wellbeing Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tag/wellbeing/ Mind Tools Mon, 10 Jul 2023 10:41:52 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 Grief: Finding a Way Through https://www.mindtools.com/blog/grief-finding-a-way-through/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/grief-finding-a-way-through/#respond Wed, 05 Jul 2023 11:00:56 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37885 "You don’t have to have the answers, you don’t have to “fix” anything, that person may not want your opinion. It’s much better to regularly check-in, take time to be present and empathically listen without judgment." - Kate Peters

The post Grief: Finding a Way Through appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Grief is a universal emotion. It's something we all feel, no matter where we come from or what we've been through. Grief comes for us all. And, as humans who love and form emotional bonds with other people, it's hard to avoid.

People of all cultures grieve; we all feel sorrow, loss and despair. We just show it in different ways. When it comes to grieving, for some cultures the focus is often placed on the individual. This can make it an extremely isolating and lonely experience.

However, in other cultures collective grief is common. Families, friends and communities lean in to support each other and grieve together. Here, death is not to be feared and is not a taboo topic.

Our understanding of the nature of grief and bereavement has undergone a transformational change. Previously received wisdom regarded grief as linear. It defined bereavement as working through emotions, with the goal being to move on and live without the person who died.

A Pathway Through Grief

Today the focus is on understanding the benefits to bereaved people of integrating the memory of their loved one into their lives.

There is more recognition that death ends a life, not necessarily a relationship, and that this process can be healthy and is not a denial of the death.

More recent theories also consider the cognitive, social, cultural, and spiritual dimensions of grief and loss. As a society, it's important to recognize that it's valuable for bereaved people to talk and to think about the person who has died. Better than encouraging them to "get over" their bereavement.

Experts no longer talk about "moving on," but instead see grief as a way of adapting to loss while forming a continuing bond with the lost loved one.

Growing Around Grief

Tonkin's (1996) theory of "growing around grief" suggests grief remains the same size, but the person's life grows around it. As a bereavement counselor, this model has proved very helpful with people I've supported. Mainly due to the removal of the expectation that there needs to be "closure." A lot of people are, understandably, fearful of this.

It's important to note that although clinical research has expanded our understanding of the distinctive symptoms, risk factors, and psychological processes (which have contributed to more appropriate support for bereaved people), there is no justifiable "one size fits all” model or approach to grief.

Stay up to date, subscribe to our newsletter

A feeling of loneliness is something that is reported by nearly all of the clients I have worked with. They may have family and friends around them, but they are alone with their thoughts and their grief.

People shy away from checking in, not knowing what to say. Or they offer support initially and then distance themselves, leaving people alone with their grief. It can be an additional loss, where the people that you least expect become strangers.

Listen, Don't Judge

"Is what I'm feeling normal?" is a question I get asked a lot, and the answer is "Yes." The physical and emotional symptoms of grief can be frightening and overwhelming. They can be so heightened that people are convinced that they have a serious cognitive or medical issue.

I've found that normalizing the responses people have, and giving reassurance that grief can manifest itself in many ways, can help to alleviate this additional concern that is weighing heavily on top of people's grief.

"To share something that is very personal with another individual and it is not received and understood is a very deflating and lonely experience. I know that when I try to share some feeling aspect of myself, which is private, precious and tentative, and this communication is met by evaluation (judgment), reassurance and distortion of my meaning, my very strong reaction is 'Oh, what's the use!' At such a time, one knows what it is to be alone."

A Way of Being, Carl Rogers (1980)

This is a quote often used in bereavement support training, as it helps people to understand the importance of respect, empathy and validation when supporting someone.

You don't have to have the answers, you don't have to "fix" anything, that person may not want your opinion. "Toxic positivity" is also unhelpful. It's much better to regularly check in, take time to be present and empathically listen without judgment.

7 Tips for Truly Supporting the Bereaved

I've learned something in every single encounter during my years as a counselor supporting grieving people through their bereavement. Here's a brief summary of the things I've found most helpful during that time. Hopefully, they'll help you too when the time comes:

  • Respect, empathy and genuineness are the core conditions of helping (Carl Rogers).
  • It's better to say something than nothing.
  • "How are you?"... ask twice, so that people know you are being genuine. Continue to ask. There is no time limit on this.
  • If you think the individual is feeling overwhelmed or bombarded with questions like, "How are you feeling?" consider sending a note or a card. Or see if there is any way that you can support them practically, e.g., with their workload.
  • Each bereavement is unique and so each person's grieving is unique.
  • Grieving is not an entirely private process; it has social and relational aspects which need the engagement of others.
  • There's no one size fits all for support. Some people will research and read books, support groups can be a comfort for some, and others may prefer individual counseling.

FURTHER READING

Mind Tools Chief Executive John Yates lost his daughter, 18, while she was on her gap year holiday in Asia. You can read this moving account of his daughter, the grief and the aftermath by downloading the story below.

You may also find the following articles helpful for reflecting on grief. You'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full:

Working Through Grief

Coping With Grief and Loss in A Virtual Team

How to Manage a Grieving Team Member


Blog author, Kate Peters

About the Author:

Kate Peters is a Mental Health and Wellbeing Consultant, Mental Health First Aid Trainer and Inclusion and Accessibility Lead at PeopleUnboxed.

The post Grief: Finding a Way Through appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/grief-finding-a-way-through/feed/ 0
Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus https://www.mindtools.com/blog/time-to-focus-on-our-dangerous-lack-of-focus/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/time-to-focus-on-our-dangerous-lack-of-focus/#respond Thu, 15 Jun 2023 11:53:50 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37691 "Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it!

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
As I sat down to start writing this blog, a notification popped up on my desktop messaging app. "Better take a look," I thought. "Could be urgent." It wasn't. So where was I... ?

That's it, what to say about... Oh wait up, what's this? An email alert from the boss. Can't ignore that. And my phone just pinged me. And before you know it, an hour's gone by and this blog is going nowhere.

It's a problem we've likely all faced. It's difficult to give your attention to just one thing over the course of a working day. When did you last manage it? So many other nudges, notifications and essential updates jostle for your attention.

And that's just the work stuff. Add all the funny noises my phone makes, and a bad day can be a constant battle to concentrate on anything.

A Crisis of Focus

This is a relatively recent phenomenon. But it's getting worse. How much worse? Well, as Johann Hari is keen to explain in his book "Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention," the forces determined to attract and keep our attention are everywhere, and they're enormously powerful.

And we aren't doing enough to help ourselves. Sound like something from the "Matrix" movie franchise? It's not. "Stolen Focus" isn't a bunch of conspiracy theories. It’s based on many interviews with leading experts in everything from Big Tech to sleep deprivation.

And the picture they paint is a disturbing one.

The Battle for Attention

First, they really are out to get us. There are whole industries dedicated to grabbing our attention. They offer what we think of as rewards – bonus points, membership privileges, that sort of thing – and in return we give them our data.

Then they use that data to build complex profiles of us so that they can put adverts before us for things they know we want.

If that sounds sinister, consider what else behavioral scientists and data analysts can use that data for. They can predict not just what we might want to buy, but what we think about bigger issues. Even how we might vote. If they can predict something, they will likely try to influence it.

Sure, we can switch off our devices. We can lock them away. If we're lucky, we can escape to remote locations – as Hari does. But we're still susceptible. We're still experiencing something close to addiction.

How We Steal Our Own Focus

Second, we harm our own attention from the moment we get up. All too often we grab high-fat, high-sugar snacks rather than proper food. We expose ourselves to brain-damaging pollution daily.

When we do finally put aside the screens to go to bed, we can't sleep properly. So our brains are exhausted, and our ability to focus takes another knock.

Many of us also live in cultures that value the quick fix. So doctors prescribe vast quantities of drugs to treat ADHD, depression and sleeplessness, while leaving the root causes untouched.

In some cases, these causes are to do with innate psychological problems and brain chemistry. But for many people, maybe most, it's the environment in which they live that's the problem.

Stay up to date, subscribe to our newsletter

The Will to Change – and Why We Often Can't

There's another insidious factor at work, and again it's cultural. Hari calls it "cruel optimism." We all want to believe that we can change. That belief should be empowering.

But it's double-edged. If we fail to give up junk food, Twitter, or playing video games until 3 a.m., it's on us. Our willpower's the problem. Never mind that billions of dollars are spent every year trying to overcome that willpower.

Reclaiming Our Attention

It's a grim picture. So are there any positives? Well, we can take steps to change the way we behave as individuals, cruel optimism or not. Hari outlines them. And we can learn lessons from some societies that have taken steps to address this constant erosion of attention.

But Hari's main targets throughout are larger scale. They're industrial complexes and dysfunctional societies. And they will only change how they behave through collective action. Whether it's because customers or activists demand it, or governments enforce it, it'll still be a long-term battle.

"Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it. Because the consequences of whole societies being in a state of distraction are dire. They certainly go beyond whether this blog gets finished or not.

So I'll definitely be turning off the laptop earlier, and spending more time with a good book. As soon as I've checked Twitter, obviously.

Listen to Our "Stolen Focus" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Stolen Focus" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.


Blog author, Simon Bell.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/time-to-focus-on-our-dangerous-lack-of-focus/feed/ 0
How to Master Life Transitions  https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-to-master-life-transitions/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-to-master-life-transitions/#respond Wed, 05 Apr 2023 11:15:59 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37264 Bruna Martinuzzi reflects on how a car accident changed her life. But huge lie changes are not anomalies – in fact, we all go through a "life transition" almost once a year.

The post How to Master Life Transitions  appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
I was involved in a major car crash many years ago while on a business trip to Greece. The accident made me rethink my career and what gave my life meaning: I quit my job, moved from Europe to Canada, and changed careers. 

The accident was a disruption that led to a major life transition. Bruce Feiler, best-selling author of "Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age," says that, on average, everyone goes through a life transition every 12 to 18 months.

Common life transitions include:

  • being laid off or fired.
  • having a serious accident.
  • experiencing a health crisis. 
  • working for a company that is being acquired. 
  • getting a new job
  • being promoted. 
  • changing careers.
  • moving to a different city. 
  • getting married. 
  • having a baby.
  • going through a relationship breakup or divorce. 
  • returning to school.
  • losing a loved one.
  • retiring.

Any of those sound familiar?

Experiencing a “Lifequake”

We get through most life transitions relatively quickly, but one in ten become what Feiler calls a "lifequake." He defines a lifequake as a massive change with stressful aftershocks that can last several years if we don't learn to master them.

After interviewing hundreds of people about their life transitions, Feiler found that, on average, we go through three to five lifequakes in our lifetime.

These life-changing events frequently involve a difficult loss, such as losing a source of income, access to childcare, or a loved one, to name a few. And in the aftermath of the pandemic, the entire world is going through a collective lifequake.

3 Ways to Master Life Transitions

Learning to deal with these disruptive life events is more critical than ever. If you are going through a life transition, here are three ways to help you navigate it.

1. Accepting that the "Linear Life" Is Over

Feiler's findings show that the idea of a neat, linear life path no longer holds true. A linear life is based on misguided expectations.

For example, we expect our careers will progress from a junior job to a mid-level job to a senior-level position to retirement. Some other misconceptions include believing that we will have one relationship, one home, and one source of happiness throughout our lives, from adolescence to old age.

Instead, we lead non-linear lives, which means we go through many life transitions, full of twists and turns and ups and downs. Transitions may seem like abnormal interruptions, but they are a regular and predictable part of life.  

Anticipating change helps us accept the end of predictability and prepares us to deal with whatever changes life brings. Being mentally prepared for change eliminates the element of surprise and allows us to move with greater ease from resistance to acceptance.

How Can You Prepare Yourself for a Non-Linear Life?

Let's take a current example. 

One of the latest work trends has been dubbed "career cushioning" (also known as "recession proofing"). The term describes the act of employees exploring other job options while still in their current role.

Whether or not you're concerned about a layoff, it pays to prepare for this potential disruption to your career. Some actions you could take now include: 

2. Becoming Adept at Navigating the Three Phases of Life Transitions 

A big takeaway from Feiler's research is that all significant life transitions have a distinct structure. And it isn't always obvious to someone just entering a transition. 

According to Feiler, major life transitions have three phases:

  1. The Long Goodbye: the period it takes to fully accept the change and say goodbye to the old you.  
  2. The Messy Middle: the period when you start to evaluate new options. That’s when you replace old habits that no longer serve you with new ones that help you to move forward. 
  3. The New Beginning: the period when you embark on a new path in your life. 

Being stuck in "the long goodbye" or "the messy middle" phases prevents us from moving on to the next chapter in our lives.

How Do You Leave the Past Behind?

Here's a quick example. A coaching client of mine – I'll call him Fred – was laid off from his job as a marketing manager. By the time Fred came to see me, he had already spent six months stuck in the long goodbye phase. He wasted a lot of time mourning his old life and what he had lost.

I asked him to note his weekly actions that are still connected to his old job. The list turned out to be an eye-opener for him. 

His activities included:  

  • checking the social media accounts of the company that laid him off. 
  • scouring the LinkedIn accounts of his ex-peers to see who else was laid off. 
  • emailing his ex-direct reports under several pretexts. 
  • regularly checking the company website to see if there were new hires on the marketing team.  
  • asking several ex-colleagues to go to lunch with him and using the event as an opportunity to vent.

We agreed that he had to stop doing anything related to his former employment, no matter how small. All activities connected with his old job set him back emotionally, reinforced his resentment, and distracted him from moving on. He finally cut the corporate umbilical cord and moved on to the next phase of his life transition.

3. Managing Your Emotions 

Feiler writes that fear, sadness and shame are the top three emotions we most likely feel during a transition.  

I have found over the years that shame is a strong emotion that few people want to discuss. Consequently, the feeling of shame can intensify, linger and prolong recovery from a difficult life transition. 

Consider the example of my coaching client, Melissa (not her real name.) Melissa found it difficult to cope with being fired from her job. After several coaching sessions, she admitted to feelings of shame. "I am ashamed," she said to me, barely holding back tears. "People will think that I didn't do a good job."  

I worked with her to uncover evidence that warranted her feelings of shame. Here are some of the questions we went through: 

  • Are your feelings of shame justifiable?
  • What scripts are you carrying in your head?
  • What hard evidence do you have to validate the thought that "people will think I didn't do a good job?"
  • What is the evidence against this thought?

In the end, there was no evidence to justify her feelings of shame because her concerns were objectively baseless. Given her high level of competence, she concluded that anyone who worked closely with her would know the caliber of her work.

This exploration was a turning point in helping her to process her feelings of shame and to move on.  

How Can You Overcome Feelings of Shame? 

To get over feelings of shame, it pays to consider these pointers:  

  • Pay attention to the harm that feelings of shame may cause you. Research shows that low self-esteem and depression can arise from shame. For Melissa, staying stuck in a loop of unproductive thoughts about her dismissal exacerbated the situation and made her unhappy and lethargic. For example, she often canceled her exercise class and watched TV instead.
  • Catch yourself when thoughts of shame start to creep in. Ask yourself: am I allowing my emotions to hijack my logical brain?
  • Reframe your thoughts around the situation, so that they are either realistic or at least neutral. 
  • Share your feelings with trusted others. Melissa found an accountability partner – a trusted friend – with whom she spoke once weekly. Together, they sought ways to quiet her ruminations and focus instead on the future. 

Taking Control of Life Transitions

Ultimately, we can manage our inevitable life transitions and not let them negatively influence us in the long term. We can interpret whatever we lost as devastating and allow anger, sadness, fear, and resentment to consume us. Or we can use the loss as an opportunity to gain insight and wisdom, to keep moving on, and to write the next chapter in our life.

That's what I did after my accident.


BrunaMartinuzzi

About the Author:

Bruna is an educator, author and speaker specializing in emotional intelligence, leadership, communication, and presentation-skills training.

The post How to Master Life Transitions  appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-to-master-life-transitions/feed/ 0
Planning Your Pause: Holiday Highs and Lows – #MTtalk Roundup https://www.mindtools.com/blog/planning-your-pause-holiday-highs-and-lows-mttalk/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/planning-your-pause-holiday-highs-and-lows-mttalk/#respond Tue, 22 Nov 2022 14:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=36139 See the best responses from our latest Twitter Talk on holiday highs and lows - discussing the best and worst of the winter holiday season!

The post Planning Your Pause: Holiday Highs and Lows – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
During the last months of the year, we all look forward to a few days away from work to observe various holidays and spend time with loved ones. It's a time for travel, shopping, gift giving, social gatherings, and remembering the less fortunate.

But it takes creative coordination and compromise to ensure that when employees are away from the office for the holidays, the workload transitions seamlessly, and certain tasks are still accomplished while much of the workforce is away. Communication is essential – from building maintenance to the reception desk to the C-suite.

Pause for the Cause

A pause is a safe zone between "GO!" and "STOP!" – a temporary place, not a final destination. "Pressing pause" in our lives is a personal acknowledgment that we should slow down our usual pace to contemplate, evaluate, and rejuvenate our mind (and body).

Companies hold holiday receptions and parties to take a moment to recognize, celebrate and thank their employees for their service, commitment and time throughout the year. It gives everyone a chance to socialize away from their teams, and network with colleagues whom they rarely have time to see face-to-face. Some departments also have gift exchanges and potluck meals where everyone contributes food and beverages.

"Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well."

Louisa May Alcott

Creating Holiday Happiness

As the holiday season approaches, there are opportunities to create happy memories. Here are some of the typical highlights of the season – both at home and in the workplace.

Holiday highs at work:

  • Learning the positive outcomes of corporate outreach.
  • Supporting the annual corporate-giving drive.
  • Receiving company monetary bonuses, incentives and awards.

Holiday highs at home:

  • Connecting with loved ones.
  • Serving the less fortunate.
  • Getting to travel.
  • Enjoying seasonal foods and beverages.

Bracing for Inevitable Holiday Lows

Despite the positives, some of us dread the holiday season. The anticipation, the peer pressure, trying to keep up with others – all this can cause anxiety, stress and worry. Here are some typical lows of the season.

Holiday lows at work:

  • Pressure to reach sales goals or department targets.
  • Heavier workloads to cover absent team members.
  • the inability to delegate outstanding tasks.

Holiday lows at home:

  • Loneliness.
  • Remembering those who aren't with us.
  • Feeling obliged to spend time with family when we don’t want to.
  • Hosting pressure.
  • Overspending

Managing the Flow

When we identify the areas that bog us down, finding solutions and minimizing the inevitable lows of the holidays becomes easier.

For holidays at home, remember that "NO" is a complete sentence. Don't feel trapped by circumstance. If there are events you must attend, understand the space and plan your exit strategy.

If money is tight, create gift and event budgets – identify savings opportunities, be disciplined, and monitor spending. Remember, you don't always have to purchase gifts! You can create a memorable experience instead (plan an outing, family craft or game night; cook a family recipe; visit museums and monuments in your area that you take for granted, etc.).

And at work, a little planning goes a long way. Get ahead of the curve by scheduling in advance the work that needs completing over a holiday season, so that you can mitigate problems and add capacity where needed. And don't be afraid to delegate and allow others to help.

"Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us."

Maya Angelou

Planning Your Pause – Holiday Highs and Lows

During Friday’s #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed planning your pause and managing the inevitable holiday highs and lows. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. It's tradition to pause work during the holidays, but what do you do? Why?

@ColfaxInsurance I use my pause time to catch up on ME. Listen to music/podcasts/audiobooks I've been adding to the list – cook, clean, write, lounge, to give myself a reset, and still feel accomplished/not lazy.

@MikeB_MT There are old movies I watch, old songs I return to. And even though it might be chilly where I live, I try to spend more time outdoors. I also TRY to break from social media – at least from the daily grind of scrolling, posting, monitoring, etc.

Q2. Have you experienced an overly stressful pause? What happened?

@ZalaB_MT The most stress-induced holiday pause was when I worked FT in the corporations. There wasn't a month that we paused, it was always the go-go-go time, day or night. We often had to work late, and then go directly to home festivities. I'm grateful I'm OUT of that hell cycle.

@ColfaxInsurance Yes! On one of mine and my husband's first vacations together we got a call from the police back home informing us our pups had snuck away from our dog sitter and went for a jog around town. We were 8hrs away, and last Christmas day our cat went to the emergency room.

Q3. What are the advantages of a planned pause over a spontaneous one?

@SoniaH_MT Although things can still be missed, an advantage of a planned pause over a spontaneous one is the relief that you have reasonably covered all bases in your absence. A spontaneous pause doesn't always allow you to think as clearly or completely.

@EmaPirciu I actually think a spontaneous pause is better. The pressure to finish everything before a planned pause kills the vibe.

Q4. How can you use a "dead zone" workplace to your advantage?

@_GT_Coaching It could be an opportunity to meditate and re-energise.

@SarahH_MT I love to use 'dead zone' time to do a number of things: chill out a bit and enjoy some time off both on my own and with others; tidy my office, clear away papers and file electronic stuff; generally get organised; and reflect and plan for the next phase.

@MikeB_MT Make sure everyone in your work circle knows you're abiding by this "dead zone." Unplug. Write a thorough out-of-office message for your email. Resist the urge to even peek at work assignments. Honor everyone's quiet time.

Q5. How do you cope with the extra demands of a super-busy workplace?

@Midgie_MT One strategy is to prioritize all your work and recognize that you can only do so much in the time you have available. Sometimes making the tough call that some things will have to wait.

@ColfaxInsurance We have a standing to-do list that has all the priorities with their respective deadlines by them and we just work through one at a time and explain to clients/prospects that it may take a little longer to complete requests.

Q6. What has been your worst "holiday low" and what caused it?

@EmaPirciu I have a few bad memories. Overplanning and too high expectations were the disrupters most times.

@ZalaB_MT I think the biggest "holiday stressors" can be: expectations, lack of boundaries and self-care, lack of time, busyness, past negative experiences, not being in the right mood or mindset to celebrate or be part of the festivities, and loneliness.

Q7. What has been your best "holiday high" and what caused it?

@Midgie_MT I spent Christmas Eve with friends to enjoy some social time together. On the day, I did the traditional dip in the sea (and in Brighton U.K. it was cold!!) followed by an extra special meal that I cooked. No pressure and no stress!

@SarahH_MT Achieving everything in balance does it for me. If I can manage to switch off/chill out, spend quiet time at home, spend the right amount and quality of time with loved ones, reflect, prepare and plan for getting back to work – that's a high for me! No pressure then!

Q8. What hacks can you share about managing family dynamics during the holidays?

@SoniaH_MT One shareable hack about managing family dynamics during the holidays is regarding the dinner table. Be respectful and not vengeful when assigning seats. No need to start a food fight!

@EmaPirciu Let your kids lead the way 80 percent of the time during the holidays. For the remaining 20 percent, hire a babysitter.

Q9. How might you prevent yourself from overspending during the holidays?

@MikeB_MT Save $ throughout the year. Plan and stick to a budget that is within your holiday savings. Make gifts. And make sure you're also giving the gift of your time and presence during the season.

@SoniaH_MT To prevent yourself from overspending during the holidays, understand the difference between your required expenses and your 'desired' expenses.

Q10. What gifts can you give yourself and others that don't cost anything?

@_GT_Coaching The gift of being in their presence.

@Midgie_MT Time. Either time with yourself and a good book (with a nice hot cup of tea/cocoa) or quality time with a friend just going for a walk somewhere beautiful.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up

Taking a break gives the mind and body a chance to rejuvenate. With new ideas come new opportunities. Next time on #MTtalk we're going to chat about making a fresh start and managing new beginnings.

In our Twitter poll this week, we’d like to know how you're feeling about our recent big changes to the Mind Tools website.

Resources for planning Your Pause

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Getting Your Team Through the Holiday Season

Dealing With Seasonal Changes in Workload

10 Ways to Make a Bad Day Better

Rewarding Your Team

Ready for a Real Vacation?

The 12 Dangers of the Office Party

Gifts in the Workplace

When Work Involves Socializing

Returning From Vacation

Personal Financial Stress and Wellbeing

The post Planning Your Pause: Holiday Highs and Lows – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/planning-your-pause-holiday-highs-and-lows-mttalk/feed/ 0
Beating the Winter Blues: How to Manage Stress and SAD at Work https://www.mindtools.com/blog/winter-blues-stress-and-sad-at-work/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/winter-blues-stress-and-sad-at-work/#respond Wed, 09 Nov 2022 15:41:03 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=33307 The often griped-about "winter blues" may not sound like something to worry about, but as the days get colder and shorter, Seasonal Affective Disorder could be infiltrating your workplace without you knowing!

The post Beating the Winter Blues: How to Manage Stress and SAD at Work appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
The often griped-about "winter blues" may not sound like something to worry about, but as the days get colder and shorter, Seasonal Affective Disorder could be infiltrating your workplace without you knowing!

Winter depression can arise from seasonal changes in sunlight exposure and temperature. Combine this with the ongoing cost of living crisis, and it's never been more important for managers to recognize and combat stress within their teams.

Managing the Winter Blues

Low mood or depression can affect anyone, so it's vital that managers take support themselves, as well as supporting their team members. With the added pressures of protecting their team's wellbeing, managers can often overlook their own mental health and even harbor feelings of guilt when taking time off to look after themselves.

To mark International Stress Awareness Week, we're taking a closer look at how winter can affect team wellbeing, and what managers can do to manage workplace stress in the colder months.

SAD in the Workplace

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), sometimes called "the winter blues" or "winter depression," affects sufferers in a particular seasonal pattern. Usually, though not always, the symptoms will be most severe from September to April and will drop off during the spring and summer.

Though it's not unusual to occasionally feel down or unmotivated as the weather takes a turn for the worse, SAD is a serious mental condition with symptoms that can be adjacent to clinical depression.

Some of the common signs of SAD that you should be aware of include:

  • Frequent, sometimes poorly-explained absences in the winter.
  • Difficulty concentrating in meetings or on projects.
  • A general lack of energy in work and conversations.
  • Sudden changes in diet (for example, comfort eating).
  • A palpably bad mood that seems to have come on with the winter.

Other Factors That Lead to Stress in the Winter

While seasonal affective disorder can be a major cause of stress in and of itself, it's important that managers stay conscious of other, more pervasive sources of stress that can manifest in the workplace.

This International Stress Awareness Week, one of the most talked-about sources of stress has been the ongoing cost of living crisis. And with temperatures dropping as energy prices continue to soar, it's no wonder so many people are on edge.

In fact, surveys from June of this year reported by The Guardian showed that "77 percent of people over the age of 16 [in the UK] reported feeling 'very or somewhat worried about the rising cost of living'." Further reports showed that "67 percent of Americans express great concern about the cost of living increasing."

Another cause of stress in the winter is the run-up to the holidays. The pressure of organizing family celebrations, travel arrangements, and the sheer financial strain of having to afford it all, can prove too much for many people.

For those already prone to suffering from seasonal affective disorder, these added sources of stress can make the season even more difficult. Managers should be mindful of these issues in order to give their team members the support they need throughout the winter.

Beating SAD and Winter Blues in Your Team

If you’re worried about how SAD and other winter-related stressors could be affecting your team, here are a few of our favorite tips for supporting your staff through the colder months.

Give Them Opportunities to Soak Up the Sun

Though SAD still isn’t very well understood, many medical experts believe that its causes are rooted in the fact that people don't get as much exposure to sunlight during the winter. 

As the days get shorter, it's important to create time in the day for your staff to step outside and enjoy some much-needed sunshine. For example, block out meeting-free zones in everyone's calendars to ensure that they can step away from their desks and take a break.

If busy schedules make this unfeasible, then your team may benefit from flexible working. With more autonomy over when and where they work, team members will not only be able to make the most of the limited winter daylight, but according to a 2021 study by Gartner, it could also make them more productive at work. 

Educate Yourself and Your Staff

Unfortunately, it's common for mental health issues to fly under the radar. That's why education is one of the best ways to combat wintertime stress.

Don't worry: no one's expecting you to re-train as a psychiatrist. But take the time to learn about stress in the workplace, its causes, and how management can help to mitigate it. This way you can keep on top of problems as they arise, making your workplace a less stressful place for everyone.

Encouraging your staff to do the same can also help them to look for the warning signs in themselves and others, and feel more comfortable talking to you about the problems they're facing.

Improve Employees’ Working Environment

Not everyone is comfortable talking about the winter blues, or even any aspect of their mental wellbeing at work. But that shouldn't stop you from taking active steps to combat seasonal blues.

If your team's working environment is dark, cramped or cluttered, then it could be exacerbating SAD symptoms without you even realizing! Consider how you can make your workspace a more pleasant place to be. Simple steps like rearranging furniture, clearing out built-up clutter, and removing partitions, can go a long way to improving everyone's mood at work.

If you’re sure that SAD is a problem in your team, there are even daylight-simulating SAD lights now sold by many major retailers. We spoke to Charlie Swift, Managing Editor at Mind Tools, about his own experience of winter lethargy: "I find getting up in the dark difficult and the blinding glare of putting on the light distressing (no overstatement). So I use a sunrise lamp that gradually comes on while I'm asleep. It peaks with my alarm and stays on for another 10 mins. Somehow, I'm already adjusted to it by the time I wake up and it's not a brutal jolt. And I feel ready to get up rather than desperate to bury myself back under the duvet."

Just like ergonomic chairs and new monitors, these pieces of equipment can have a real, positive impact on people's mood and productivity through the winter.

Final Thoughts

Stress at work can often go undetected, but with a proactive approach, managers can spot the early signs of winter blues and learn how to tackle stress in their teams. 

During this year’s International Stress Awareness Week, we hope this guide to seasonal stress has helped you as you work to lead a happier, healthier, and more productive team!


About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post Beating the Winter Blues: How to Manage Stress and SAD at Work appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/winter-blues-stress-and-sad-at-work/feed/ 0
Financial Well-being: Balancing Money and Mental Health https://www.mindtools.com/blog/financial-wellbeing-balancing-money-mental-health/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/financial-wellbeing-balancing-money-mental-health/#respond Thu, 30 Jun 2022 10:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=31990 As prices surge, people across the globe are suffering with the emotional strain of financial insecurity, forcing many to make difficult decisions about their money

The post Financial Well-being: Balancing Money and Mental Health appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Global supplies plummet, inflation skyrockets!

Lately, the news has left me feeling a little strung out, to say the least. Just as I wrap my head around one life-altering event, my phone chirps sadistically to tell me that doomsday is nigh… again.

The Cost of Living

The latest threat to life as we know it? The cost of living crisis. As prices surge, people across the globe are suffering from the emotional strain of financial insecurity, forcing many to make difficult decisions about their money.

While for some of us this means cutting down on trips in the car and scrimping on our weekly food bills, others have had to make untenable decisions about whether to spend their last few dollars on a meal or on heating their home. In fact, studies show that the cost of living has caused over two million people in the UK to skip meals for a day.

What Is Financial Well-being?

The cost of living crisis undeniably affects some more than others. But no matter your income, money can be a source of tremendous stress, anger and guilt. When times are tight, it's easy to think that the answer is… well, more money. But even people with high salaries can struggle to make it through to the next payday. One thing that could help is to address our relationship with money and, by doing so, improve our financial well-being.

According to the Financial Health Institute, financial well-being is "the dynamic relationship of one's financial and economic resources as they are applied to or impact the state of physical, mental and social well-being."

In short, your overall health is dependent on finding a careful balance between your emotional, physical and financial well-being. For example, spending every penny you have with little or no safety net will likely end up causing you high anxiety. On the other hand, excessive scrimping can prevent you from truly enjoying your life.

Making a Choice

At the start of 2022, my rent went up. It wasn't excessive but that extra money leaving my bank account each month was a wake-up call.

I loved my little one-bedroom apartment but, as friends moved away, I felt increasingly isolated in the seaside town I'd called home for two and a half years. During this time, I'd also been slowly saving to buy a house. But as the cost of living crisis hit and my outgoings increased, that goal felt like an increasingly distant dream.

A choice had to be made: say goodbye to my freedom and move back to my parents to save for a house, or spend more money and live closer to friends and civilization.

It wasn't until I took a hard look, not just at my finances, but at all parts of my life, that I realized how unhappy I’d become with my hermit lifestyle. So, I bit the bullet and signed the contract on a much more expensive (albeit much bigger) apartment in Brighton. My dream house would have to wait.

Perhaps this wasn't the most sensible financial decision. Perhaps Martin Lewis is cursing my name right now for frittering away my money on a property I don't own. But after two weeks in my new home, I know this was the right decision. Not only has my emotional well-being improved, but moving to a city also meant I was able to get rid of my car (a significant source of stress for me over the years) and save just as much money as before.

Improving Your Financial Well-being

Achieving financial well-being can be tricky, and it won't look the same for everyone. So, take an honest look at your money and ask yourself these questions:

"What are my priorities?"

Whether it's going on regular trips abroad, living alone, or retiring early, consider what matters most and brings you joy. Once you've established your priorities, you can weed out any expenses that might be getting in the way.

"What are my personal and financial goals?"

Many people don't have the luxury of saving money. But if you can, think about what you'd like your life and finances to look like in six months, a year, five years, and so on. Planning for the future can help you to avoid spontaneous spending that only brings short-lived satisfaction and that you may well regret later down the line.

"How can I achieve these goals on my budget?"

Chances are, reaching your financial goals will take some compromise. Perhaps you'll need to adjust your timeline, or cut down your costs. Start small, and remember to be realistic with your budget – being too strict with yourself could cause "future you" to burnout or even spend more out of rebellion!

"Am I happy?"

Most importantly, remember that your current happiness is just as important as your future. Does your lifestyle and spending allow you to enjoy your life? Or is money-related guilt weighing you down?

Many people struggle to take control of their finances out of shame or fear of being judged. But author of "Real Life Money" and financial coach Clare Seal believes that shame has no place in a healthy relationship with money, "...we are all so much more than what we earn, what we own and what we owe."

How do you balance your financial and emotional well-being? Share your stories and ideas in the comments section, below.

The post Financial Well-being: Balancing Money and Mental Health appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/financial-wellbeing-balancing-money-mental-health/feed/ 0
How Men Can Manage Negative Emotions in a Healthy Way https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-men-can-manage-negative-emotions-healthy-way/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-men-can-manage-negative-emotions-healthy-way/#respond Wed, 15 Jun 2022 11:01:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=31285 Society has long held stereotypical perceptions of how men handle their emotions. Men suffer from antiquated ideas of burying feelings, using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and even becoming physically abusive to avoid tackling the problem. Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find […]

The post How Men Can Manage Negative Emotions in a Healthy Way appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Society has long held stereotypical perceptions of how men handle their emotions. Men suffer from antiquated ideas of burying feelings, using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism, and even becoming physically abusive to avoid tackling the problem.

Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find an outlet without feeling overshadowed by judgment.

Men are just as prone to anxiety, depression and emotional difficulties as women. While it can be hard to be vulnerable, particularly if you’ve had a lifetime of experience shutting your feelings down, it's important to find ways to deal with your feelings in a healthier way.

The Dangers of Suppressed Emotions for Men

Suppressing your sadness and anxiety affects men in more ways than many people realize. In addition to being an underlying cause of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, suppressing emotions such as anger can impact your thinking and behavioral patterns, and disrupt relationships. It can also lead to physical problems such as:

  • Increasing the risk of blood pressure
  • Heart complications
  • Headaches
  • Migraines
  • Digestive problems

Keeping a lid on negative emotions can also increase the risk of addiction. Men suffer more from substance abuse and dependence than women do, but they "tend to enter treatment later in the course of addiction," observes wellness writer, Hannah Friedman. "This may be because there is greater stigma attached to the idea of seeking help among men than there is among women. That stigma is isolating and extremely harmful. As a result, men may feel it's better to suffer in silence than it is to get the help they need and deserve."

Talk It Out

From work commitments and family issues to money worries and health concerns, there are many reasons why you might be experiencing negative emotions. 

Talking to someone about what’s bothering you, whether it’s a family member, a friend you trust or a licensed therapist, can really help in offloading some of the weight that these worries can place on you.

In my own experience, talking therapies have helped people function better in everyday life and can provide you with the coping strategies to deal with negative emotions in a healthier way.

Give Yourself a New Focus

One of the less healthy ways that many men handle their emotions is through alcohol and drugs. But when you self-medicate to cope with challenges in your everyday life, it can become a crutch that you depend on whatever life throws at you. 

Finding a stress-relieving hobby or activity that gives you a new focus when things feel too much can be really helpful in helping men manage their emotions without relying on harmful substances. It might be taking up a new sport, going for a run, reading or playing music, or cooking. These are outlets you can turn to when your emotions feel heavy, that aren’t going to impact your health in a negative way.

Develop Benign Attention

Benign attention stems from mindfulness meditation, and there’s a growing body of research that suggests it can help with stress, anxiety and negative emotions such as anger.

This method encourages you to sit with your emotions, whatever they are, without judgment or shame and simply observe them. Over time, you develop the ability to recognize when you’re feeling something without it causing suffering. 

For men who struggle to know how to handle their feelings, this creates space between you and your emotions. You can observe them with a level of impartiality, which enables you to respond rather than react.

Learn From the Past

Identifying the ways that grief, loss, sadness or anger have made you feel in the past, and the events or situations that caused those emotions, can help you to prepare for the future. 

Journaling is a great way to spot these patterns. There’s no set way of journaling, so whether you choose to write short, snappy points, long personal entries or draw your thoughts, they’re all valid and can really help in breaking down the problem, so you can get to the root of the issue.

Final Thoughts

We all struggle with negative emotions from time to time, but for men there are societal expectations that can make tackling these thoughts harder. Identifying healthy ways to cope with stress and anger, anxiety or depression, will ensure that you don’t fall into the habit of relying on harmful practices like substance abuse, lashing out or physical altercations.


About the Author:

Chris is a passionate mental health and wellbeing writer and psychologist, focusing on sharing his experience and improving the lives of others. When Chris isn't researching the latest holistic and wellbeing therapies, he's spending time with his two cats, usually curled up on the sofa reading a book.

The post How Men Can Manage Negative Emotions in a Healthy Way appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-men-can-manage-negative-emotions-healthy-way/feed/ 0
Beating Loneliness With Fika: Sweden's Fix for Happier Workforces https://www.mindtools.com/blog/beating-loneliness-fika-swedens-fix-for-happier-workforces/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/beating-loneliness-fika-swedens-fix-for-happier-workforces/#comments Wed, 11 May 2022 10:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=31174 Loneliness is a companion that many of us have become all too familiar with over the past couple of years. But one country that seems to have banished workplace loneliness is Sweden, with a tasty tradition called fika

The post Beating Loneliness With Fika: Sweden's Fix for Happier Workforces appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Loneliness is a companion that many of us have become all too familiar with over the past couple of years.

Last year, a quarter of Americans reported feeling loneliness for much of their day. And now, while many offices have reopened in the wake of the pandemic, working from home is still the norm for most of us who are able to work remotely. This means we're missing out on valuable watercooler chats in the office, carpooling with old friends, and meeting new co-workers in person. Working from home certainly has its perks, but it sure can be lonely.

It's no surprise, then, that the theme for this year's Mental Health Awareness Week in the U.K. (coinciding with Mental Health Awareness Month in the U.S.) is loneliness.

Effects of Loneliness

Loneliness can have a hugely negative impact on our lives, at home and at work. It's one of the HALT Risk States, meaning it can undermine your performance and trigger self-sabotage.

Prolonged loneliness will take its toll on your mental health and can lead to depression, anxiety and increased stress. It can even harm your physical health, too. And it's a vicious cycle – feeling lonely can further isolate someone because of the stigma attached to it.

But one country that seems to have banished workplace loneliness is Sweden. How? With a tasty tradition called fika.

What Is Fika?

You've probably heard of "fika" before, as multiple café chains use it in their names.

Fika is defined as "a break from activity during which people drink coffee, eat cakes or other light snacks, and relax with others." (Oxford English Dictionary)

Introduced in the 1900s, fika is a deeply rooted tradition in Sweden. So much so that many Swedish firms now have mandatory fika breaks. It allows workers to slow down and socialize. Fika breaks usually take place at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. in the workplace, but Swedes also take them out of office hours. They consider it an important and beneficial part of their daily lives.

And the proof is in the pudding! Swedish workers are some of the least stressed and most productive in the world. Many believe that this is thanks to the country's fika tradition.

So how can we take inspiration from Sweden?

How to Deal With Loneliness

Here are some ways that fika can inspire us to combat loneliness, whether working remotely or in the office.

Coffee Buddies

When lockdown forced us to close the office and start working from home, I was anxious about the change. I'm a creature of habit and had grown fond of the office and, even more so, the office dogs. A few weeks will be fine, I thought. But once it became clear that the Coronavirus wasn't going to "blow over in a couple weeks," and that working from home would be the new normal, I worried for my working relationships and feared missing out on news from other teams. Like everyone else, I soon started to miss my friends and co-workers (and the office dogs, of course!) and loneliness became my housemate.

My employer responded well to the pandemic, and set up a "coffee buddies" program. Each fortnight, I would be paired with someone else from the company and we would be prompted to set up a virtual meeting to have a chat and get to know one another. There was no time limit, so we could go at our own pace and enjoy the virtual company. I loved meeting colleagues new and old, and it certainly made me feel less lonely in lockdown.

Create a Culture of Connecting

There are lots of other initiatives that workplaces can instill to build a connected company culture and keep employee loneliness at bay. For example, why not start a chess tournament or book club?

These can easily be set up online or in the office, and allow you and your co-workers to learn a new skill, or spend time doing what you love. And it helps the business – employees who play hard, work hard.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness

It has been found time and time again that being kind makes us happier.

So, if you suspect someone might be suffering from loneliness, invite them to a fika break! A quick check-in that they're OK will defend you from loneliness, too. Or, could you try volunteering in your local community? This gives you the chance to meet new people, and boost your self-esteem.

A little kindness goes a long way – for everyone.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In Sweden, it would be frowned upon to decline a fika invitation without a good reason. But socializing should be done on your own terms. A coffee break with a colleague isn't the perfect solution to everyone's loneliness, after all. However, fika is as much about taking the time to slow down as it is about socializing.

It may sound counterintuitive to embrace being alone when you experience loneliness, but it can be empowering. I've enjoyed trips to the cinema, dinners out, and even holidays alone before. And I think they made me more resilient to lockdown loneliness.

By choosing to spend some time alone, you protect yourself from burnout and hurry sickness. It allows time for reflection and rest. I think often we're afraid of solitude, but it can be nice in small doses.

Final Thoughts on Fika

It's important that employees feel able to take the time out of their working day to build connections. Building relationships with co-workers will not only improve employee well-being, but it will also help to break down silos and enhance collaboration.

I hope other workplaces can take inspiration from Sweden and encourage their teams to slow down and connect with one another this Mental Health Awareness Week.

So what are you waiting for? Grab a coffee, a cake and a willing colleague!

The post Beating Loneliness With Fika: Sweden's Fix for Happier Workforces appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/beating-loneliness-fika-swedens-fix-for-happier-workforces/feed/ 6
#MTtalk Roundup: Rescue and Recovery – Caring For Yourself and Others https://www.mindtools.com/blog/mttalk-rescue-and-recovery/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/mttalk-rescue-and-recovery/#respond Tue, 21 Dec 2021 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=29375 "I used to be a rescuer until I rescued myself from that behavior. I learned that when I try to rescue someone, we often both lose something vital"

The post #MTtalk Roundup: Rescue and Recovery – Caring For Yourself and Others appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Click mouse. Nothing. Click, click. Still nothing. Panicked click-click-click. The big screen on my desk is dark. Frantic clickclickclick. And it's dead.

My mind goes into a tailspin. It feels as if a vortex of apocalyptic thoughts rips through my brain – I visualize the debris of my life hurtling toward a black hole and disappearing. A computer malfunction isn't something I can absorb right now.

Then I see it: a cable dangling from the screen. Wait... what?

Mind Tools Coach and #MTtalk host, Yolande Conradie.

It looks like the cable that should be plugged into my laptop to connect it to the screen. Indeed, it is. When I look to my left, I see my laptop – not in its usual place, but where I left it after I rushed in from a meeting.

With a sigh of relief, I return my laptop to its place, plug in the screen, click the mouse – and wouldn't you know it, everything's working just fine! Then I realize: the overwhelm is real, and I need to rescue myself from it. Now.

Accepting Overwhelm

When I was younger, I felt that, as a woman, it was expected of me to be superhuman and do work, do life, do wife, do parent, and do community without breaking a sweat – and all while getting eight hours of sleep and looking as calm as a millpond. I found it hard and shameful to even utter the words, "I feel overwhelmed."

Sometimes it still takes me longer than it should to know when I'm getting overwhelmed, but at least now I do recognize it. When I experience forgetfulness, have difficulty concentrating, am being scatterbrained, or have racing thoughts and can't sleep, I know that I'm toeing the overwhelmed line.

Experience is a wonderful teacher if you learn from it – otherwise, it's more like torture. An important thing that it's taught me is not to fall for temporary quick fixes like denial and procrastination. That's just kicking the can down the road.

Recovering Yourself

Being overwhelmed has taught me several things and enabled me to grow, too.

One of the gifts of realizing that I'm overwhelmed is that it helps me to reorder my priorities. Everything can't possibly be equally important, so I list what needs to be done today, and what can wait until tomorrow, or even next week or next month.

I've also rediscovered the miracle of delegation thanks to overwhelm. By delegating tasks to the people around me, hiring in extra help, and holding everyone accountable to keep their part of the machinery running, I give myself the precious gifts of time and mental bandwidth.

Taking responsibility for other people's issues and insecurities can add an immense load to my already full life. However, they need to cope with what they feel, what they've done, and how it impacts their lives – it's not my responsibility, and I don't need to compensate for it. (Please note, this does not mean that I don't feel empathy or won't help. It just means that I make a distinction between what is and isn't my responsibility, to look after my own well-being.)

Usually, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I know it's time to re-evaluate my expectations of myself. What's realistically achievable, when I take my time, energy and obligations into consideration? If I discover any unrealistic expectations, I examine what informed them, and how I need to adjust my thinking.

It might sound like hard emotional labor to do all of this but it's worth it. The gifts of time, space to think, peace of mind, contentment in my heart, and knowing that I live with integrity are worth the work.

"I cannot do all the good that the world needs.
But the world needs all the good I can do."

– Jana Stanfield, musician

Rescuing Others

Helping others is a good thing to do – it makes us kind and caring human beings. At times, we might even feel that it's our "duty" to "make" someone else happy. But can we really "rescue" someone at all?

With my education in professional therapy, I tend to steer clear of the word "rescue" when I'm referring to helping other people (except in the literal sense, like when someone is rescued from drowning, for instance).

Just as some people thrive on being rescuers, others thrive on being rescued. And "rescuing" them isn't necessarily doing them any good – it might be enabling the behavior that caused the need to be "rescued" in the first place.

Instead of rescuing someone else, it's more productive to be supportive and caring, while not minimizing their agency or being patronizing. (And even while supporting another person, it's important to keep your own needs in mind too.)

I've also learned to do the following: instead of asking, "Can I help you?" or, "How can I help you?" I'll ask, "What can I do for you right now?" And, "Is there something you'd like me to take care of later?" Using different words makes the questions sound more pragmatic/hands-on than just token offerings of help. A more specific question might, in turn, encourage the other person to express a specific need.

Rescue and Recovery – Caring for Yourself and Others

In our latest #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed what rescue and recovery mean, where to draw the line between caring for yourself and being selfish, and how to support others.

Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. "You cannot serve from an empty vessel." What does this Eleanor Brown quote mean to you?

@Midgie_MT It means that if I am running on empty myself, I have very little to give to others both in terms of quantity and quality of what I do.

@SarahH_MT That's a great quote. It reminds me that I can't be there to help and support others if I have nothing left to give myself.

Q2. What happens to you when you do not take the time to recover?

@DrKashmirM Not happy at home and not happy at the workplace.

@J_Stephens_CPA People think I'm irritated with them about something when instead I'm just tired and/or frustrated with myself. Extroverted introverts can't successfully extrovert if they are drained.

Q3. How do you unplug during recovery times? Does it help? Does it work?

@MarkC_Avgi Because most of the stress on my being has always been on my mind, I found unwinding with physical activities like gardening or yard-work. These activities took my mind off all the things that were weighing heavily.

@SoniaH_MT While recovering, I unplug by resting, sleeping, playing mobile games, catching tv re-runs, and not replying to social media. It helps and works for me because my mind can relax.

Q4. What's the difference between self-care and selfishness?

@virtudeskcom Selfishness itself means you don't think of other people. Unlike self-care, [where] you think and take care of yourself for the good of many.

@Yolande_MT To me, self-care is also me being radically honest with me. If I leave others in the lurch because of my poor planning/procrastination and then say "I'm doing the best I can," I'm being selfish – and that INCREASES my mental and emotional load.

Q5. How do you know that you've recovered sufficiently to function well?

@pavelStepanov77 If you feel happy, relaxed, and ready to go again.

@MikeB_MT Am I able to focus? Am I practicing patience? Is kindness my first reflex? These are three signs that I'm operating on recharged capacity.

Q6. Is there such a thing as too much recovery time for a person?

@lg217 There can be if too much if recovery time turns into not doing anything and staying home constantly and being lazy. Being lazy is a prime example of too much recovery time.

@Yolande_MT I've found that people who take too long to recover are sometimes too focused on what's wrong, all their triggers, all the negatives. While you need to be aware of those, you need to balance them out with positives/what's going right.

Q7. What is the difference between giving someone a helping hand and rescuing them?

@J_Stephens_CPA Reach; throw; row; go! The lessons of lifeguarding – you try other things before you put yourself in danger.

@MarkC_Avgi Giving someone a helping hand versus rescuing them is very much the timing of when you provide the assistance. Helping someone when they are struggling is different than helping them when they have hit "rock bottom."

Q8. How can you support someone without enabling their unhealthy behavior/choices?

@Midgie_MT By offering to help or support them in specific ways that are useful, beneficial or wanted by them. All the while having clear and firm boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.

@Dwyka_Consult Don't take away their agency. Be there and be supportive, but allow them to make their own decisions.

Q9. Where do you draw the line with rescuing others? Why?

@HloniphileDlam7 The moment I sense being taken advantage of or a person becoming too dependent on me I head towards the exit.

@MikeB_MT I used to be a rescuer until I rescued myself from that behavior. I learned that when I try to rescue someone, we often both lose something vital. Now, I'm present, I listen, I encourage. I may share resources and ideas. But I don't rescue.

Q10. How will you take your caring for self and others to the next level?

@SoniaH_MT Next level? I have never considered how I would take my caring for self and others to the next level! For now, I'm focusing on the base level of self-care and changing bad/old habits.

@SarahH_MT Be even more mindful of my own needs – when to take a break, step away, ask for help. And for others, ensure they remain at the heart of my thinking, be generous with my time and attention in a kind and boundaried way.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Coming Up

In the next #MTtalk blog, I'll be sharing some of my favorite tweets from 2021, as well as revealing our first chat topic for 2022.

Rescue and Recovery Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Hurry Sickness

Energizing Yourself

Supporting a Friend or Co-Worker Suffering From Stress

Managing Your Boundaries

Self-Sabotage

How to Learn From Your Mistakes

How to Avoid Generosity Burnout

Supporting Your People

Why Being a Generous Leader Can Make You a Great Leader

Working From Home

The post #MTtalk Roundup: Rescue and Recovery – Caring For Yourself and Others appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/mttalk-rescue-and-recovery/feed/ 0
The Psychology of Color in Business https://www.mindtools.com/blog/color-psychology/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/color-psychology/#respond Thu, 17 May 2018 10:00:44 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=13413 Spring has sprung, and the sun is shining on your tired and shabby office decor. It’s high time to revamp it, you think – and, while you’re at it, why not spruce up that dated logo, too? This is easier said than done, of course. It’s tricky enough to choose a color for your kitchen […]

The post The Psychology of Color in Business appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
Spring has sprung, and the sun is shining on your tired and shabby office decor. It’s high time to revamp it, you think – and, while you’re at it, why not spruce up that dated logo, too?

This is easier said than done, of course. It’s tricky enough to choose a color for your kitchen wall that your partner or roommate doesn’t hate, so how do you begin to pick the shade that represents your business to the entire world, and that doesn’t make your co-workers "see red?"

We all have an emotional relationship to color – think about the last time you were “tickled pink,” felt “a little blue,” or were “green with envy,” for example.

Clearly, color has a powerful effect on us. This has led to tall tales about its impact, including one survey which claimed that men who wear pink shirts benefit from increased confidence and a higher salary!

But other commentators, like marketing strategist Gregory Ciotti, point out that our responses to color are not universal; they are affected by our experiences, context and culture, too. And yet, even when we take these factors into account, evidence suggests that color can quickly and unconsciously influence our purchasing decisions, and our attitude to products and brands.

So, how can you use color to your advantage? And which colors will serve you best? Let's take a look…

Red

From a marketing and branding perspective, red certainly grabs our attention. But it can also evoke feelings of passion, anger, and even danger. So, make sure that the color you choose fits the brand image that you want to project.

Red can also increase heart rate and blood pressure. A red scheme in your office might help to keep your team members motivated and active, but it may not be the best option if you value peace and serenity!

Blue

Blue, on the other hand, prompts thoughts of seascapes and tranquil lakes, and is known for its calming qualities. It’s associated with stability, trust and loyalty. But, when you’re up against "blue giants" like Ikea, Facebook and PayPal, it can be difficult to make a blue logo stand out.

Blue can encourage focus. If you work from home and you struggle to maintain your concentration, a blue workspace could help. But, in an office, avoid going overboard with blue if you don’t want your space to look too “corporate.”

Green

Green is often used to indicate an environmentally friendly brand. Nothing wrong with that, but it may not be the primary message that you want to convey. Nevertheless, green is a good choice if you want to present a feeling of security, durability and strength.

Green works well in offices as it is, quite literally, easy on the eyes. It won’t cause visual fatigue, and it can help to freshen up even the dullest of cubicles. Green may also help to reduce anxiety, and plants are an easy way to introduce more of it to your workspace. Some plants help to clean the air, too.

Yellow

Yellow is another attention-grabber. It can provide a feeling of movement and speed, which is why it’s a popular choice for fast-food chains and car manufacturers. It’s also known to stimulate the appetite, so bear this in mind if you don’t want your colleagues to keep popping out for snacks!

Used in moderation, yellow has a sense of fun and happiness. It can be a great addition to creative workspaces, as it can encourage the free flow of ideas. Just steer clear of the more eye-watering shades! And be cautious when you use bright yellows on your products, or they could wind up looking more like warning signs.

And, as with all colors, make sure you’re aware of cultural differences. Yellow might make many think of sunshine and daisies, but in Egypt it’s the color of mourning.

Black

Black gives a sense of authority and elegance, and it can make your products look instantly more expensive and stylish. A monochrome colorway is a surefire way to create a simple and sleek brand identity.

And, perhaps surprisingly, it’s also a popular choice for office decor, as it gives the impression of power and sophistication. But don’t take it too far – an office that looks like a Bond villain’s lair may be off-putting to clients and prospective employees. You can avoid the “dungeon” look by adding accents of brighter, less intimidating hues.

So, don’t underestimate the power of color when you redecorate your offices or redesign your branding. But remember that everyone responds differently, and there are no hard-and-fast rules. If in doubt, ask yourself what different colors mean to you. You might be surprised by your answer!

How did you choose the colors that represent your brand? What feedback did you get from customers, clients and colleagues? Share your success stories (or tales of disaster) in the Comments, below!

The post The Psychology of Color in Business appeared first on Mind Tools.

]]>
https://www.mindtools.com/blog/color-psychology/feed/ 0