Boredom might sound appealing to those who are constantly rushed off their feet. But feeling underworked may be more common and damaging than you think. In fact, a recent study showed that almost 20 percent of U.S. workers feel "actively disengaged" from their work. It's such a prolific problem that it even has a name: rust-out.

Rust-out vs. Burnout

If burnout is the stressed and tired employee rushing from one task to the next, rust-out is their lethargic and unmotivated colleague.

The term, originally coined by psychotherapist Paula Coles, refers to chronic boredom borne out of unstimulating work. In contrast, burnout is caused by overstimulation. And while it may sound contradictory, doing too little can be just as emotionally exhausting as doing too much.

The causes of burnout and rust-out may be poles apart but the symptoms can be surprisingly similar. Those suffering with rust-out can feel agitated, short-tempered or anxious, and may procrastinate to avoid work that doesn't motivate them. If left unchecked, long-term boredom can even affect your eating and sleeping habits, and lead to depression.

How to Spot the Signs of Rust-out

Much like real rust, rust-out can linger below the surface and may not be immediately obvious. You may even mistake it for laziness. Instead, rust-out can actually be a sign that you've outgrown your role or responsibilities.

Perhaps you feel that your job is the same day in, day out, with no sign of change. Or that the work you do doesn't align with your personal values. It could be that your skills aren't being put to proper use. You're certainly not learning anything new.

And while rust-out can occur at any point in your career, these feelings are particularly common among new graduates and middle managers. The former may feel limited by a role that doesn't reflect their abilities and qualifications. The latter may feel stuck in their routine, unable to progress, and believe that their career has plateaued.

How to Defeat Rust-out

Whether you're suffering from rust-out yourself, or you manage someone else who is, spotting the signs early is the best way to tackle it before it gets out of hand.

Be Honest

When a job becomes boring or unfulfilling, it's easy to assume that you need to move on to greener pastures. But a new job isn't the only answer.

Be honest with your manager about how you're feeling and discuss ways that you can incorporate more of what you love into your existing role. There may be more opportunities to craft your job to your liking than you realize!

As a manager, be compassionate and broach the subject carefully. Assure your team member that you're there to help, and establish a solid understanding of the problem before you offer solutions.

Identify Your Values

One common reason that people feel unhappy in their jobs is that their work doesn't reflect their values. Consider the times in your life and career when you've felt the happiest, proudest and most fulfilled.

Perhaps it’s when you've helped someone through a difficult time, solved a seemingly impossible problem, or made a lucrative sale. Once you've determined what matters most to you, you'll be able to prioritize these values and steer your career in the right direction.

As a manager, be patient and open-minded; this process can take time and you may hear some hard truths, but it's vital that you don’t become defensive. In fact, this feedback is crucial to ensure that your team is running at its best.

Find Your Passions

Do you have any special skills that aren’t being utilized? For example, do you have a creative streak that's going unnoticed in an admin-heavy role? When our strengths and passions are ignored or underappreciated, it's easy to lose motivation.

Identify the things that you do best and explore ways that you can incorporate them into your job, as well as other positions and opportunities that better suit your skillset.

It's a manager's role to ensure that everyone's jobs align with their strengths so keep an eye out for skills gaps in your teams. What new opportunities could your team members take on? What support or training would they need to develop? How can you help them achieve their goals?

The Bright Side of Rust-out

Rust-out can feel like a dark cloud hanging over you, but the good news is that there is a silver lining. If you're feeling unfulfilled in your job, then now is a great opportunity to reassess your current position, immediate opportunities for growth, and long-term goals.

Useful Resources

Here's a curated list of Mind Tools relevant resources (please keep in mind you may need to be a member of the Mind Tools Club to access certain resources):

What Are Your Values?

Overcoming Procrastination (Skillbook)

How to Take Care of Your “Social Battery”

Job Crafting

Avoiding Burnout

About the Author

With a background in writing and illustration, Rosie uses her creative eye to produce eye-catching content. Specializing in videos, newsletters and articles, Rosie produces, writes, edits, and proofreads a wide range of resources. When she's not busy working, she'll likely be found whipping up cakes for her friends and family!

The post What Is Rust-out? Meet Burnout's Boring Alter Ego appeared first on Mind Tools.

I was recently out for a social occasion with some former teammates from my days in publishing. We were colleagues for nearly a decade. We've been through a lot together, and we're pretty close. Inevitably, we reminisced.

After a few laughs, someone said, "Oh, and what about Michael?" The mood changed instantly. Eyes were rolled. Heads were shaken. Words were used which had no place in a friendly gathering. The contempt and loathing were unanimous.

When Middle Managers Go Bad

Michael – not his real name, for obvious reasons – had been our manager. What you'd call a "middle manager." Neither C-suiter nor grunt, he was responsible for presenting the numbers to the next managerial layer up. And responsible for us.

Seen from above, I've no doubt that Michael was a model of competence. He hit targets and trimmed costs. He smoothed any potential turbulence, shielding his own superiors from the serious organizational problems being faced by team members.

From below, he was a nightmare. Untrustworthy, evasive and weak, he would go weeks without speaking to any of us outside formal meetings. As a close-knit group working on outlier projects, we probably weren't the easiest bunch to manage. But Michael didn't try.

The Stretched Middle

Michael's brand of "managing up" is just one reason why middle managers get a bad rap. And yet it's easy to see why it happens. Middle managers are often forced to flip between directing their teams and deferring to their superiors. They end up working on behalf of their reports and appeasing bosses who aren't interested in their problems, as long as the numbers look good.

It's no wonder some of them take the easy option. Others try to face both ways at the same time, fall short, and suffer stress or even burnout.

This is the situation the book "Power to the Middle" addresses. Written by three McKinsey consultants with substantial experience of middle management, the book acknowledges that middle managers are in the midst of a crisis. But it doesn't have to be that way.

A Better Way for Middle Managers?

Back to the social gathering. Also present was the manager who had set up the team in the first place. Let's call her Kate. Before being made redundant – a frequent fate for middle managers – Kate had recruited us, built our skills and invested time in us.

She had also shielded us from the politics and maneuvering of the layer above her. And she was with us that evening as a friend, not a former manager.

The authors of "Power to the Middle" would approve of Kate. She's their kind of middle manager. But she could only truly have flourished in an enlightened organization. Enlightened enough to see her potential as a developer of people. To free her from micro-reporting and infighting. Our employer wasn't that organization. Kate went, and we got Michael.

Freedom From Above

Typically, Kate is diplomatic about Michael. She understands the pressures that make him what he is. But she's also certain that her way of doing things is the right way. Her reports would agree. Her own bosses might have seen the point too, if they could've looked away from a culture based on the short-term fix. It's a big ask. But doesn't a culture in which people are free to develop their own skills and their teams' sound like a healthier option?

The authors of "Power to the Middle" think so. They place revitalized middle managers at the very heart of healthy organization, empowered by an enlightened C-suite. And isn't that where they ought to be?

Listen to Our "Power to the Middle" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Power to the Middle" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he’s worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he’s specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Why Middle Managers Need Better Managing appeared first on Mind Tools.

The question is: just how important are workplace friendships? And how can remote workers make lasting friendships at work that lead to both emotional and professional support?

Why Are Work Friends Important?

According to Gallup, having best friends at work directly correlates with employee engagement and success. Having a best friend at work not only serves as a motivator for employees to look forward to going to work, but also has a direct impact on employee retention, productivity, and company culture.

Since the start of the pandemic, people with a best friend at work have reported that they feel less alone than those without one. Additionally, they're generally more satisfied with their workplace and therefore less likely to leave.

If you're still not convinced, here are my top three reasons why work friends are essential:

1. They're great stress busters.

Work can be incredibly stressful. If you're not careful, there's a great chance that you'll end up suffering from burnout. "People experiencing burnout symptoms are usually trying to live up to impossible standards and expectations from other people and themselves," according to Centres for Health and Healing. "Working excessive hours and not taking time to care for themselves properly – month after month – stress levels will build up. The relentless, ongoing pressure typically comes from various sources, including work, financial problems, underlying health issues, family and challenging relationships."

Having friends at work to whom you can vent or offer support is a good way to ground yourself and reduce stress. Work friends can lend their ear when things get tough and offer a different perspective when there's a dispute.

We've all been in a position where we're just starting a job and feeling extremely nervous about not being liked by colleagues, or about the nature of the job. A simple smile from a colleague can transform existential dread into excitement. When navigating a new role, having a friendly face in the office is unquestionably a godsend.

Moreover, having work friends creates a sense of camaraderie that makes teamwork enjoyable. Feeling seen and acknowledged by your colleagues can make a difference, especially if your role requires constant teamwork. A positive and nurturing environment leads to more innovation, creativity and communication, which are ultimately beneficial not only for the individual, but also for the organization as a whole.

2. Work buddies bring out the best in us.

When we're surrounded by colleagues we actually get along with, we're likely to be more productive and produce higher-quality work. This is because positive relationships create a sense of shared purpose and accountability that urges us to put our best foot forward.

Work friends can also serve as a sounding board when it comes to work in which you're not one hundred percent confident. They can help us when we most need it, teach us new things that can help to improve our work, and provide valuable feedback and ideas that can lead to collaborative innovation.

Finally, when we have a supportive group of people around us, we're more likely to enjoy what we do and therefore focus on the task. Instead of constantly looking at our watch, work friends can prod us to push harder and feel energized by our work.

3. Connections are everything.

As the adage goes, "It's who you know, not what you know." Making friends at work is crucial if you want to advance your career.

Building strong relationships with colleagues can be the final piece of the puzzle to get that well-deserved promotion, transfer to a better department, or even move to a better job thanks to a friend of a friend. Ultimately, connections are everything, especially in a professional environment.

Making Friendships in a Virtual Workspace

Work friends have the potential to open up a world of possibilities and perspectives. Virtual workplaces, in particular, offer the unique opportunity to make work friends based in different parts of the world – opening up our worldview and creating a work culture that's more inclusive, cosmopolitan and innovative, thanks to the wonderful cross-pollination of ideas.

However, while making friends as an adult is hard, making work friends in a virtual workplace is even harder!

If you're one of the thousands of people who've switched to the "digital nomad" lifestyle during the pandemic, here are some tips for developing rewarding friendships with your peers:

Be the first one to reach out.

First things first – don't be afraid to reach out to people in your work chat. A quick introduction has the potential to lead to a virtual work friendship, so never underestimate the power of saying "hello!"

Participate in virtual events and groups.

Some companies host virtual events and team-building sessions that encourage you to connect with your colleagues on a personal level. Others may simply offer channels where you can talk about your hobbies or share photos of your pets. Engaging with these events and groups is the perfect way to meet like-minded people and find your work bestie!

Opt for a video call.

Video calls are more personal than chats. Not everyone will be comfortable having their camera on, but video calling a willing colleague is a great way to start a friendly conversation and make yourself appear more approachable.

Ask for feedback.

Asking for feedback is a good way to build new relationships. It not only helps you gain different insights, but also shows your potential work friends that you trust their feedback and value their expertise.

Can You Ever Be Friends With Your Manager?

The relationship between a manager and their team members is a delicate one. Maybe you get along with your manager, but feel torn when it comes to actually fostering a friendship with them.

When dealing with this dilemma, it's important to remember that friendship is a two-way street. The relationship between a manager and an employee involves power dynamics that can make it more difficult. Managers can make or break their employee's career. This obvious power dynamic makes it difficult to be friends with your manager, as a personal argument can lead to a professional nosedive.

Power dynamics can be further complicated when team dynamics are involved. If you're friends with your manager, you may feel compelled to agree with certain decisions that you may not actually agree with. In addition, being your manager's bestie can harm your relationship with your colleagues, as they may feel that the manager favors you over them.

However, this doesn't mean that managers should be coldhearted. A good manager values each of their subordinates and encourages them to reach their full potential for the good of the team. Being an excellent communicator and a "people person" are essential managerial qualities, as managers have the responsibility to unlock the maximum capabilities of their team.

However, a good boss or manager should know that friendship with one of their subordinates can be a slippery slope, and they'll need to draw a line somewhere. Nevertheless, if the manager and the subordinate decide to become friends or have an existing friendship, they should communicate this with the rest of the team to ensure that everyone feels involved and valued. 

If you enjoyed this blog, you may also be interested in these Mind Tools resources:

Building Good Work Relationships
How Good Are Your People Skills?
Reconnecting After COVID
Finding Your Allies
How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, With Peter Handal

About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually while curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post 3 Reasons Why Work Friends Are Important appeared first on Mind Tools.

Even after three years, we are still riding the ripple effects of Covid-19, and we’re still living in “uncertain times.” That's why we've created a brand new range of stress and wellbeing videos aimed at addressing the various different aspects and impacts of stress. Here's how they can help...

Identifying Different Types of Stress 

Living in a permacrisis means that stressors are coming at you from left, right and center! And with so many different factors at play, it can be hard to know exactly why you feel stressed. Is it that deadline that’s looming? Or that “quick chat” your boss asked for tomorrow? 

Knowing what kind of stress you’re experiencing is a vital first step to overcoming it. 

Dr Karl Albrecht defines four types of stress that you’ve likely encountered at some point in your life: Time, Anticipatory, Situational, and Encounter Stress. Find out more about each of them in our video on Albrecht’s Four Types of Stress.

Dealing With Money Worries

A more specific type of stress is financial anxiety, and it’s becoming increasingly common. In fact, the majority of adults in the U.S. cite inflation as a cause of stress.  

Financial struggles affect everyone differently, and it’s hard to cut down on spending if you already have a tight budget. But there are still things that you can do to minimize this kind of stress, and there are people that you can reach out to if you’re really struggling. 

Discover more in our video, Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing. 

Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Wellbeing

If you have an active or high-strain job, chances are you probably experience stress at work. You may even carry this home with you, which can have a negative effect on your family and friends. The Demand-Control Model of Job Stress is designed to help you manage precisely this kind of stress, by analyzing your workload and level of autonomy.

Protecting your boundaries at work is another great way to ease job stress, whether your role is high-strain or not. You may find it hard to say "no" to people, even when you have a mountain of other things vying for your attention. But it you say "yes" to everything, you may find you struggle to get anything done! It isn’t always easy to say “no” to someone, but our video on managing your boundaries at work has lots of tips on how to protect your time and energy. 

Supporting Others to Cope With Stress 

And what if you spot someone else struggling with stress – do you feel equipped to help them? Or do you struggle to know what to do?  

If you’re a manager or leader, it’s your responsibility to provide your workforce with the right tools and support systems for managing their mental health. And there are plenty of things you can do to help as a colleague, too. Our video, 6 Ways to Support Employees’ Mental Health provides some great advice on how you can do just that. 

What did you think of our stress and wellbeing videos? If you have more tips on how to manage stress in a permacrisis, we’d love to hear them! Please share your ideas and experiences in the comments below. 

Our next batch of videos will cover different types and methods of coaching! Keep an eye out for them on February 21. 

The post Managing Stress in a Permacrisis – NEW Stress and Wellbeing Videos appeared first on Mind Tools.

I can see myself now: sitting cross-legged on my bed with tears pouring down my face. All as I tried to explain to the person on the other end of the phone how dreadful I felt. And why I couldn't face going back to work.

The doctor had signed me off with a list of reasons so long that it barely fitted on the sick note. Grief, bereavement, depression, anxiety, stress, and other words to that effect. Yet that lengthy diagnosis didn't do justice to how bereft I felt.

Meaning and Meaningless

If only I'd had Lewis' book "Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace," by my side. It might have helped me to make sense of myself.

In this excellent book, Lewis argues that many workers today suffer a feeling of "total and utter meaninglessness." That they "lack the awareness of a meaning worth living for." They suffer from what psychiatrist and neurologist Victor Frankl referred to as "the existential vacuum."

These phrases describe exactly how I was feeling back then. Granted, my father had died; I'd lost a parent in my mid-30s. It was a time when I was single, without children, living alone, and far away from other family members. It was a big deal.

But the emptiness I felt was bigger than my grief. Or maybe grief put me in touch with the void.

As I stared out of the window of my one-bedroom flat, I wondered what on earth I'd been striving for. Is this it? I asked.

The Meaning of Life

I'd given my all to my career. And in return, my career had given me a sense of achievement, a sense of belonging, opportunities for adventure, and bucketloads of adrenaline.

The problem was I'd given so much that I had nothing left. I felt exhausted, empty and alone. I'd worked my socks off. But for what?

What was even more confusing was that I had an amazing job. I was, during this psychological crisis, a political journalist for Reuters. I worked at a desk in the U.K. Parliament and regularly popped into Downing Street or traveled on the Prime Minister's plane.

Shouldn't I feel happy and fulfilled? I see now that the job, no matter how impressive it was, was no longer fulfilling me at all. There had to be something more, a different way to use my talents.

Potential Pitfalls

In "Toxic," Lewis also says that mental health issues are often based on the tension between what one has achieved and what one has the potential to become.

I knew I had more potential but didn't know how to do anything else. Until it dawned on me that, instead of writing about politics, I could write about myself.

I started to blog about how lost I felt, by then aged 40, still single and childless, still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Shouldn't I have this sorted by now? I blogged about my struggles with an eating disorder and my tendency to fall into unhealthy relationships. I blogged about the stuff that meant something to me.

As I wrote from the heart, people in the same boat – mostly professional women with impressive careers but no partners and no kids – wrote and thanked me for telling their stories. For helping them to make sense of their lives. And that feedback meant more to me than my most-read Reuters stories, even the ones that ended up in prestigious newspapers.

Solve the Evolve Conundrum

This sense of meaning I'd found gave me the courage and the energy to keep going, to write a book and to build a business that supports others and brings me fulfillment.

So, what can organizations, businesses, and managers, learn from my experience of breakdown? And what too from what Lewis says in this book about the importance of finding meaning?

The key takeaway, I think, is to understand what makes people tick. But to also appreciate that what made them tick in their 30s, may no longer make them tick in their 40s or 50s.

As humans, we change and evolve and some of us need our careers to evolve with us. If they don't, we may lose that sense of meaning.

Meaning Makes Business Sense

We may become depressed, we may take out our resentment on colleagues at work – become the bullies or bad managers Lewis writes about. We may fall ill, physically or mentally, or we may look elsewhere for more fulfilling work.

It may be a tall order but making sure employees feel a sense of meaning makes perfect business sense.

I like to imagine a utopia where everyone is playing to their strengths and achieving their full potential, with balance and self-care. In a world in which employees are happy and healthy, their loved ones are too, and organizations flourish and prosper.

Lewis' statistics on employee disengagement and the picture he paints of toxic workplaces suggest we have a long way to go. But his tally of the huge personal and financial costs of mental health issues suggests this dream is worth fighting for.

Download Our "Toxic" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Toxic" Book Insight review now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

Have you experienced a "Toxic" workplace? How did you cope? Let us know in the comments!

The post How Work Without Meaning Can Be Toxic Too appeared first on Mind Tools.

Even if we usually feel OK as we go about our day, running into that thing makes our anxiety spike – and we start telling stories in our head about what an inadequate person we are.

You might think of it as your inner demon or the dark side of your brain.

Self-Esteem's Bottom Line

While reading Melanie Fennell's ground-breaking and practical book "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques," I was reminded of my own demons.

One of them likes to come out when I feel criticized. I react with touchiness and retreat from whoever I perceive as a source of criticism. The author says this is perfectly normal.

I learned that low self-esteem, whether a regular occurrence or triggered by situations, starts with a negative belief about the self that she calls a "Bottom Line." Mine whispers, “You always mess up, there's something wrong with you.”

The book explains that we make "Rules for Living" that we impose upon ourselves to avoid triggering our Bottom Line beliefs. If I feel I am bad, for example, I might try to avoid that feeling by acting "good."

And guess what? It's stressful to try to be good all the time! Avoiding negative feelings about ourselves costs us a lot of time and energy.

Changing Your Self-Esteem Story

So what can we do instead? The book led me through exercises in noticing my negative thinking, seeing how it affects my actions, then brainstorming alternatives and putting them into practice.

For instance, what do I do to avoid getting criticized? Sometimes I avoid people or freeze up around them. Is that helpful behavior? Not really! Better to engage and have a discussion, which is more likely to lead to resolution.

The book also had readers inventory their positive qualities. This wasn't just a nice but vague list. (I've made those before, usually in cover letters for jobs!)

Look for the Good: You'll Find It

It drew on the things that I'd done recently and had me identify what good qualities they showed about myself.

As an example, I made some art during Emerald Works' Learning Fest, demonstrating creativity and dedication to completing a task.

The real insight for me is that the activity doesn't require you to always demonstrate these positive qualities. Even if they only emerge in something you do occasionally, this still shows that you have them!

What's Your Demon?

I'd recommend reading "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" if you want to work on building a more balanced view of yourself. It's long and involves a lot of activities: however, it's an easy read.

I've read a lot of psychology books and made sincere efforts to shift my thoughts and behavior. But this book had fresh insights to offer, even to a seasoned reader in the field.

If I think of the demon metaphor (mine, not the book's), it's as if I've been letting that demon write the story of my life.

"Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" focuses on putting that pen back in my hand and ensuring that I'm the one writing the story. What do you want your story to be?

Download Our "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream the "Overcoming Low Self-Esteem" Book Insight review now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licencing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

Do you know your inner demon well? What does it have to say? What could you say back to it? Let us know in the comments!

The post Self-Esteem: When My Inner Demon Gets It Wrong appeared first on Mind Tools.

Balance in work is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.

How Can I Help You When I’m Exhausted Too?

Under the best of circumstances, work can be exhausting. Too many projects, conflicting deadlines, and resource shortages may combine to cause stress and anxiety and drain our energy. (Have you noticed that while there are often resource shortages, there's never a shortage of projects?)

How to Help Team Members Avoid or Recover From Exhaustion

I've helped lead teams for nearly three decades, through reductions in force, mergers, reorganizations, and most recently, a global pandemic. The following five practices have helped me help my colleagues to survive and succeed through ongoing changes and stressors of the workplace:

1. I first need to make sure I'm taking care of myself. I can't very well help a colleague manage their stress and fatigue if I'm not able to manage my own. My own wellbeing must be a priority.
2. Next, I try to be present and pay attention. One of my mantras is work the day, don't let my day work me. If I'm working my day, I'm attuned to the people around me. Who needs help? Who's facing a challenge? How may I help?
3. The next step is to listen openly and actively. So many times we want to jump to the solution. Our reflex may be to try to "fix" things, when what our colleague really needs is someone who will listen. One of the leadership muscles I've grown over the years is to help people find their own solutions by simply being there to listen. Often workplace fatigue and dissatisfaction come from a feeling of not being acknowledged. A practice of open listening helps to build trust and lets your colleague know that they matter and that they are heard.
4. To do this, I make sure I'm connecting consistently, both formally and informally. For example, our team has a daily 9:30 a.m. check-in and every team member participates. It's a great way to find out who may be overloaded and who may be able to help. It's also a chance for us to celebrate and share successes. That's energizing in itself!
5. Finally, I try to lead with empathy and compassion. I may not fully understand the situation, but if I’m exercising empathy, I'm letting the other person know that I'm there to help. And here's the thing about practicing empathy – it creates an energy of its own. I often leave a conversation where my colleague or I are reaching out in a way that conveys empathy and I find myself energized.

These five practices remind me that no matter my job or my role on the team, I seek to be of service. Letting that purpose guide my efforts helps me to effectively manage workplace stress and fatigue, for myself and others.

Managing Exhausted Team Members

During Friday’s #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed the ways to identify and address signs of fatigue and burnout within ourselves and with others.  Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. How do you recognize signs of exhaustion (in yourself and/or others)?

@SayItForwardNow Many ways, including: actually looking tired, missing deadlines, forgetting information that is usually at one's "fingertips," and higher-than-usual anxiety.

@pavelStepanov77 You are exhausted when you can no longer focus on what you are doing and your brain is telling you to take a rest.

Q2. Is there a difference between exhaustion and burnout? Explain.

@NWarind Exhaustion needs recharging whereas burnout needs rebooting.

@JeffBledsoe33 With exhaustion, there is an opportunity to recover. With burnout, you run the risk of developing resentment or no recovery to a point of no return to a task, job, or career.

Q3. What can you do if someone can’t see their own fatigue/exhaustion?

@ColfaxInsurance Approach the subject in a way that won't make the other person feel like you're attacking or judging them. If you come from a place of caring and understanding, they will (hopefully) be more open to seeing the problem.

@ThiamMeka2Gogue Raise their awareness about the issue and recommend them to take a break, such as: clearing their schedule of nonessential tasks for a few days; taking an extended vacation; or booking an hour of time for themselves each day.

Q4. How would you approach someone to discuss the impact of exhaustion on their performance?

@CaptRajeshwar As leaders, we should have that aura where anyone can approach us with their challenges. Exhaustion happens also with small skill gaps, to which people get struck and feel ashamed to ask for help. We should read between the lines and create a barrier-free, fearless space.

@_GT_Coaching There may be various formal processes but informally I would aim to create an environment that encourages people to go to others knowing there will be no judgment. My approach is always one of coaching so asking them for their thoughts about their performance.

Q5. What responsibility does a team member have for their own risk of exhaustion and how does that change your view of them?

@Midgie_MT We are all responsible for ourselves to do what is necessary; however, the person might be in denial and be so overwhelmed that they do not know where to start. Offer support and resources.

@DrSupriya_MT My view about such people would surely be supportive because taking care of yourself is what adult behavior is. Not standing up for yourself will create a trap for others, too.

Q6. What factors lead to a workplace culture of exhaustion or burnout?

@simplicitytown [One factor is] over-demanding bosses putting pressure [on their teams].

@MikeB_MT Too many projects, staff and resource shortages, unforgiving deadlines, unrealistic expectations, and a culture that doesn't forgive or make it OK to fail – all could lead to exhaustion among employees.

Q7. Which workplace policies can help to prevent exhaustion/burnout? How do they benefit employees?

@junkkDNA Team outings, prioritizing health, and work-life balance; they increase productivity, work efficiency and also keep employees mentally and physically healthy.

@PG_pmp Equality and transparency with no biases can.

Q8. How can you lead by example to prevent exhaustion and burnout?

@SayItForwardNow Model BALANCE between work and the rest of my life. Do not send emails to work teams late at night or very early morning. Do not work on vacation days! Discuss the importance of prioritization and of self-care!

@BRAVOMedia1 Depends on where you are working, but the "leader" sets the tone of the organization. Since that leader usually answers to a bigger leader whose "soul" purpose is only on ROI, it's doomed from the onset. (Not an optimistic thought but my truth from my corporate environment days.)

@greatergoodgeek I might ask a co-worker to take a quick 10-minute walk up and down the hallway with me, to stretch the legs on a long work day at the desk.

Q9. How can you best support an exhausted team member?

@AnuMeera2024 Give a genuine opportunity to share; feeling heard without judgment is a huge relief. Validate and don't dismiss. Let them have an unbiased, objective session to review the situation and come up with a wish list of solutions – to be determined and negotiated.

@ZalaB_MT Offer empathy and support. Don't judge or even assume people are making it up or seeing attention. If you see a co-worker struggling, try talking to them and if you see warning signs of deep exhaustion; talk to your manager and let them take the lead.

Q10. What are some tips to manage exhaustion and any associated guilt?

@Dwyka_Consult Don't live to work. Live to live. Practice self-compassion. It will also help you to be more compassionate towards other exhausted people.

@SabrinaCadini In addition to taking care of the basics (nutrition, sleep, movement, self-care), taking breaks can absolutely help and focus on your breathing. It can do wonders when feeling stressed out or exhausted; it's a little "reset" practice helping the body switch from the fight-or-flight state to a more relaxed state.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

Managing our exhaustion and burnout can cause stress.

Good stress relievers include activities that calm the mind, body, and soul.  How do you feel when you're calm after being stressed or angry? 

In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like you to share the activities you find calming.

Exhaustion Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Are You a Fake-Aholic?
Your Top Tips to Avoid Emotional Exhaustion at Work
Recovering From Burnout
Managing Your Boundaries
How to Find the Right Work-Life Balance
How to Be More Organized
Managing Stress
7 Ways to Keep Going When You Want to Give Up
Prioritization
Self-Discipline

The post Managing Exhausted Team Members – #MTTalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

"The gates of hell are locked from the inside."

Fake-aholics would recognize themselves in this quotation. They exist in a living nightmare made of their own choosing.

What Is a Fake-Aholic?

A fake-aholic is someone who has a compulsion to work hard, day in and day out, even when they're beyond exhausted. But they don't let on that they are worn out. Instead, they put on a brave front, and pretend that everything is fine.

On the outside, fake-aholics appear to have a high drive and to be highly involved in their work. To their colleagues, they seem as work enthusiasts, who show up calm and in control.

On the inside, however, there is a different reality. Fake-aholics experience low work enjoyment, even dread, because they’re constantly overwhelmed and stressed. It's a high act of pretence that no one notices because fake-aholics are so adept at acting as if everything is in order.

What makes matters worse is that no matter how bad they feel on the inside, fake-aholics are often in denial of their situations. What they fail to see is that continually pretending to be in control can lead to emotional misery, physical and emotional exhaustion, burnout and illness.

Why Are Fake-Aholics in Denial?

Ingrained Fake-Aholic Habits

Fake-aholics develop a habit of plastering a smile on their faces to hide their exhaustion. They can also appear impassive, to conceal the fact that they're in over their heads.

They're so used to this behavior that it becomes second nature. They can become so desensitized to these habits that they become their way of life. Living on the edge for a long time feels normal.

Inability to Envision Alternatives

In their hearts, some fake-aholics know that this is not the way they want to spend their professional lives, but they may feel that their situations are inescapable.

Consequently, fake-aholics fear that trying to make a change may only open an emotional portal with no viable results. They see no exit, so, why bother?

Layoff Survivor Guilt

Fake-aholics who keep their jobs in the present challenging economic times might experience layoff survivor guilt. They might, therefore, be ill at ease at the thought of complaining about the intensity of work schedules, for example, when others have lost their jobs.

The Comparison Trap

Some fake-aholics fall into the comparison trap. They compare themselves with other people in similar or worse situations who seem to be coping well. The comparison reinforces their fear of appearing weak and being "found out."

Four Solutions for Fake-Aholism

You don't have to be defenceless against the debilitating effects of fake-aholism. Consider these four simple strategies to help you:

1. Start an Accomplishment Diary

One emotion fake-aholics grapple with is the fear of being perceived as inadequate. My coach shared this piece of wisdom with me long ago. He said, "If you don't deal with the emotions, the emotions will deal with you."

That is, the inability to square off with our emotions doesn't make them go away. They stay inside, causing increased anxiety and intensified rumination. Research shows that inhibiting the expression of emotions can endanger our physical and psychological health and well-being.

One way of quieting the fear of appearing inadequate is to start an accomplishment diary. At the end of your workday ask yourself, "What did I achieve today?" Jot down your successes for the day, however big or small. Consider these examples:

There are many wins, big and small, that can go unnoticed in a day. Keeping score of these wins is hard data that can help you to appreciate all that you have accomplished.

2. Get Rid of Fake-Aholic Comparison

Confidence begins when you decide to be yourself. Comparing yourself to others can only lead to misery. Instead, measure yourself against who you were in the past. You can go back several years, several weeks, or just yesterday. Ask yourself, "Am I better today than I was yesterday? If not, what can I learn to do better tomorrow?"

Self-comparison is the most meaningful way to assess your growth and inspire you to continue to enhance yourself.

3. Establish a Support Network

You may feel shame at your "failure" to cope. So surround yourself with people you trust, who are supportive of you despite your "imperfections." These could be colleagues, family, or friends.

Don't be surprised if you discover that you're not alone: many people feel overwhelmed, especially in times of crisis, and don't own up to it, either.

Asking your colleagues for help may seem particularly daunting, but chances are they'd be happy to take the strain off you, and your working relationships could be stronger, not weaker, as a result.

Use social media to connect with groups that can offer guidance, and solutions you may not have considered. Talking to like-minded people is one of the best self-soothing activities.

4. Take a Break!

If you're struggling with workload, but still find it hard to say no to new tasks, your performance will eventually falter. You can't perform at your best when you're at your limits all the time. So, instead of trying to keep up with deadlines and present a façade of calm, combat your self-judgment and dare to face reality.

When you're feeling particularly anxious, step back and take time to regain control. Think about what factors are causing you to feel overwhelmed and focus on the parts you can control. Can you negotiate a deadline, or delegate some of your tasks to other team members?

By doing less, you can sometimes achieve more.

What Happens If You Have a Fake-Aholic Team Member?

There are many initiatives you can take to help a person cope with, and even overcome, fake-aholism. Here are a few to consider:

Help Them to Feel Safe

Compassion and understanding go a long way when a team member opens up to you, so make sure to listen mindfully and respectfully to what they have to say.

Then help them to understand that their fears are not unique, and that everyone struggles at one point or other in their lives. Consider sharing a personal story of your own that reinforces your point.

Look out for (Well-Meant) Dishonesty

Even if your employee has admitted to fake-aholic behaviors, they will likely continue to find it hard to be honest with themselves or you. But remember that this is likely through fear and shame, not malice.

Pay attention to their language and zero in on any unrealistically optimistic promises. Discuss their To-Do Lists and read between the lines. Observe their working patterns: what hours are they keeping, and are they sustainable?

Flag your concerns without blame or judgment. Instead, act as their defense lawyer. This is a kind and generous gift you can easily give.

Encourage the Heart

Show them that you have confidence in them, and that you are happy to have them on your team. Go over a portfolio of their achievements and contributions, and emphasize the value that they add to your organization.

Remember, we all have in us a metaphorical bucket that needs to be filled with affirmations. Helping a fake-aholic to appreciate themselves is one situation where genuine praise can go a long way.

Take a Load off Their Plate

Make sure that they don't have too much to do in too little time. Ask them what extra resources they need to help them to carry out their responsibilities.

Discuss reassigning one or two of their projects to another team member to ease their workload. But be ready for a denial that help is needed, and reassure them that there is no implied failure in such an intervention.

If you are a fake-aholic...

Take comfort in the knowledge that, while it may not be easy, overcoming fake-aholism is doable. You don't need to feel helpless. Acknowledge your situation and seek support. Most of all, focus on all the things that you get right and practice self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is a gift we give to ourselves. It's the gift of self-trust.

Bruna Martinuzzi is an experienced coach, presenter and trainer living in Canada. She's the author of "The Leader as Mensch," excerpts of which are available to read in the Mind Tools toolkit. She's also the author of several Mind Tools blogs.

The post Are You a Fake-Aholic? appeared first on Mind Tools.

Crossed arms or "closed body language" suggest that we're feeling defensive and aren't really receptive to the person we're "listening" to. Fidgeting suggests that we're bored. And poor eye contact or blushing can suggest that we're lying (surely not!?).

Body Language: Speak up With a Power Pose

One major development in the field of body language that hit the headlines is the "power pose." This is a theory put forward in 2011 by U.S. social psychologists Amy Cuddy, Dana Carney and Andy Yap. They proposed that "... when you pretend to be powerful, you are more likely to actually feel powerful."

An idea, among many others, taken forward by Cuddy in her inspirational, best-selling 2015 book, "Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges."

What the original trio suggested was that the simple act of holding a powerful pose can have powerful impact. For instance, sitting with your legs up on the desk and arms held expansively behind your head can raise your testosterone and lower your cortisol levels. Testosterone is the hormone that affects dominance; cortisol is the stress hormone.

The study assessed participants' hormone levels before and after they held high-power (open limbs, expansive positions) and low-power (closed limbs, contracted positions) poses. It found that their initial hypothesis was true. We can indeed "fake it till we make it."

Just as a male gorilla beats his chest to assert his hierarchical dominance, humans can use open and expansive body language to enhance their confidence, increase feelings of power, and lower their stress levels.

These findings build on several psychological studies suggesting that some aspects of body language can change your emotional state. For instance, someone nodding "yes" to you can make you easier to persuade, and, when you smile, you can feel more positive.

Power Poses in the Workplace

So, how can powerful poses help us in the workplace? Or, indeed, in our everyday lives?

Well, the study proposes that, simply by striking a power pose, you can better prepare yourself for difficult or stressful situations. Perhaps you've got a presentation that you're nervous about making, or a job interview coming up.

Holding a power pose, even in private, can help you to approach these events in a confident and less-stressed way. In contrast, a weak pose that uses closed body language (hunched shoulders, folded arms, etc) can make you perform poorly.

Our Body Language Can Impact Our Wellbeing

The study also suggests that persistently practicing these power poses can, over time, improve our health and wellbeing. And it can be particularly useful for people who feel consistently powerless and overlooked, or who have low self-confidence.

Cuddy and her team point to several other studies that have shown how chronically high cortisol levels can lead to stress-related health issues; for instance, impaired immune functioning, hypertension, or memory loss. In contrast, low cortisol and high testosterone levels (both of which improve when we strike a power pose) can make us more resistant to disease and more able to lead effectively!

However, since it was published, a number of academics have questioned Cuddy, Carney and Yapp's findings. In particular, a study led by statistician Eva Ranehill, published in 2015, aimed to replicate the 2011 experiment using a larger group of participants. It revealed that there was little evidence to suggest that power poses could help to improve feelings of power.

But that's not to suggest that it can't be a real phenomenon. Just that it will likely work better for some people than it does for others.

Presence Can Take Care of the Future

Ultimately, Cuddy's findings have proved enormously popular since they were first published. In fact, her TED Talk on the subject continues to be one of the most popular of all time, and has more than 64 million views!

In her book "Presence," Cuddy says that, fundamentally, developing presence is about believing in yourself. You'll then focus less on how others see you, and more on how you see yourself. When you're true to yourself, you're less dependent on others' approval.

Power poses are part of that picture. When we feel powerful, we often raise our hands or make ourselves look bigger, like the All Blacks during a haka. This conveys that we feel comfortable with ourselves. And that we believe we deserve to take up space.

Will You Be Striking a Pose?

As someone who openly admits to struggling with nerves, and who persistently shies away from public speaking of any kind, I'm definitely open to giving power posing a whirl the next time such a stressful situation crops up.

It can't hurt, and could very likely help. And if it doesn't, there's at least a laugh to be had over my cheesy superwoman impression!

Download Our "Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges" Book Insight

Mind Tools reviews the best new business and self-development books, alongside the tested classics, in our monthly Book Insight for the Mind Tools Club.

So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges" Book Insight in text or audio format.

Do you think we can change the way we feel and act just by changing our body language? The next time you're faced with a stressful situation, will you strike a power pose? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below!

The post Can Your Body Language Make You More Powerful? appeared first on Mind Tools.

The much-loved cat of a friend of hers died suddenly and the friend was devastated. She turned to Emilie for support – a lot of it – which took the form of phone calls and text messages, several times a day.

It was unfortunate that Emilie was not exactly a cat person. Plus, she didn't think of herself as particularly close to the bereaved woman. So after a few days, she texted back: "It's really sad that your cat died, but you need to find someone else to support you through this now. I'm not that person for you."

Ouch!

The Need for Boundaries

This is the kind of direct communication most of us avoid. But author and therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab believes that setting boundaries like this, with friends, partners, co-workers and bosses, can lead to healthier, more honest connections – and, importantly, greater peace of mind.

She shares how to do it in her bestselling book, "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself."

"I'm Sorry!"

It was bold of my friend Emilie to draw that line. I'm not sure I'd have been able to do it – at least, not without a lot of apologizing, which is not helpful when setting boundaries, Glover Tawwab says.

"I often wonder, what are you apologizing for?" she muses. "Are you apologizing for having needs? Are you apologizing for being honest? Are you apologizing for asking for safety in your relationship? What are you apologizing for?"

She recognizes that we often reach for "sorry" to make ourselves and the other person feel more comfortable. But it doesn't help the situation.

"If you set a really hard boundary and someone is upset, saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't take away their pain – and you still want your boundary," she points out.

With or without an apology, the idea of verbalizing a boundary request makes most of us squirm. Won't the other person get mad, or upset? And what about the guilt that we'll feel by imposing our will like that?

Overcoming Boundary Guilt

"Yes, guilt is a part of the process," Glover Tawwab admits. "With boundaries, it tends to be [because] we think we're doing something bad, and a lot of it has to do with our programming.

"Our program is saying, 'I cannot set this boundary with my mother, I cannot set this boundary with my partner, I cannot set this boundary with my boss.' And so once we set the boundary, we feel terrible because our programming is: 'I cannot set a boundary.'"

Glover Tawwab is a sought-after therapist and relationship expert, so I ask her what she tells people who suffer from boundary-related guilt.

"Deal with the guilt," she replies succinctly, adding: "There's no way to prevent it, in some cases. There is no way to really ignore it."

And switching the focus to yourself can work wonders.

Balancing Boundaries and Relationships

"When you feel guilty you have to reassure yourself," she says. "You have to be conscious of making healthy choices and not trying to harm people. So when you feel guilt, it's not about, 'How do I get rid of it?' It's, 'How do I live with it?' Because the guilt is from your programming."

In short, we need to change how we view our behavior, from: "I'm doing a bad thing," to: "I'm doing something that is healthy for me."

Will we lose friends along the way? We might. But maybe not as many as we fear.

"I've certainly set some boundaries where people have ended the relationship with me because they didn't want to respect my boundary, and I have to deal with the fallout from that," Glover Tawwab says.

"But in most cases, the boundaries I've set have been honored. That is the typical response to boundaries – that people want to be in the relationship with you and they want to figure out how to make it work. So they're willing to honor your boundary."

Emilie is still friends with her cat-loving friend. In fact, they're closer than ever. The relationship feels more honest now, she says. And they never talk about pets.

Listen to My Interview With Nedra Glover Tawwab

Discover fascinating insights from some of the world's leading business figures with my series of Mind Tools Expert Interviews.

If you're not a Mind Tools Club member, you can join by clicking here, and access over 2,400 resources, including more than 200 Expert Interviews. For corporate licensing, request a demo from one of our team.

The post Set Healthy Boundaries: My Expert Interview with Nedra Glover Tawwab appeared first on Mind Tools.