stress management Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tag/stress-management/ Mind Tools Thu, 13 Jul 2023 12:12:34 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 4 Tools for Being More Organized – Our New Video Series https://www.mindtools.com/blog/4-tools-for-being-more-organized-new-videos/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/4-tools-for-being-more-organized-new-videos/#respond Thu, 13 Jul 2023 07:13:47 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37941 In today's VUCA world, being organized is more important than ever. Our latest series of videos share some top tips on how to boost your organizational skills.

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Is it just me, or does life seem way more hectic than it used to be?! I feel like I've got notifications coming at me from all angles, telling me about upcoming deadlines, relentless breaking news stories, and reminders to pay the bills and wish my friends a happy birthday. There are 43 different tabs open in my brain all at once and I just can't keep up!

In today's VUCA world, getting all those mental tabs under control is more important than ever. And there are things we can all do to boost our organizational skills. That's why our latest video series focuses on Being Organized. So check out the videos below to discover how to avoid common time-management pitfalls, bring harmony to your team, and organize your ideas.

Are You Making These Common Time-Management Mistakes?

One effective way to get more organized is to improve your time management. It's all too easy to fall into common time-management traps, like multitasking – a habit I'm often guilty of! – and failing to set goals. Discover other ways to improve with our new Time-Management Mistakes Video. And to get a more general idea of how well you manage your time, take our time management quiz.

Why Is Multitasking Bad?

You'd be forgiven for thinking that multitasking is a good way of getting two or more jobs done at the same time. But how effective are you really when you're juggling multiple tasks at once? Tackling two jobs in one go can lead to subpar results and a longer completion time because neither is getting your full focus. So instead, give your full attention to one job at a time, and close those other mental tabs!

Multitasking businesswoman with many arms at desk in office.
© GettyImages/AndreyPopov

How Does Goal Setting Help You to Be More Organized?

Goal setting might not seem like a time-management tool, but having specific goals to work toward helps you to know where to focus your time and energy. Once you set clear goals, you can start to prioritize your tasks. And, in today's VUCA world, having clear direction will help you and your team stay on track in the face of adversity and change.

To find out what the other common time management mistakes are, and how you can avoid them, watch our 10 Common Time-Management Mistakes Video.

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The Dangers of Overpromising

Another mistake many of us make is overpromising. Taking on more than you have reasonable capacity for can throw you off balance, hinder your other projects, and lead to broken promises. It doesn't feel nice to say "no" when someone asks for help, even when you have good reason to, but failing to keep your word at work can damage your team relationships and your reputation. In fact, it can do way more damage than admitting that you have too much on.

So, consider what you've already got on your plate, and any upcoming holiday, before you commit to another task! Try saying "Yes" to the person, but "no" to the task to keep everyone happy. By protecting your time and energy in this way, you'll not only be able to focus on the right tasks, but you'll also earn respect from your peers by establishing boundaries.

Our video on Keeping Your Word at Work has more tips on how to avoid broken promises.

How to Manage Your Deadlines

However, sometimes things just don't go to plan and you may have to break a promise or miss a deadline through no real fault of your own. When this happens, try to limit the damage, and take any steps you can to prevent it from happening again.

One key way to set yourself up for success is to ensure you have the right support and resources before you get started. Do you have access to all the files you need? Who can help you if you get stuck? You can also mitigate any harm done by unexpected change by putting a contingency plan in place.

One missed deadline might not seem like a big deal, but it can trip you and your team up further down the road. Explore more tips on how to organize your time and commitments to manage your deadlines in our video, How to Meet a Deadline.

How to Organize Your Ideas

If you're a manager, you probably deal with large volumes of information, feedback and ideas on a regular basis. Especially when you're working on improving a service or fixing a problem. And while it's no bad thing to have a wealth of ideas from your team, too many options can become overwhelming. So, if you ever feel like you've got too many options and don't know which ones to prioritize, try using affinity diagrams!

Unorganized, colorful sticky notes with various ideas on how to improve a product.

Affinity diagrams help you to organize multiple ideas into common themes. This provides a bird's-eye view, making it easier to understand complex relationships, identify subtasks, and evaluate potential solutions. Learn more about how they can help you and your team organize its ideas with our Affinity Diagrams Video.

More Resources on Being Organized

If you want even more resources on how to be more organized and manage your time better, check out these related resources:

How to Take Care of Your "Social Battery"
Hurry Sickness
How to Be More Organized
Prioritization
Wheel of Life

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What Is Rust-out? Meet Burnout's Boring Alter Ego https://www.mindtools.com/blog/what-is-rust-out-meet-burnouts-boring-alter-ego/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/what-is-rust-out-meet-burnouts-boring-alter-ego/#respond Mon, 10 Jul 2023 10:40:47 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37962 If burnout is the stressed and tired employee rushing from one task to the next, rust-out is their lethargic and unmotivated colleague.

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Imagine that your inbox is completely empty, and your to-do list is done and dusted. Work is quiet… maybe a little too quiet?

Boredom might sound appealing to those who are constantly rushed off their feet. But feeling underworked may be more common and damaging than you think. In fact, a recent study showed that almost 20 percent of U.S. workers feel "actively disengaged" from their work. It's such a prolific problem that it even has a name: rust-out.

Rust-out vs. Burnout

If burnout is the stressed and tired employee rushing from one task to the next, rust-out is their lethargic and unmotivated colleague.

The term, originally coined by psychotherapist Paula Coles, refers to chronic boredom borne out of unstimulating work. In contrast, burnout is caused by overstimulation. And while it may sound contradictory, doing too little can be just as emotionally exhausting as doing too much.

The causes of burnout and rust-out may be poles apart but the symptoms can be surprisingly similar. Those suffering with rust-out can feel agitated, short-tempered or anxious, and may procrastinate to avoid work that doesn't motivate them. If left unchecked, long-term boredom can even affect your eating and sleeping habits, and lead to depression.

Rust-out could be the wake-up call you never knew you needed!
Rust-out could be the wake-up call you never knew you needed!

How to Spot the Signs of Rust-out

Much like real rust, rust-out can linger below the surface and may not be immediately obvious. You may even mistake it for laziness. Instead, rust-out can actually be a sign that you've outgrown your role or responsibilities.

Perhaps you feel that your job is the same day in, day out, with no sign of change. Or that the work you do doesn't align with your personal values. It could be that your skills aren't being put to proper use. You're certainly not learning anything new.

And while rust-out can occur at any point in your career, these feelings are particularly common among new graduates and middle managers. The former may feel limited by a role that doesn't reflect their abilities and qualifications. The latter may feel stuck in their routine, unable to progress, and believe that their career has plateaued.

How to Defeat Rust-out

Whether you're suffering from rust-out yourself, or you manage someone else who is, spotting the signs early is the best way to tackle it before it gets out of hand.

Be Honest

When a job becomes boring or unfulfilling, it's easy to assume that you need to move on to greener pastures. But a new job isn't the only answer.

Be honest with your manager about how you're feeling and discuss ways that you can incorporate more of what you love into your existing role. There may be more opportunities to craft your job to your liking than you realize!

As a manager, be compassionate and broach the subject carefully. Assure your team member that you're there to help, and establish a solid understanding of the problem before you offer solutions.

Identify Your Values

One common reason that people feel unhappy in their jobs is that their work doesn't reflect their values. Consider the times in your life and career when you've felt the happiest, proudest and most fulfilled.

Perhaps it’s when you've helped someone through a difficult time, solved a seemingly impossible problem, or made a lucrative sale. Once you've determined what matters most to you, you'll be able to prioritize these values and steer your career in the right direction.

As a manager, be patient and open-minded; this process can take time and you may hear some hard truths, but it's vital that you don’t become defensive. In fact, this feedback is crucial to ensure that your team is running at its best.

Find Your Passions

Do you have any special skills that aren’t being utilized? For example, do you have a creative streak that's going unnoticed in an admin-heavy role? When our strengths and passions are ignored or underappreciated, it's easy to lose motivation.

Identify the things that you do best and explore ways that you can incorporate them into your job, as well as other positions and opportunities that better suit your skillset.

It's a manager's role to ensure that everyone's jobs align with their strengths so keep an eye out for skills gaps in your teams. What new opportunities could your team members take on? What support or training would they need to develop? How can you help them achieve their goals?

The Bright Side of Rust-out

Rust-out can feel like a dark cloud hanging over you, but the good news is that there is a silver lining. If you're feeling unfulfilled in your job, then now is a great opportunity to reassess your current position, immediate opportunities for growth, and long-term goals.

Useful Resources

Here's a curated list of Mind Tools relevant resources (please keep in mind you may need to be a member of the Mind Tools Club to access certain resources):

What Are Your Values?

Overcoming Procrastination (Skillbook)

How to Take Care of Your “Social Battery”

Job Crafting

Avoiding Burnout


Blog author Rosie Robinson

About the Author

With a background in writing and illustration, Rosie uses her creative eye to produce eye-catching content. Specializing in videos, newsletters and articles, Rosie produces, writes, edits, and proofreads a wide range of resources. When she's not busy working, she'll likely be found whipping up cakes for her friends and family!

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Managing Stress in a Permacrisis – NEW Stress and Wellbeing Videos https://www.mindtools.com/blog/managing-stress-permacrisis-stress-wellbeing-videos/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/managing-stress-permacrisis-stress-wellbeing-videos/#respond Mon, 06 Feb 2023 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=36836 I think it’s fair to say that everyone has felt more stressed in the last couple of years. I guess that’s just what happens when you face a global health pandemic, the impending threat of war, a financial crisis, and a climate emergency all at once. With so much to worry about, it’s no wonder […]

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I think it’s fair to say that everyone has felt more stressed in the last couple of years. I guess that’s just what happens when you face a global health pandemic, the impending threat of war, a financial crisis, and a climate emergency all at once. With so much to worry about, it’s no wonder that “permacrisis” was the word of the year for 2022

Even after three years, we are still riding the ripple effects of Covid-19, and we’re still living in “uncertain times.” That's why we've created a brand new range of stress and wellbeing videos aimed at addressing the various different aspects and impacts of stress. Here's how they can help...

Identifying Different Types of Stress 

Living in a permacrisis means that stressors are coming at you from left, right and center! And with so many different factors at play, it can be hard to know exactly why you feel stressed. Is it that deadline that’s looming? Or that “quick chat” your boss asked for tomorrow? 

Knowing what kind of stress you’re experiencing is a vital first step to overcoming it. 

Dr Karl Albrecht defines four types of stress that you’ve likely encountered at some point in your life: Time, Anticipatory, Situational, and Encounter Stress. Find out more about each of them in our video on Albrecht’s Four Types of Stress.

Dealing With Money Worries

A more specific type of stress is financial anxiety, and it’s becoming increasingly common. In fact, the majority of adults in the U.S. cite inflation as a cause of stress.  

Financial struggles affect everyone differently, and it’s hard to cut down on spending if you already have a tight budget. But there are still things that you can do to minimize this kind of stress, and there are people that you can reach out to if you’re really struggling. 

Discover more in our video, Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing

Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Wellbeing

If you have an active or high-strain job, chances are you probably experience stress at work. You may even carry this home with you, which can have a negative effect on your family and friends. The Demand-Control Model of Job Stress is designed to help you manage precisely this kind of stress, by analyzing your workload and level of autonomy.

Protecting your boundaries at work is another great way to ease job stress, whether your role is high-strain or not. You may find it hard to say "no" to people, even when you have a mountain of other things vying for your attention. But it you say "yes" to everything, you may find you struggle to get anything done! It isn’t always easy to say “no” to someone, but our video on managing your boundaries at work has lots of tips on how to protect your time and energy. 

Supporting Others to Cope With Stress 

And what if you spot someone else struggling with stress – do you feel equipped to help them? Or do you struggle to know what to do?  

If you’re a manager or leader, it’s your responsibility to provide your workforce with the right tools and support systems for managing their mental health. And there are plenty of things you can do to help as a colleague, too. Our video, 6 Ways to Support Employees’ Mental Health provides some great advice on how you can do just that. 

What did you think of our stress and wellbeing videos? If you have more tips on how to manage stress in a permacrisis, we’d love to hear them! Please share your ideas and experiences in the comments below. 

Our next batch of videos will cover different types and methods of coaching! Keep an eye out for them on February 21. 

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Managing Presentation Nerves – Your Top Tips! https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tips-presentation-nerves/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tips-presentation-nerves/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2022 08:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=12000 Check out our brand new video with Mind Tools' Content Editor/Writer, Jonathan Hancock, who shares his handy hints for putting on a great presentation – in spite of any nerves

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"That was an amazing presentation," I thought, shaking my head in disbelief.

My friend Amy had just finished her talk for her final year thesis, which was supposed to count toward our final grade. The audience was transfixed, focused on her every word. Her visuals were stunning, she spoke confidently, and she didn't even need her notes. To cap it all, she handled the Q&A session with calm assurance.

My awe quickly disintegrated into anxiety as I heard those dreaded words, "Who's up next? Ah, Lucy. It's you."

I should have felt confident. It was my moment in the sun, right? I'd done my research, put in the prep work, and I'd spent the whole of the previous evening rehearsing in front of a group of friends.

But I didn't feel confident. Instead, I felt my cheeks turn red and I bumped into a table on my way up. All I could think about was the audience's eyes burning into me. The notes I'd so carefully prepared now seemed a bit basic, and nowhere near as intelligent as I thought they had the day before.

I did a quick calculation of my distance from the door. Perhaps I could just make a run for it? Maybe I could feign sickness?

"No, no," I told myself, "Stop being silly and get on with it!"

So, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together and, well, I got on with it!

In the end, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. I was proud that I had resisted the urge to flee. But I still breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was all over.

The truth is, even the thought of public speaking fills me with fear. It has done since well before my postgraduate presentation, and that fear still lingers today.

At least I can console myself with the knowledge that I'm not the only one to get presentation nerves. As Jerry Seinfeld once joked (in all seriousness), "Surveys show that the number one fear of Americans is public speaking. Number two is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."

Check out our brand new video with Mind Tools' Content Editor/Writer, Jonathan Hancock, who shares his handy hints for putting on a great presentation – in spite of any nerves:

We were interested in finding out how you manage presentation nerves, and we put the shoutout on our social media channels: "How do you deal with presentation nerves?"

Do Your Presentation Prep Work

Preparation featured in a lot of the responses that we got. As Facebook friend Greg Schmierer succinctly suggests, "Practice, practice, practice."

But what should your practice and prep work entail? Facebook follower Chetan Agarwal recommends that it go beyond just slide design, saying, "A lot of people confuse preparation with creating slides, but it is more about your script, intonations, anticipating probable questions and drafting your answers, your important notes, flash cards, if necessary, etc. Slides or deck is just the first primary preparation."

Instagram follower dmbarch offers similar advice. He says, "I try to prepare the best I can. i.e: write down the things I am planning to say. That way, when nerves hit, I know where to go and retake control."

Another of our Facebook friends, Deepa Hemant Krishnan, also highlights the important of seeking feedback during preparation time. She advises, "Do a mock presentation to somebody who can be a good representation of the expected audience and seek feedback."

Just Breathe!

One tip that came up time and time again, was using stress management and deep breathing to keep presentation nerves at bay.

LinkedIn follower Renee Chamberlin suggests, "Take three long, slow, deep breaths and at the same time, wiggle your toes. This helps calm you and brings you back from your anxious mind into your body." Greg Schmierer follows a similar routine. He says, "Just before the presentation, I close my eyes, take three deep breaths, and visualize [the] success of my presentation."

Engage Your Audience

Hooking in the audience with a joke, anecdote or story early on can also help you to lighten the mood, and is a great way of getting your audience engaged.

As Twitter follower Pauline Grant recommends, "Find an appropriate hook to connect with and engage your audience from the outset." Fellow Tweeter Jo Gallagher adds, "Breathe and be yourself! It's a conversation relaying information and an opportunity to engage the crowd [and], in doing so, learn something new."

Thank you to everyone who responded to our question, we appreciate the time and effort that you took to join in our discussion.

If you have any further tips or tricks on dealing with presentation nerves, please share them in the box, below!

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How Men Can Manage Negative Emotions in a Healthy Way https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-men-can-manage-negative-emotions-healthy-way/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-men-can-manage-negative-emotions-healthy-way/#respond Wed, 15 Jun 2022 11:01:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=31285 Society has long held stereotypical perceptions of how men handle their emotions. Men suffer from antiquated ideas of burying feelings, using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and even becoming physically abusive to avoid tackling the problem. Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find […]

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Society has long held stereotypical perceptions of how men handle their emotions. Men suffer from antiquated ideas of burying feelings, using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and even becoming physically abusive to avoid tackling the problem.

Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find an outlet without feeling overshadowed by judgment.

Men are just as prone to anxiety, depression and emotional difficulties as women. While it can be hard to be vulnerable, particularly if you’ve had a lifetime of experience shutting your feelings down, it's important to find ways to deal with your feelings in a healthier way.

The Dangers of Suppressed Emotions for Men

Suppressing your sadness and anxiety affects men in more ways than many people realize. In addition to being an underlying cause of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, suppressing emotions such as anger can impact your thinking and behavioral patterns, and disrupt relationships. It can also lead to physical problems such as:

  • Increasing the risk of blood pressure
  • Heart complications
  • Headaches
  • Migraines
  • Digestive problems

Keeping a lid on negative emotions can also increase the risk of addiction. Men suffer more from substance abuse and dependence than women do, but they "tend to enter treatment later in the course of addiction," observes wellness writer, Hannah Friedman. "This may be because there is greater stigma attached to the idea of seeking help among men than there is among women. That stigma is isolating and extremely harmful. As a result, men may feel it's better to suffer in silence than it is to get the help they need and deserve."

Talk It Out

From work commitments and family issues to money worries and health concerns, there are many reasons why you might be experiencing negative emotions. 

Talking to someone about what’s bothering you, whether it’s a family member, a friend you trust or a licensed therapist, can really help in offloading some of the weight that these worries can place on you.

In my own experience, talking therapies have helped people function better in everyday life and can provide you with the coping strategies to deal with negative emotions in a healthier way.

Give Yourself a New Focus

One of the less healthy ways that many men handle their emotions is through alcohol and drugs. But when you self-medicate to cope with challenges in your everyday life, it can become a crutch that you depend on whatever life throws at you. 

Finding a stress-relieving hobby or activity that gives you a new focus when things feel too much can be really helpful in helping men manage their emotions without relying on harmful substances. It might be taking up a new sport, going for a run, reading or playing music, or cooking. These are outlets you can turn to when your emotions feel heavy, that aren’t going to impact your health in a negative way.

Develop Benign Attention

Benign attention stems from mindfulness meditation, and there’s a growing body of research that suggests it can help with stress, anxiety and negative emotions such as anger.

This method encourages you to sit with your emotions, whatever they are, without judgment or shame and simply observe them. Over time, you develop the ability to recognize when you’re feeling something without it causing suffering. 

For men who struggle to know how to handle their feelings, this creates space between you and your emotions. You can observe them with a level of impartiality, which enables you to respond rather than react.

Learn From the Past

Identifying the ways that grief, loss, sadness or anger have made you feel in the past, and the events or situations that caused those emotions, can help you to prepare for the future. 

Journaling is a great way to spot these patterns. There’s no set way of journaling, so whether you choose to write short, snappy points, long personal entries or draw your thoughts, they’re all valid and can really help in breaking down the problem, so you can get to the root of the issue.

Final Thoughts

We all struggle with negative emotions from time to time, but for men there are societal expectations that can make tackling these thoughts harder. Identifying healthy ways to cope with stress and anger, anxiety or depression, will ensure that you don’t fall into the habit of relying on harmful practices like substance abuse, lashing out or physical altercations.


About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually curled up on the sofa reading a book.

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Is Annual Leave Still Leave? – #MTtalk Roundup https://www.mindtools.com/blog/annual-leave-still-leave-join-our-mttalk/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/annual-leave-still-leave-join-our-mttalk/#comments Tue, 03 Aug 2021 13:20:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=27714 Sixty-eight percent of people said they'd been working longer hours while working from home during the pandemic. And, worryingly, 20 percent of people responded, "What does relax mean?"

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Despite my love for travel, I absolutely hate packing. Every time I go away, I write a packing list: suntan lotion, beach gear, passport... And preparations for my upcoming vacation will be no different. Except, this summer, I won't have to remember my passport.

With COVID-19 preventing overseas travel for many for the second consecutive year, those of us with a travel bug have had to be more creative with the way that we spend our vacation time. For me, this means taking a road trip with my girlfriends along the coast of England to the beautiful county of Devon.

I'm excited. Not only because I get to explore somewhere new and spend quality time with my friends, but because this trip will be the first time in what feels like forever that I will be leaving my makeshift home office and fully switching off from work.

Relaxing During a Pandemic

It's been a challenging 18 months for all of us. "Pandemic brain" and "burnout" have become buzzwords that pop up in most conversations – and with good reason.

According to a LinkedIn poll that we published earlier this year, 68 percent of people said they'd been working longer hours while working from home during the pandemic. At the same time, the amount of annual leave being taken has reduced. Another poll revealed that a third (32 percent) of people had taken some time off last year to relax. And, worryingly, 20 percent of people responded, "What does relax mean?"

To try to combat widespread burnout in their organizations, companies such a LinkedIn, Mozilla and Bumble have given their employees "global days off."

In June, the dating app Bumble gave its 700 staff a paid, fully off-line one-week vacation, with only a skeleton staff used to keep the company buzzing along. This was to ensure that employees were able to take time off without the fear of missing something important or having an unmanageable number of emails to return to.

And yet, something doesn't sit quite right with me about being told to take a week off.

Is Holidaying at Home a Waste of Leave?

However, as we wait for normal service to resume, many of us have questioned whether it's worth wasting annual leave days with no prospect of being able to go anywhere – opting instead to continue working until we can travel. For me, two weeks off in my living room-cum-office wasn't exactly appealing!

Another colleague of mine, Marketing Manager Claire, had her flights to Greece cancelled due to the pandemic. She was tempted to reduce her two-week holiday to one, but decided to "... still have two full weeks off work, to switch off and recharge."

Mind Tools' Community Manager Yolandé has worked remotely for some time, and still finds it tricky to properly switch off when taking annual leave. As she explains, "I started working online many years ago. The first time I disconnected from work for longer than three days was seven years in – and it was only because it was my honeymoon.

"However, the organization didn't expect me to be online all the time. I simply felt too guilty not to work if I had access to the internet. It felt "wrong" to stay off-line.

"I came from a work culture where putting work before your personal life was rewarded. Working long hours and hardly ever taking leave were regarded as signs of strength. If you did that you were in a different league – that special league that got promoted, climbed the ladder, got more and more responsibility, and then had a heart attack, while wondering how on earth things ended up here.

"Impostor Syndrome was also real to me. By opening my laptop and working – on the beach, on safari, at a resort, in the car (not a brilliant idea), and on the plane – anywhere from Las Vegas to the Kruger National Park, I felt more "worthy." I was trying to prove to myself and to others that I truly was hardworking, competent, conscientious, trustworthy, loyal. Of course, if I wasn't all of those things to begin with, I wouldn't have been in that position."

Taking a Break in a Pandemic – Your Top Tips

With normal holidaying not an option for many, and with international travel increasingly difficult, we asked for your top tips on how to take annual leave and make it count!

LinkedIn follower Abdullah Alzahim said that "a relatively long trip to the mountains in the south of Saudi Arabia" made his day. "Cool weather, different terrains from my home town and a real break from work with the family is a real pleasure."

Marketing Manager Claire, who had her overseas holiday cancelled, said, "We are planning an itinerary that includes local day trips and a couple of overnight stays in new places. We are going to cover countryside, coast and city, and have strict "no-phone days." And we are going to buy and cook some Greek food so we can still have a taste of the Mediterranean!"

Content Editor Kevin Dunne also had a novel idea for overcoming the restrictions on international travel. He explained, "My partner and I have done a house swap with friends in Suffolk... completely free of charge to all parties, petrol money the only cost. We did it in the light of 'price gouging' for staycations."

So... Is Annual Leave Still Leave?

In our #MTtalk Twitter chat this Friday, hosted by Yolande Conradie, we asked if annual leave really is still leave if we're constantly in contact with work.

Here are the questions we asked during the one-hour chat and some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. What are the benefits of taking leave and completely disconnecting from work?

@JKatzaman Disconnecting from work relieves a whole bunch of pent-up pressure. The drawback is worrying about catching up on the work that wasn't done while you were away or worse, someone did your work better than you have.

@Midgie_MT Taking a complete break gives you the mental and physical space to rest, relax and recharge your internal batteries.

Q2. How does failing to disconnect from work affect us?

@virtudeskcom This will be unhealthy and could lead to mental health problems.

@pavelStepanov77 Your life will not be fulfilling and you lose your chance to enjoy it. That would be depressing and may cause a more serious mental problem.

Q3. Do you feel guilty when you take leave? Why/why not?

@Yolande_MT I have often felt guilty in the past because it felt like I left my colleagues in the lurch.

@llake Why should anyone feel guilty about leaving work? Guilty is a manmade construct. If you need to leave, leave. I trust you to be responsible for yourself and your commitments.

Q4. If you (or a co-worker) are known as the "go to" person, whose problem is it when you're away?

@SustainedLeader A leader's true sense of accomplishment is reflected by how well the team performs in the leader's absence.

@SizweMoyo Everyone does their best until the "go-to" guy gets back. We may not be as good at their job, but we'll do our best while he's away.

Q5. Work is likely part of your identity. How does that influence your decision about leave?

@ThakoreVu It holds you back while taking leave or forces you back on work early. The best way is to detach yourself on time.

@DrKashmirM I have a different take: job title, job, riches, success, status is never permanent, soul power is permanent. Job, wealth, titles are our clothes; but first body that wears those must be healthy and given first priority.

Q6. What other fears/beliefs/practicalities feed our struggles to switch off from work?

@harrisonia Fears/beliefs/practicalities that feed our struggles to switch off from work: letting people down, being the weak link, not finishing on time, jeopardizing your reputation or that of your company.

@llake We will be replaced. Pay cuts. Severed from employment. Low self-esteem. Over-valuing work position. We won't be missed. Disconnected from our inner being.

Q7. Some of us are WFH and then OLAH (on leave at home). What's the difference? 

@PG_pmp WFH one is still occupied in office-related tasks, but leave from home means one is not engaged in office tasks; spending time with family or passion or any other area of interest.

@DhongdeSupriya I try to keep my phone away, keep my laptop in [my] bag. Wear comfy casual clothes and take that entitled nap and it makes perfect OLAH.

Q8. What would you like your leave to be like?
(How about just going on holiday without posting everything on social media?)

@carriemaslen Ideal leave = family time in a relaxing place and coming back to work without "paying the price" for taking time off.

@Dwyka_Consult As long as possible, doing as little as I can, spending as much time with my family as I can.

Q9. What will you do to ensure that you disengage from work when you're next on leave?

@MikeBarzacchini Avoid work email, completely, if possible. Take social media apps off my phone or at least hide them. Have a plan on how you're going to spend your time, even if that plan is as loose as "sunrise and sunset beach walks."

@MicheleDD_MT Bring no devices, except a camera. Make sure that hand-offs at work are in place. Put an OOO on my email cannot be reached.

Q10. What can you/your organization do to support employees to take leave and disconnect?

@MarkC_Avgi DO NOT have a policy that pays out unused vacation. I have known people that did not take vacations just to get the "extra" money. Encourage (and remind) people to take their vacations, and then leave them alone (do not contact them) while they are away.

@bluesummitsupp I have learned that it is especially important for individuals in leadership positions to lead by example when they take leave. Whether they realize it or not, they have a huge impact on the culture of their work environment and employee behaviors.

To read all the tweets, take a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Coming Up

If, while you're on leave, you realize that your team operate well in your absence and that they aren't manager-dependent, the realization will probably act as a trust builder. But, in our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know more about the things that might break your trust. So please participate here.

Resources

In the meantime, if you want to explore the topic that we covered this week "Is Annual Leave Still Leave?" check out the resources below. (Please note some of these may only be available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club and to Mind Tools for Business licensees.)

Ready for a Real Vacation?

Burnout Self-Test

Rest, Relaxation and Sleep

Improving Physical Health and Well-Being at Work

Avoiding Burnout

How to Get the Best From an Extra Miler

Getting Your Team Through the Holiday Season

Returning From Vacation

Managing Your Boundaries

Subjective Well-Being

How to Relax After a Hard Day

The PERMA Model

5 Steps to Enjoying a Better Vacation

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Doomscrolling and How to Stop It – Your Top Tips https://www.mindtools.com/blog/doomscrolling-how-to-stop-top-tips/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/doomscrolling-how-to-stop-top-tips/#respond Thu, 04 Feb 2021 12:01:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=24840 BREAKING NEWS... BREAKING NEWS... BREAKING NEWS... How many times have you seen those big capital letters flood your news feed or TV screen over the past year? If you live on Planet Earth, probably a lot. If it's not some dire news about the never-ending pandemic, it's climate change, political turmoil, the spiralling economy, or […]

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BREAKING NEWS... BREAKING NEWS... BREAKING NEWS...

How many times have you seen those big capital letters flood your news feed or TV screen over the past year? If you live on Planet Earth, probably a lot.

If it's not some dire news about the never-ending pandemic, it's climate change, political turmoil, the spiralling economy, or mass protests. Sometimes I pinch myself... am I in a disaster movie? No, this is indeed reality and, according to the news, it stinks.

And, while I completely appreciate that some news stories are important and we need to know about them, increasingly it feels like I'm carrying around a really heavy burden that just keeps getting bigger.

What Is Doomscrolling?

During lockdown part one in the U.K., I felt a certain need even a duty to stay informed about all of these things. So, after a long day spent homeschooling and working, I'd "relax" by scrolling through all the breaking news stories I'd missed that day.

Except it wasn't really relaxing.

It wasn't relaxing at all.

Then I came across a word that described exactly what I was doing "doomscrolling." That is, mindlessly trawling news sites only to be sucked in by negative and often scary stories. Not a particularly healthy or productive hobby, but one that I've apparently committed myself to wholeheartedly since early 2020.

The Impact of Doomscrolling

Every time I see a "breaking" news story, I can physically feel the anxiety creeping in. That hot feeling on the back of my neck, my pulse rising. I sense a very real and present danger somewhere nearby (never mind that I can't actually see it).

In fact, doomscrolling can lead to a number of mental and physical health issues alongside anxiety, including depression, lack of sleep, and nightmares. And yet, it would feel irresponsible, somehow, to stop doomscrolling completely. There is stuff I need to know! And I need to know it right now!

I'm not the only one. According to Mind Tools' recent Twitter poll, over half (58.3 percent) of respondents revealed that they doomscrolled every day. Similarly, on LinkedIn, 53 percent admitted to a daily dose of doomscrolling.

According to psychologists, our drive to be hypervigilant is completely normal. It's part of our survival instinct. After all, in order to protect ourselves properly, we need to gather information about the things that we believe will cause us harm.

It's just that we're faced by global news, now, not woolly mammoths!

Escaping Doomscrolling

My attitude toward news has completely changed now I'm in lockdown part three. Instead of gorging myself on bad news, I avoid all news, like (for want of a better word) the plague.

I only play games on my phone. I never look at news sites. If I hear news on the radio or TV, I quickly switch it off and turn on some music. I've taken up knitting and I've been reading a lot more. Anything to avoid hearing more negative news.

This is avoidance, I know. Some might say I'm "burying my head in the sand" and they'd be right. Perhaps it's not the wisest of approaches, but for the time being at least it's helping me to achieve some modicum of normality in a world that feels far from normal right now.

Your Top Tips on Doomscrolling

We wanted to know more about how you've been impacted by doomscrolling and your top tips for avoiding it.

Limit Your Exposure

LinkedIn follower, Sarah Frampton said that she, "Made a conscious effort not to [doomscroll] for my own mental health. I am considered high risk [for COVID] for health reasons and my anxiety at the pandemic was rising. My partner watches the government announcements, we don't watch the news, and I scroll past any 'doom' on social media. Best decision ever!"

Client Success Advisor, Charlotte Blake, recommended switching off from technology altogether at the end of the day. "I try and keep up with as many things as I can... then I find myself staying away from my phone and laptop in the evenings to have a break. Otherwise I do find it very overwhelming, can get headaches and not sleep well."

Facebook friend, John Casebolt advised timing yourself to avoid doomscrolling, "I limit my scroll time to about 30 seconds. If I haven't seen anything in that amount of time that I believe would be worth my time to look at, I quit. A few 'positive' views may give me another 30 seconds, then I move on to something else."

If you're finding it particularly tricky to put that phone down, there are handy apps that can help to limit your screen time for you. For instance, Freedom allows you to block distracting apps and websites. And Zenscreen helps you to discover how much time you spend on specific apps and to manage your screen time, and gives you tips on how to improve your screen habits.

Go Analogue

Mind Tools' own U.S. Marketing Manager, Carlyn Angus, explained how she's overcome her doomscrolling habit by using her phone for more positive interactions, such as virtual catch-ups with friends, or by simply putting it away, "I've been battling with doomscrolling throughout the pandemic and during 'lockdown one,' I found myself sitting with my phone for hours, having achieved nothing but becoming anxious and worried.

"I think I needed reassurance, and had FOMO (not that anyone is doing anything), and wanted to feel in some way connected to people, as I live on my own. I wanted to keep on top of the developing news, but often as the stories were so negative, it was making me think the worst and getting into really low headspace.

"I noticed it was having a really negative impact on my wellbeing (I couldn't switch off at night), so as the lockdown went on, I started getting into an evening routine of virtual catch-ups with friends, virtual yoga, and reading. I now limit my screen time (TV and phone), and actually leave my phone in another room for a couple of hours at night, which has really helped. And I make a point of putting it down and picking up a book before bed, so it's not the last thing I've seen before I go to sleep."

Get a Hobby

People and Culture Advisor, Holly Whitehead-Collett, reflected, "I find myself wanting to be up to date with the news as it feels like things are changing so quickly in the world. Part of this is wanting to be safe, in terms of COVID, but then you can find you are concerned about lots of things that are out of your control.

"I also want to keep as up to date as I can with friends and family and what they are up to, almost like FOMO from not getting to spend time with them! While looking at things like this isn't doomscrolling, and actually makes me feel a bit more connected with people, channels like Instagram and Facebook are obviously open to news articles and more serious/negative posts as well, so you can't avoid it.

"I think another reason why I find myself doing it is just out of boredom: your phone is pretty much always with you, so when you are sat not doing much, its easy to pick up your phone and scroll.

"I am trying to alleviate this a bit by finding activities and hobbies which keep me occupied enough to forget that my phone is there for a bit, like going out for a quick walk or... I have recently started some cross stitch patterns."

Other Tips

Here are some more things you can do to reduce doomscrolling or to at least put a positive spin on it:

  • Enjoy some screen-free time. Got a spare second? Don't just jump on your phone! Why not go screen-free for a while? Mind Tools has compiled some great tips and tricks on how to avoid screen fatigue.
  • Try joyscrolling. Retrain you phone algorithms by bookmarking positive news stories and following social media accounts that align with your interests, such as books, movies, gardening, or art. Why not also try out this fun joyscroll from the Icelandic Tourism Board that made headlines last year?
  • Remap your phone apps. Position your news and social apps alongside, for example, meditation, workout or gaming apps. This will make it easier to interrupt a potential doomscroll with something more positive.
  • Change your phone display to greyscale. This is much less alluring to the eye and may help to combat the addictiveness of mindless scrolling.

Do you doomscroll? How has it impacted you? And how have you tried to avoid it? Join the conversation and leave your tips in the Comment section, below.

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Your Money-Saving Tips https://www.mindtools.com/blog/your-money-saving-tips/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/your-money-saving-tips/#comments Thu, 03 Dec 2020 12:07:48 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=24162 We asked our friends and followers for their money-saving tips, and they were rich with ideas

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"Got my mind on the money and the money on my mind."

Snoop Dogg, U.S. rapper and singer

My Dad is a money-saving pro. Some of my earliest memories are of his fearless haggling. No place was off-limits. Tradespeople, clothing store clerks, butchers – they all got the spiel. And nine times of out 10 they gave away a discount, baffled why.

To Dad's dismay, his sons didn’t inherit his entrepreneurial spirit. It seems those genes have skipped a generation. Now my nephews, new to work, enjoy looking after their hard-earned cash. They talk with grandpa about tax breaks while my bro' and I compare new sneakers.

But that all changed when 2020 stamped out all our fun. Now, along with 72 percent of Americans, I'm stressing about money. [1] To help, I've turned to my co-workers and Mind Tools readers for tips on saving some cash. Here are their two cents.

Save Your Money on the Weekly Shop  

After your Thanksgiving feast, now's a great time to think re-think the weekly shop. Learning Experience Manager Tracey McDonald says, "Weekly meal plans prior to shopping have always been great for us. Especially in the 'click & collect' or 'grocery delivery time' we currently live in! Fewer top-up shops, too."

You should also check if your employer runs a well-being program that incentivizes healthy, cheaper eating. As Product Manager Caroline Horvath says, "If your company offers something like that, don't forget to use it for discounts when shopping at your fave stores. Including your regular food shop!"

Cash Saving with a Secret Santa  

Christmas ain't canceled this year. Not for Managing Editor Catriona MacLeod, anyway. She says, "We used to do a big family gift exchange just before Christmas. Everyone would arrive and depart with big bags of gifts for each other. Which was lovely. But every year it seemed to get harder to find that perfect gift for everyone without breaking the bank. Plus, it felt like we were doing our bit to help kill the planet (Sorry, Sir David!)."

"So, three years ago we set up a family Secret Santa. We set a decent budget, then each person gets a name through an online Secret Santa generator. (We use Elfster). You can set up a wish list to help people if they don’t know what to buy you. It has dramatically cut the cost of Christmas, while everyone gets a gift they love. And 'regifting' is now a thing of the past!"

But remember, if things really are tight, it's okay not to gift this Christmas. Just seeing or talking to friends and family is top of our wish lists this year. 

Set a Money-Saving Goal 

A little planning is key to taking control of your finances, stressing less, and improving your well-being.

As Content Assistant Alice Gledhill says, "It's so much easier to put money aside when you have a purpose or target in mind to motivate you."

Whether it's clearing your rent arrears or planning a college fund for your kids, prioritize what's most important to you – long- and short-term. And make them SMART goals to succeed.

Get a Cash Saving App 

Budgeting isn't fun. But apps are. That’s why Senior Editor Lucy Bishop recommends using a budget tracking app that flags up if you go in the red. She says, "We use an app called Emma which you can add all your different budgets into – for grocery, entertainment, internet, etc."

You can make cash saving part of your banking, too. As Lucy says, "Fintech banks like Monzo have these kinds of budget trackers already built-in and are getting more popular, too!"

Switch for Cash Saving 

Many banks offer cash bonuses for switching your account to them. You can also shift your credit card debt to a new provider and get a zero-percent-interest introductory offer.

In fact, Lucy recommends you "switch everything – energy, broadband, phone contracts!" Remember to compare the comparison websites, too. And look out for those providers that shun these sites.

Save Money on Your Car Insurance 

You should never "auto-renew" your car insurance, either. And for an extra kicker, my old man recommends adding a points-free friend or family member as a "named driver" to your policy.

Even if they never get behind the wheel, they'll help bring down the cost of your cover. (See, I do listen sometimes, Dad.)

Be a Smart Online Shopper for Cash Saving

Tempted by something in the January Sale? Listen to Alice first. She says, "One of my fave lifehacks when shopping online is to leave stuff in your basket for a day or two. Sometimes you'll get a discount code in your inbox the next day! #winning!"

If you don’t trust yourself, apps such as Circle pause the internet for you. And let you assess your basket choices in the cold light of next day.

Make Saving Part of Your Everyday   

Lockdowns have been brutal, but they've given many of us the opportunity to re-think our relationships with money. So, rather than go back to old habits, why not start saving a little every month?

Like Twitter friend Nguka Oduor who says, "I live on the least amount of cash. So, I save 1/3 of what I always get then make my life to revolve around the remainder. So, I will shrink my expenditure on 2/3 of what I always earn."

If that sounds too much, putting away just 10 percent of your income into a savings account will reduce your taxes and help toward financial independence in retirement.

Get Financial Help  

If money concerns are keeping you up at night, see our article on Personal Financial Stress and Well-Being.

Or if you feel overwhelmed, there are people out there who can help. The Money and Credit section of USA.gov and the U.K.’s Citizens Advice offer free debt advice and support.

You can also ask if your work runs an employee assistance program. Trade unions and veterans' groups also offer practical, financial support.

Finally, try picking up the phone. Talking to family or friends can make a huge difference to how you feel – now.

Tell Us What You Think

Got another money-saving tip? Leave a comment, below, and follow us on LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter!

[1] ‘Speaking of Psychology: The stress of money’. Available here.

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Mood Swings and Monotony in Lockdown https://www.mindtools.com/blog/moodswings-monotony-in-lockdown/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/moodswings-monotony-in-lockdown/#comments Wed, 10 Jun 2020 11:00:05 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=21681 The past few days I’ve woken up and thought it was Sunday, only to realize it was a weekday and actually I should really be getting on with work or home schooling. Yes, the monotony of lockdown has finally struck

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The past few days I've woken up and thought it was Sunday, only to realize it was a weekday and actually I should really be getting on with work or home schooling. Yes, the monotony of lockdown has finally struck.

When the pandemic kicked off and lockdown began, I didn't really have time to think about how I felt about it all. Sure I was worried, I was anxious. But most of all I was busy.

Too busy to really think about it all. Busy with the kids and making sure they were happy. Busy making phone calls to my parents to check that they were safe. And busy making sure that I was on top of things at work.

Mood Swings and Motivation (or Lack Of)

Now we've settled into a new home schooling and work routine, it should be all good, right? And yet, I feel a bit foggy, tired all the time, and moody! I snipe at the kids and they snipe back. These mood swings are soon followed by feelings of guilt, and worries about being a bad parent.

I'm not sleeping as soundly as normal and nor are the kids (did I say I was tired?) I've also been having strange dreams (normally I don't dream at all) about my teeth falling out, which symbolize anxiety, apparently (and not surprisingly). Even Zoom calls have lost their novelty, especially now we all realize that "Zoom fatigue" is a thing.

The truth is that I've become demotivated. I'm frustrated. I get annoyed at ridiculously small things, like getting my stupid microphone to work during calls, my choppy internet connection, and how messy my home has become.

When I work, I flit from task to task. I find it hard to concentrate on anything for longer than an hour. Similarly, when I started home schooling, we would have the whole day planned out. Now... well, let's just say that I rely on the TV way too much.

What Happened to "Work Mode"?

I'm not a stranger to Working From Home. I used to do it regularly. So I know that I am able to work autonomously. But it's taking more and more effort to be productive.

It's been a long while now since I've seen the inside of an office. And I've begun to really miss it (though not the commute; never the commute). The buzz of other people, the keyboards tap-tapping, the smell of coffee.

Co-workers hustling and bustling back and forth to meetings; interviews being held; new people to meet; shared celebrations, like birthdays or company milestones. All of it puts you in "work mode."

I miss the small things the most. Like asking a colleague a quick question about whether a sentence sounds right, whether I'm using the correct grammar, or what they think of a particular idea I've been mulling over. To do that now, I'd have to arrange a video call with them, which seems like a big effort for such a small thing.

Conversations that we had with our work colleagues have changed now. It feels as though there's less time and opportunity for "spur of the moment" conversations and "ideas chats."

Is Work Home? Or Is Home Work?

All I know is that right now, I'm in a kind of "half-work, half-home" limbo. Now, my office is my home. My home – where I used to relax, play with the kids and watch TV.

Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of a separate home office either. I know others do (I look at their swivelly chairs and extra monitors with envy).

I'm not able to close the office door once I've finished up for the day. And this has really begun to bother me. There's no line drawn between home and work anymore. It's all just a big mish-mash of both.

Home Working Is Here to Stay

Though lockdown is easing for many of us now, the truth is that – for me and I'm sure many others out there – home working is likely here to stay for some time yet.

So, I must accept it. And I need to look at some of the things I can do to keep myself motivated, positive and productive in the long term.

In our article on self-motivation we list a number of the things you can do to keep yourself motivated and engaged. Avoiding procrastination was one of the tips that first leapt out at me. I'm definitely a culprit.

I've tried a few things to stop myself procrastinating. The best thing I've found is tackling the big, scary mammoth tasks first thing in the morning. It's so easy to try and avoid this type of task, and put them off to the last minute.

However, once they're done and dusted, I feel satisfied and proud of myself that I've managed to accomplish something difficult. In other words, it feels good!

I've also put my pride to one side and started asking for more help from my colleagues. In the past, I've tended to avoid doing this, worried that people might see me as a weak or incompetent.

But, if I've learned anything from the lockdown, it's that a problem shared really is a problem halved. Whether that means asking someone to take on one of my tasks, or simply having a chat about things that are stressing me out.

Focusing on the Positives of Lockdown

"Be kind to yourself." It's a phrase I've heard a lot since lockdown began. But it's often difficult when the kids are shouting and screaming, and I have deadlines to meet. And when I feel, well, like a failure.

Things are certainly more chaotic than they were. And, yes, I'm much more tired than I was before. There're my two jobs to contend with after all (full-time home school teacher and full-time editor). Not to mention the daily, anxiety-inducing "breaking news" stories keeping me up at night.

Despite these things, there are positives to focus on. First off, I still have a job. Many of my friends are facing redundancy, have had their hours cut or have lost their jobs. I worry for them and sincerely hope they find new work soon.

Also, no more commute! No more traffic, no more people cutting me up on roundabouts. No more rushing in the morning. Life in lockdown moves at a slower pace. Sure, it can feel monotonous but there's also been more time to enjoy the small things.

I've come to value a hot cup of coffee, a leisurely stroll, and watching the flowers spring up in my garden. I spend more time round the dinner table at mealtimes, sharing jokes with my kids, and watching them learning and laughing.

Lockdown Will Be Over One Day

And as for work, well, the biggest thing I've been thankful for (apart from obviously still having a job), is the routine that it's given me. And the opportunity to think about other things for a while that aren't lockdown or child-related. My job is my own. Something I do all by myself and can be proud of.

Of course I miss my colleagues, but I can still see them in all their pixelated glory. And one day (hopefully soon), I'll be able to sit at a desk with them again, and we'll look back and laugh together about our time in lockdown. Who knows, we may even miss some aspects of it.

If you're struggling with mood swings and monotony in lockdown, share your thoughts and tips on how you've been coping in the Comments section, below.

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Crying at Work and How to Help – Your Top Tips https://www.mindtools.com/blog/crying-at-work-mttips/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/crying-at-work-mttips/#comments Thu, 09 Apr 2020 11:00:23 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=21005 Crying at work is widely regarded as something of a taboo. If you're reduced to tears in the workplace, there is the very real fear that others will see you as weak, overemotional or unprofessional. And if personal issues are the cause of your distress, you don't want to feel disapproval from your boss or […]

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Crying at work is widely regarded as something of a taboo. If you're reduced to tears in the workplace, there is the very real fear that others will see you as weak, overemotional or unprofessional.

And if personal issues are the cause of your distress, you don't want to feel disapproval from your boss or colleagues at bringing outside problems into work.

Controlling Your Emotions

But, the thing is, tears are hard to control. And, unless you are a brilliant actor, it can be incredibly difficult to pretend that everything is fine when it's not. We all face times when we feel overwhelmed by one thing or another.

Just take the past few months of the coronavirus pandemic, for example. I'm sure there are plenty of us who have shed a tear over our laptops, wondering to ourselves, "How did this happen? When will it all go back to normal?"

Every time I switch on the news, I find something new to cry about. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a scary or sad thing, either. I'm partial to a happy cry too, on occasion.

Suppression Doesn't Work

I've been caught crying at work plenty of times. Tears of anger, frustration, sadness, happiness, laughter. I've tried and tried to control my emotions; to stamp them down and swallow that lump in my throat. But I'm just no good at it! It's just not me. It's not part of my DNA. Simply put, I'm a crier. And that's OK.

So, as I've got older I've stopped trying to suppress the tears. (I should add this doesn't mean I'm just walking around crying in the office all the time!) And, do you know what? People's reactions are generally kind and caring. I'm lucky: my colleagues can also be counted as my friends. I'd like to think I've been there for them when they've had what I'd call a "wobble," too.

What to Do When You Find Someone Crying at Work

I remember finding a co-worker – someone I'd spoken only about half a dozen words to – in the bathroom, crying. At first, she was embarrassed. So was I – I barely knew her. But rather than ignore her or pretend that I hadn't noticed, I asked her, "Are you OK? What's happened?"

It turned out that her boss had been putting pressure on her and she just wasn't coping. He'd knocked her self-confidence and made her feel pretty bad.

I knew nothing about this situation. So I suggested she talk to him about her feelings. Better that, than hide them away like they're something to be ashamed of. After all, he's just a person, right?

I have no idea whether the advice I gave her helped. But her mood seemed brighter and the tears stopped. I think just having someone who's willing to listen to you without judgment can be all it takes to feel better.

Crying at Work and How to Help: Your Top Tips

We wanted to know how you handle crying at work. What do you do when you simply can't stop the tears from coming? How do you help your colleagues when they're finding it a struggle, too? Here's a selection of some of the best tips and advice we received from our friends and followers on social media.

Tears Are Normal – Don't Hold Back!

Interestingly, a lot of you made the point that crying is a perfectly normal way to express your emotions. And that suppressing these feelings can have a significant negative impact on our mood and mental health in the longer term.

Facebook friend Heidi Ziegele said, "When a person cries, it's an expression of emotions which are normal and natural. They don't always make sense, logically. And yes, sometimes they happen when we are at work.

"Emotions are like an energy passing through the body. If you allow them to move through you, they will pass in minutes and subside like a wave. When that does happen, it helps to have another human to hold space for this.

"Holding space for someone means to be with them in that space: have empathy, listen, don't try to fix. Give affirmations to what they say they are feeling, such as, 'That sounds hard.' Don't give advice, try to fix, or say, 'Look at the bright side!' That's not what's needed, unless it's asked for.

"Questions like, 'How can I best support you right now?' can go a long way to making the person feel heard and understood and that they have someone who cares."

Rebecca Dion agreed. She said, "Give them space and not make a big deal. It is what it is." And Muhammad Adam Abdullah offered one of the most profound sentiments I've come across on an MTtips discussion with this gem: "People who shed a tear at work are the strongest that I have seen. It is not a sign of weakness."

Listening and Empathy

Many of you highlighted the importance of empathy and listening when helping someone who's crying at work.

As HR and coaching professional Nicola McCall said on LinkedIn, "Help them to a space where they can cry and not feel they have embarrassed themselves (if they want). Sit and be with them. Say nothing, just be a presence. Listen when they want to talk, if they do.  

"Ask them what would help them go back to work, if they wish to when they're ready. Or would they prefer more time, to go home, to contact a family member or friend? Listen and help them to change state from being overwhelmed to being able to support themselves and make decisions again. Demonstrate kindness and integrity, whatever their working relationship with you."

On Facebook, Paulo Tuason seconded the power of listening. He said, "Let them vent. Most of the time they need an ear to listen and not a mouth for you to speak."

Keep Your Conversation Private

Several people flagged up the importance of keeping your conversation private when you talk to a colleague who's crying at work. And, crucially, not using it as an excuse to fuel gossip.

Facebook friend Tammy Touhey commented, "Keep your judgments to yourself and don't gossip about it. Whatever they say during a vent is just a vent. Period. Don't go running to the boss and don't talk about it under the guise of 'concern.' One day, it'll be you."

Adel Mezrab echoed these sentiments on LinkedIn, and highlighted the importance of showing support. He said, "Expressing solidarity, telling a joke that cheers a person up, offering support, and shedding light on bright aspects. Even more important, giving privacy to team members and keeping them away from others. For some people, even private space itself might be a solution."

Give People Space

Allowing people some space to breathe and collect their thoughts away from other people was also recommended by several of you.

Facebook friend Gareth Norcott said, "Withhold judgment. Give them space. Offer a tissue and some time away from desks to talk if they want this. Acknowledge [that] crying is a very human emotion and nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about."

Similarly, Sharee Barsby highlighted the importance of giving them space, as well as signposting other sources of support. She explained, "Pull them away privately and discreetly. Allow them the free space to have someone just listen.

"Depending on the situation, I will suggest they contact the onsite therapist or life coach. I still send them their contact information after our chat. I always suggest if they are going to stay on, to take an extra break to collect themselves, wash their face, and take some alone time.

"If they request to go home, they are free to go home. If they also stay on after, I do check-ins throughout the rest of their shift to see how they are doing. I even allow them to work on things that would give them the ability to take their mind off things. I will always plan a check-in meeting on their next shift to see how things are going. Giving someone your time and showing you care always works best."

The Power of Laughter and Kindness

Many of you focused on the positive things you can do to cheer people up. From random acts of kindness, such as making them a cup of tea or giving them a little present, to telling them a joke to help lift the mood.

Kay Wheatley on Facebook said, "Leave a box of chocs on their desk, with an anonymous note saying, 'Seems like a chocolate kind of day/week – don't forget I am here for you.'

"They will spend a lot of time thinking about who would have left the chocs there for them. Cheers them up a tiny bit, as usually they come up with quite a few people and it all helps. Tricking our brain and redirecting our thoughts is the way to go."

Chocolates are certainly one way to go (a good way, if you're a bit of chocaholic like me). Hugs work for Flissy J Freeman-Bull. She said, "I used to get a hug each shift from a teammate and it was heartfelt and uplifting." The etiquette around hugging is tricky at the best of times, so in these times of enforced isolation, perhaps offer a virtual hug instead!

Finally (let's end on a positive), Facebook friend Jen Bishop recommended laughter as a good cure for the blues: "A good laugh helps to balance the emotion for me."

Do you have any more tips or advice about crying at work, and what can be done to support co-workers through tough times? Add them in the Comments box, below.

The post Crying at Work and How to Help – Your Top Tips appeared first on Mind Tools.

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