I took one look at the heap of bills and unanswered correspondence, rolled my sleeves up, and... found something else to do. Anything else. All the time. It was only when court summonses started rolling in that I finally started making panic-stricken phone calls. My stress levels went through the roof. Everything seemed out of control.

Searching for the Causes of Procrastination

It shouldn't have been that way. A normal person, I told myself, would make lists, set priorities, and actually do something. Not me. What was wrong with me?

I've always tended to ride deadlines. Been afraid of committing to action. I'm probably even writing this blog much closer to the copy date than most of my co-workers would. Down the years, I've had a few tries at improving matters. I've written action plans and endless to-do lists. And though this enforced self-discipline has had some effect, the underlying problem doesn't go away.

So what is wrong with me?

The Problem With Emotion

In the past, I’ve fielded plenty of opinions. They usually focus on personal organization, and specifically time management. So is that the answer? Set enough goals and deadlines, tick off enough achievements, and everything will be OK?

Maybe not. Because research suggests that the root cause of procrastination may not be as simple as poor time management. It's about poor emotional management.

Procrastination as a Coping Mechanism

Professor Fuschia Sirois and Dr Tim Pychyl are leading researchers in the field of procrastination. In their 2013 research paper, they suggest that individuals often resort to procrastination as a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions associated with stress, anxiety, fear of failure, or even boredom.

By postponing tasks or avoiding them altogether, people temporarily relieve these distressing emotions. This short-term relief, however, comes at the cost of increased stress and anxiety as deadlines loom.

One of the worst things about procrastination is that, most of the time, we're aware we're doing it. This self-awareness reinforces our sense of shame and promotes self-blame. And that reinforces the negative emotions that led to procrastination in the first place. It's a vicious circle.

We Don't All Procrastinate Alike

At this point, it's important to note that not everyone experiences procrastination in the same way. OK, so almost everyone does it from time to time. But for some people it's a serious problem. And the causes aren't always the same.

People with ADHD, for example, have an increased tendency to procrastinate. But research suggests that this is more to do with the difficulty they experience in paying attention than with emotional problems.

If you're managing someone who struggles with procrastination, or if you're prone to it yourself, it's worth bearing all possible causes in mind.

So, what can we do about all this? If it's a problem with managing our emotions, then we need to start by acknowledging that. Here are a few ideas about coping with the emotional roots of procrastination:

• Recognize and acknowledge your emotions. Think about the emotions that arise when you're faced with a task. Take a moment to reflect on the feelings of anxiety, fear or self-doubt that influence your decision to procrastinate. By acknowledging these emotions, you can begin to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
• Be kind to your future self. Research shows that our brains aren't good at thinking about our future states. We literally see "future us" as different people. So spend time making that future self less of a stranger. How will they feel if you don't get that project finished, or skip your gym session? Likely not great. So be kinder to them, and visualize how actually getting things done will benefit you down the line.
• Reframe negative thoughts. Negative thoughts and self-doubt often contribute to procrastination. Challenge these thoughts by replacing them with more positive and realistic beliefs. Remind yourself that progress, not perfection, is the goal and that even small steps toward completing a task are valuable.
• Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself when faced with setbacks or difficulties. Recognize that everyone encounters obstacles and that mistakes are a part of the learning process. Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself for past procrastination and focusing on the positive action you can take now.
• Regulate your emotions. Use effective emotion-regulation strategies such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or journaling. These techniques can help you to navigate negative emotions more skillfully, reducing the urge to procrastinate.

Establishing Good Practice to Beat Procrastination

OK, so you procrastinate because you don't handle negative emotions well, not because you're a lousy time manager. But there are a few techniques that can help with the practical side of beating procrastination. For example:

• Set realistic goals. Vague goals can be demotivating and increase the likelihood of procrastination. Set clear and achievable goals that outline what you need to do and when. Decide what your future self would want to see, and develop a clear plan of action to make that happen.
• Break tasks into manageable chunks. Overwhelming tasks can be paralyzing, and lead you into the cycle of procrastination. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This approach not only makes the task less intimidating but also provides a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step.
• Plan specific actions to overcome obstacles. For example, if you need to work on a challenging project, you could establish a specific time and place for working on it. This approach helps you to create a concrete plan that reduces ambiguity and makes it easier to start.
• Enlist the support of others. Make yourself accountable to co-workers to enhance motivation and commitment. Sharing progress, setbacks and deadlines with a trusted individual or group can provide both support and extra accountability.

So will all this lead you (and me) to be better at getting things done? Only time will tell. I do believe that my future self would like to be a bit less stressed by my current self's inaction. Believing that is a start.

So it’s back to the piles of paper and the urgent phone calls. But at least I've got an idea of how to get through it, and what to focus on. And that helps. A lot.

To help you learn more about tackling procrastination, Mind Tools members have a range of resources to choose from, including:

How to Stop Procrastinating

Are You a Procrastinator?

Overcoming Procrastination Video

Emotional Intelligence

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the past 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Tackling Procrastination – at the Root appeared first on Mind Tools.

That's it, what to say about... Oh wait up, what's this? An email alert from the boss. Can't ignore that. And my phone just pinged me. And before you know it, an hour's gone by and this blog is going nowhere.

It's a problem we've likely all faced. It's difficult to give your attention to just one thing over the course of a working day. When did you last manage it? So many other nudges, notifications and essential updates jostle for your attention.

And that's just the work stuff. Add all the funny noises my phone makes, and a bad day can be a constant battle to concentrate on anything.

A Crisis of Focus

This is a relatively recent phenomenon. But it's getting worse. How much worse? Well, as Johann Hari is keen to explain in his book "Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention," the forces determined to attract and keep our attention are everywhere, and they're enormously powerful.

And we aren't doing enough to help ourselves. Sound like something from the "Matrix" movie franchise? It's not. "Stolen Focus" isn't a bunch of conspiracy theories. It’s based on many interviews with leading experts in everything from Big Tech to sleep deprivation.

And the picture they paint is a disturbing one.

The Battle for Attention

First, they really are out to get us. There are whole industries dedicated to grabbing our attention. They offer what we think of as rewards – bonus points, membership privileges, that sort of thing – and in return we give them our data.

Then they use that data to build complex profiles of us so that they can put adverts before us for things they know we want.

If that sounds sinister, consider what else behavioral scientists and data analysts can use that data for. They can predict not just what we might want to buy, but what we think about bigger issues. Even how we might vote. If they can predict something, they will likely try to influence it.

Sure, we can switch off our devices. We can lock them away. If we're lucky, we can escape to remote locations – as Hari does. But we're still susceptible. We're still experiencing something close to addiction.

How We Steal Our Own Focus

Second, we harm our own attention from the moment we get up. All too often we grab high-fat, high-sugar snacks rather than proper food. We expose ourselves to brain-damaging pollution daily.

When we do finally put aside the screens to go to bed, we can't sleep properly. So our brains are exhausted, and our ability to focus takes another knock.

Many of us also live in cultures that value the quick fix. So doctors prescribe vast quantities of drugs to treat ADHD, depression and sleeplessness, while leaving the root causes untouched.

In some cases, these causes are to do with innate psychological problems and brain chemistry. But for many people, maybe most, it's the environment in which they live that's the problem.

The Will to Change – and Why We Often Can't

There's another insidious factor at work, and again it's cultural. Hari calls it "cruel optimism." We all want to believe that we can change. That belief should be empowering.

But it's double-edged. If we fail to give up junk food, Twitter, or playing video games until 3 a.m., it's on us. Our willpower's the problem. Never mind that billions of dollars are spent every year trying to overcome that willpower.

Reclaiming Our Attention

It's a grim picture. So are there any positives? Well, we can take steps to change the way we behave as individuals, cruel optimism or not. Hari outlines them. And we can learn lessons from some societies that have taken steps to address this constant erosion of attention.

But Hari's main targets throughout are larger scale. They're industrial complexes and dysfunctional societies. And they will only change how they behave through collective action. Whether it's because customers or activists demand it, or governments enforce it, it'll still be a long-term battle.

"Stolen Focus" is a wake-up call. It deserves our attention – if we can spare it. Because the consequences of whole societies being in a state of distraction are dire. They certainly go beyond whether this blog gets finished or not.

So I'll definitely be turning off the laptop earlier, and spending more time with a good book. As soon as I've checked Twitter, obviously.

Listen to Our "Stolen Focus" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio recordings.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Club member or corporate user, listen to the "Stolen Focus" Book Insight now!

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

About the Author

Simon has been researching, writing and editing non-fiction for over 30 years. In that time he's worked on educational courses, scientific journals, and mass-market trade books about everything from popular psychology to buying houses in Bulgaria. In the last 20 years he's specialized in simplifying complex subjects, and helping readers to learn new skills. Away from work he listens to good music, watches bad football, and is fascinated by medieval history.

The post Time to Focus on Our Dangerous Lack of Focus appeared first on Mind Tools.

Certain that a fake news article had sent people into overdrive, I switched on my computer. But it was true. There were major riots breaking out across South Africa.

Immediately, my mind was spinning. Is my family OK? Do I have enough fuel in my car? Is the grocery cupboard stocked? Do I have enough broccoli (my food addiction) and milk (for my coffee addiction)? Most importantly: do I have enough dog food to keep a 45 kg Rottweiler going for a few weeks?

Driven to Distraction

So I sped over to the grocery store, followed by a frantic trip to the vet to get dog food, and piled back into my car. But then it all went south.

As I slowly backed out of the parking spot, and my car's parking sensor beeped to a steady rhythm, my mind was racing. I checked items off the growing to-do list in my head, remembered that I had to phone my aunt when I got home, and worried about being home alone since my husband was out of the country.

I looked at the image on the console from the reverse-view camera as I wondered if I should have picked up more bottled water at the grocery store, and how I'd work if the Wi-Fi went down.

But even as the sensor's beeping became faster, and a large metal pole loomed into the camera's view, my mind was on other things.

My car's fender met the pole. My stomach echoed the thud – and my heart, too.

Repeating the Cycle

This wasn't the first time I'd had a small accident when feeling stressed. The car had already suffered a few bumps and scrapes, I'd dropped a weight on my foot, and I'd even been catapulted off a treadmill because I wasn't concentrating. It's funny now. It wasn't funny then.

I was convinced I'd learned my lesson that I needed to be extra careful when I feel overwhelmed – but obviously I hadn't. I'd heard the beeping of the parking sensor and I'd been watching the camera image. But I'd still dented the fender.

I had identified the lesson after previous incidents, but clearly I hadn't learned it.

If it was truly a lesson learned, I would have applied the knowledge. I would have taken a few seconds to breathe, return to the present, and get my thoughts under control before I started the car.

More Lessons Identified

Burnout

Many people suffer from repeated burnout. They'll tell you that their body often warns them to slow down – and they know that they should listen. Yet, they have to get to the brink of burnout (or worse) before they slow down.

Boundaries

Perhaps you're a people pleaser. Despite learning the hard way that there are some people you can't trust, you continue to compromise your own boundaries for the sake of "keeping the peace." But you can only protect yourself from toxic people if you learn to keep your boundaries firmly in place.

Procrastination

Procrastination causes a specific type of stress: you feel anxious, restless, you can't enjoy anything, and you feel terrible about yourself. After a particularly bad and stressful experience, you promise yourself that you've learned the lesson. You also know how much better you feel when you stay on top of your tasks instead of working through the night. But, slowly, you start procrastinating again until the next crisis hits. Does that sound familiar?

Lessons Identified Vs. Lessons Learned

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed the difference between identifying a lesson and learning a lesson. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. How do we usually identify life lessons? What happens?

@HloniphileDlam7 When we stumble we learn the most. Pain also teaches us a lot.

@carriemaslen We can only identify life lessons after we've learned them first hand!

Q2 What's the difference between a lesson identified and a lesson learned?

@SoniaH_MT Lesson Identified + Action Taken or Modified Behavior = Lesson Learned

@SarahH_MT  Lesson identified requires looking back. It's reflecting on what happened and what needs to change. Lesson learned is looking forward and in the present moment. It's also active. By changing x, y, z I got a better outcome. I'll do more of that in the future.

@MarkC_Avgi Burning your hand on something hot, once, is a lesson identified. Burning your hand on something hot, more than once, you only identified it. Obviously, you did not learn anything after you identified the initial lesson.

Q3. Why might we think we've learned the lesson when in fact we've only identified it?

@Yolande_MT I think myself to exhaustion about lessons identified. I think myself so tired that it feels as if I've learned them.

@TheTomGReid Until the lesson is internalized and made part of our belief structure, it is not learned. We might be aware of a certain gap in our logic or sentiment and not be able to explain it. Could be due to it being an ugly truth we are not ready to accept.

Q4. When you hear a business or community leader say "lessons have been learned" what do you see happen next? What would you advise?

@Midgie_MT Often times those are empty words because it is not followed up with tangible, visible action to address the problem/ issue. My advice is to take action and demonstrate what concrete things are being done.

@J_Stephens_CPA More often than not, it only means a lesson has been identified.  Corrective actions need to be taken (not blame).

Q5. What type of lessons seem easy to identify but harder to learn?

@Dwyka_Consult It's very easy to identify lessons that other people need to learn... that's my lesson that's easy to identify and hard to learn: to remember that other people will learn what they learn.

@Tanjiskas For me it's the lessons that require me to change my beliefs, the deepest fibre of my being. Those are really hard because most of the time it is something I have learned in childhood.

Q6. What strategies or techniques have you discovered to learn lessons more quickly?

@TheTomGReid Rather than make resolutions based on your "resolve" set up systems that modify your behavior. Keep the cookies on the top shelf until you stop buying them at all. All your goals can be achieved if you set up the systems that modify your behavior. Willpower is weak.

@SoniaH_MT Asking or researching someone else who has successfully conquered the issue you're dealing with can help you learn lessons more quickly.

Q7. How and when do you know if you've learned the lesson?

@lg217 You will know when your life lesson is learned once you are able to identify the lesson as well as understand the life lesson to the point when you know the ins and outs as well if what you learned is right or wrong to do.

@ZalkaB When you are in a similar situation or faced with similar circumstances, and it doesn't trigger you anymore and/ or you react differently, because you've changed.

Q8. What lessons have you identified that you're still struggling to learn?

@J_Stephens_CPA  I keep "volunteering."

@MarkC_Avgi To not get "sucked in" to topics on Twitter by responding to tweets which I have strong opinions about, or to attend every argument I am invited to.

Q9. How do you begin to move from lesson learned to lesson applied?

@yehiadief When you teach the lesson to others.

@SarahH_MT By being more mindful, building in more time to notice earlier what's working and what isn't, building self-awareness, setting personal goals and commitments, creating habits and routines that support/ reinforce the learning, being prepared for imperfection.

Q10. In what way can you help others identify and learn life lessons?

@ColfaxInsurance Ultimately, the power to identify and learn those lessons is up to them. You can offer advice, share your own experiences, and point out patterns, but they will need to do the learning on their own.

@HloniphileDlam7 First, find them; connect to what drives them and you will understand their path, share experience, warn and caution, and also be there when they learn their lessons – usually there are tears involved. By just being there they will learn the most from you.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

If you're struggling to move from lesson identified to lesson learned to lesson applied, an accountability partner might be just what you need. Next time on #MTtalk we'll be discussing accountability partners. In our Twitter poll this week, we want to know which characteristics you'd like to see in an accountability partner.

Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

Developing Self-Awareness

10 Common Leadership and Management Mistakes

The Power of Good Habits

Intentional Change Theory

How to Defeat Self-Sabotage Video

Self-Mastery

How to Learn From Your Mistakes

Breaking Bad Habits

Self-Sabotage

8 Ways to Improve Self-Regulation

Golden Rules of Goal-Setting

Mindfulness in the Workplace

The post Lessons Identified Vs. Lessons Learned – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

Every two weeks, #MTtalk – now heading past its 150^th edition – takes Mind Tools live with our Twitter chat, tackling the issues of work, wellness and how to reach your potential in a world that is not getting any easier to traverse!

Hosted by our global coaching team, each hour-long chat poses 10 questions to our online community, to help find solutions that work in the real world. One of the team then curates the best answers alongside their personal reflections, in a follow-up blog.

These, then, are some of our favorite themes and tweets from this year's MTtalks...

Boundaries: Your New Best Friend

Guilt, it turns out, is the enemy when it comes to maintaining your boundaries, a subject we explored in March.

But Community and Coaching Manager, Yolande Conradie, has got past that. She said in her #MTtalk blog, "In recent years, I've become good at managing people who don't respect my boundaries – including family.

"I even taught my husband that a closed office door means, 'Do not enter unless the house is burning down or you're having a heart attack and can't phone the ambulance yourself!'"

So our Twitter chat that week centered around the importance of having and maintaining boundaries…

Q. When people maintain strong boundaries for themselves, what's the effect on you and others? Ditto weak boundaries?

@SustainedLeader Those with weak or no boundaries are doormats and people will take advantage. Rigid boundaries without reason make people difficult to work with. Rigid boundaries bolstered by principles allow healthy discussion and a clear playing field.

Q. What might happen if you start asserting your boundaries? How might others react?

@TheToniaKallon Those who benefit from your lack of boundaries will try to make you feel guilty for asserting yourself. Those who fully respect you will adjust in time.

Language That Divides

Race, gender, class, and the stigmatization of mental illness are all targets of language that divides and attempts to conquer.

It's a subject Yolande tackled in her blog in May. She concluded, "Some people will justify an offensive or hurtful comment by adding, 'I'm just joking.' Such language is designed to make the person on the receiving end feel like they're the one in the wrong, and shouldn't take things 'too seriously.'

"Will it not be to our benefit across the whole world to use language as a tool to unite people, to build peaceful nations, and to foster co-operation?"

We asked our online community for their experiences of, and lessons learned from, divisive language.

Q. Words have the power to exclude. How?

@SizweMoyo Words can change a person's position in social spaces – what we think a person can do and how well we think they can do it. For a long time, the use of certain words meant that those branded with certain words [had] a smaller chance of enjoying life to the fullest.

Q. Language is woven into cultures and societies. How do we change the use of divisive language?

@JKatzaman Language that is culturally embedded is tough, because it's what children learn from parents and playmates. Bess Truman was asked why (U.S. President) Harry said "manure." She replied, "You don't know how many years it took us to get him to say that."

You Are What You Consume!

What we eat, think, read, watch, and listen to, and who we spend time with, are all things that we "consume."

And in July, Yolande highlighted the need to consume with caution, after falling victim herself to doomscrolling – chasing one grim headline after another.

She admitted, "During the height of pandemic lockdown, I became fixated with the news. I felt as if I had to know, hour by hour, what the COVID statistics looked like."

In our #MTtalk Twitter chat on the subject, we talked about why it's important to be mindful of our consumption.

Q. Why do we talk about content "consumption" – and what are the parallels with our food and drink?

@chase_csc If we eat bad foods, we will get sick. It's similar to consuming content: if we consume negative content, it will also affect our mindset.

Q. How did you first become aware that you need to be mindful of what you consume?

@Dwyka_Consult I heard a voice in my head that sounded like someone whom I didn't want to sound like – and it was because I didn't consume a diverse range of material. If I wanted to be different, I would have to consume differently!

How to Do What You Know You Need to Do

We're talking To-Do Lists, here. And what makes it worse is, you know how to do it – but you just can't bring yourself to do it!

Our Twitter community weighed in with some top tips in that week's MTtalk.

Q. What is the first step you take to get started?

@MicheleDD_MT I create my goal. I need the end point to help me see the path forward. I make the goal as vivid as possible to motivate me.

Q. What can you do to break the pattern of unproductive/unhelpful behavior?

@ColfaxInsurance Focus on what you can accomplish now, no matter how small. As an example – have to start getting out of bed at 6am, but keep hitting snooze? Move the alarm so you physically have to get out of bed to shut it off.

Joining the Club and downloading the Mind Tools Life Plan workbook is another great way to help yourself to set meaningful goals and to take action to successfully achieve them!

Hybrid Working: Your Fears and Solutions

It's a given that the world of work will never return to its pre-pandemic self. In its place has rushed hybrid working – a combination of online and in the workplace.

In September, Mind Tools coach Sarah Harvey looked ahead at the transition. She said, "Managing a hybrid team requires an element of over-communication. We need to create the time and space for better quality conversations to take place.

"This will help to develop that deeper sense of human connection in a hybrid world. And this needs persistence."

In our MTtalk, we found out how our online community were handling and reacting to the changes.

Q. How do you remain motivated and focused when you're virtual compared with face-to-face?

@MindfulLifeWork Real motivation comes from connecting our personal meaning to our work's meaning. If that connection is solid, motivation is overflowing. Staying organized also helps!

Q. How is hybrid working affecting the quality of your workplace relationships?

@TheTomGReid As a strong introvert, most workplace relationships were a bothersome distraction to me. I've been called anti-social, and perhaps I am a bit. But I'm AT work TO work, not to socialize.

How Do You Run a Business?

Of course, you could decide you're through working for other people and decide to go it alone.

Yolande's grandfather did, and did it well, until he took pity on an old friend who ended up running off with every cent he had.

In November, she recalled, "My grandpa was a wealthy man. He owned a successful transport business. His work ethic was beyond reproach. However, his inability to say 'no' would eventually lead to his downfall."

We asked our online community for their tips for budding entrepreneurs.

Q. "What advice would you offer to someone thinking of starting their own business?"

@TheTomGReid Think twice. Maybe three times.

@Dwyka_Consult Be wise, ask for help, and don't let anyone pressure you into decisions that your gut isn't comfortable with.

#MTtalk in 2022

We hope you enjoyed our highlights from the year. You can find all 20+ Twitter hour blogs from across 2021 by searching the Mind Tool site for #MTtalk.

Our first #MTtalk of the new year is on Friday, January 14 and is entitled, "CTRL ALT DEL – Rebooting for 2022!" Please join us! More details in our #MTtalk blog on January 11.

Your Favorite Tweets

What topics caught your eye in 2021? Have you got any favorite tweets of the year, whether from MTtalks or elsewhere? Let us know in the comments, below.

The post Favorite Tweets of the #MTtalk Year appeared first on Mind Tools.

Do you have something you know you need to do – and you know how to do it – but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? Procrastination, dawdling, postponement, Akrasia – they’re all synonyms for the same ailment: not doing today what needs to be done today. And we all have these moments at some point in our lives.

"If you put off everything 'till you're sure of it, you'll never get anything done."

Norman Vincent Peale, U.S. author

So, why do these moments happen? For example, I knew I wanted to write this blog post, and I knew I had a deadline to meet. But I just couldn’t bring myself to write it any sooner than the last minute. Why the delay? What causes us to feel so challenged about doing something we know how to do? 

Size It Up, Seize the Day

I had a conversation with my 15-year-old son, who is struggling with his English Language school work. He could not, in any way, motivate himself to write his assignments. 

I asked him what he felt were the challenges of getting his work done. He responded that some of the essays were just too long, and it intimidated him to think about how much time and effort it would take to complete them. 

I asked him if he could write one paragraph on the topic. He said he could. Then I asked if he could write two paragraphs. Again, he said he could. I carried on asking the same question, and he kept saying he could. 

Eventually, we got to the full length of the document (four pages), and he realized that he could do the whole essay. It wasn’t the size of the document that troubled him, it was the thought of the size of the document. 

Don't Let Procrastination Flaw You

Delaying doing something is often referred to as "procrastination." This is defined as the force that prevents you from following through on what you set out to do. 

Procrastination is a human flaw that has been around forever. So it’s been discussed many times and many people have suggested solutions.

Not delaying on things you know how to do can provide a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. On the other hand, delaying these issues can often generate poor mental health and a sense of dissatisfaction. 

So, what does it take to stop delaying those things you know you need to do?

The "Why" of Procrastination

Our value system, as humans, has a lot to do with why we delay doing things. If given a choice between enjoying something small now or something larger, later, we tend to choose the smaller, immediate reward. 

An example is goal setting. Now goal setting is a positive activity, if you do it properly. But think of your New Year’s Resolution as an example of goal setting that can go wrong.

You experience the rewards for your New Year’s Resolution in the future, over time. Let’s say you promise to stop eating chocolate. At first, you succeed, and experience an immediate reward thanks to the satisfaction you experience from sticking to your goal. 

However, slowly you start to question the benefit of not eating chocolate. You start eating just a little at first, in order to feed your need for immediate satisfaction. 

Soon, one chocolate becomes many, because you’re more satisfied by the short-term reward of eating chocolate, than by the long-term and invisible benefits of not eating chocolate.

The "What" of Procrastination

At some point, we feel enough pressure, guilt, motivation, or whatever you choose to name it, and we move the future into the present. For example, my delaying writing this blog was fine when the deadline was far into the future. Now, though, the deadline is looming rapidly. 

This means that the future consequences are now present consequences. If I don’t get moving on writing the blog, I’ll miss the deadline and experience all there is that goes along with that outcome. 

I have to understand this in the present, because the deadline is upon me. There is a choice to be made – do I ignore the deadline or do I do everything I can to meet it? The decision I make depends on how I feel about the outcome. 

Will I still have the opportunity to write a blog in the future? How much do I enjoy writing a blog? Will I feel more satisfied once I’ve written the post than I would if I didn’t? All of these considerations will affect the decision.

The "How" of Procrastination

As well as outcomes that you may not enjoy, delaying the things you should be doing can also become harmful to your physical and mental well-being.

For example, if you go to the gym by yourself and decide one morning that you’re not in the mood, that won’t impact your physical health too badly. However, if it becomes a habit, not going to the gym could impact your physical health significantly in the long run. 

How do we, then, overcome this delaying process? There are several strategies that have come from a variety of research. One such approach is called Temptation Bundling, developed by Professor Katy Milkman at the University of Pennsylvania. Milkman suggests doing the thing you’re delaying with another thing that you enjoy.

In our gym example, make an arrangement to meet your best friend at the gym every morning. You can then exercise and socialize together, making the experience much more pleasant and easier to commit to. 

Another method of heading off procrastination is to reduce the size of the task, by breaking it into smaller pieces. As with my son's procrastination episode and his reluctance to write a four-page essay. Breaking that task down into paragraphs made it seem more “doable.”

What Next?

Changing your mindset, from procrastinating to doing what you know you need to do, will produce better outcomes in your life, and make you feel better about yourself. And moving rewards in your value system, and how you think about them, can help in breaking that "delaying" cycle. 

Having an external influence to help remind you of the things that need to be done, and even to offer help, can make you feel better about completing tasks today. Instead of in a future that isn't real. 

How to Do What You Know You Need to Do

During the #MTtalk Twitter chat last Friday, we talked about how to do the things you know you need to do. Here are the questions we asked and some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. What do you need to do – and how do you feel about that?

@emapirciu I have a long to-do list every day. Sometimes I feel motivated, but there are days in which I feel like burning that list and watching TikTok all day.

@PdJen I need to make more time for training and professional development. I also need to learn how to be more patient! I’m trying on both fronts!

Q2. Why might a hard-working, self-disciplined person fail to do what they need to do?

@Yolande_MT Emotional distress of any kind might cause someone not to be their usual diligent self.

@PG_pmp Maybe they have not realized their strength and are unable to channel their energy in the right direction.    

Q3. Is it just about procrastination, or is there more to not doing what you know you need to do?

@SizweMoyo Procrastination might be the easiest conclusion to reach but there are more reasons why reality may have unfolded different from your visualisation meditation.

@llake Trauma/unanticipated disruption can make us hesitate or completely stop. It isn't about procrastination. It's more about being in tune to what is needed at the moment. A transformation of energy.

Q4. What and who prevent us from doing what we know we need to do?

@JKatzaman We are usually the deciders of what, when and why we do things. Waiting for motivation to be delivered might not be a positive experience.

@NeViNShCe1 Laziness, other more fun tasks, social media... but most of all for me it's when I don't know WHY I need to do something. That kills me on my best days.

Q5. What is the first step you take to get started?

@MicheleDD_MT I create my goal. I need the end point to help me see the path forward. I make the goal as vivid as possible to motivate me.

@TwinkleEduCons Make a plan and start with something small - maybe even something you are already doing/have already done. Break it down into manageable, less daunting parts. Visualizing the end result can help to motivate us to start!

Q6. What can you do to break the pattern of unproductive/unhelpful behavior?

@ColfaxInsurance Focus on what you can accomplish now, no matter how small. As an example - have to start getting out of bed at 6am, but keep hitting snooze? Move the alarm so you physically have to get out of bed to shut it off.

@TheToniaKallon Shifting productivity mindset:

1) Identify what's holding you back (i.e. lack of info, low motivation, fear of failure)
2) Take small steps toward change (i.e. breaking projects into smaller tasks)
3) Recognize change takes time & unproductive patterns can be hard to break

Q7. What is the most useful tip you've been told about getting things done – and who told you?

@carriemaslen Don't over-think is great advice. Requires us letting go of perfection and accepting/seeking Good Enough.

@LernChance Do a time and task plan. Prioritize, prepare, execute. Actually, I don’t remember who told me. I guess it's a mix of what I read and my experience.  

Q8. Which technology is helpful/unhelpful for getting important stuff done?

@Yolande_MT Your phone, tablet, television can be unhelpful, but so can a book. In the end it's not about what we use, but how and when we choose to engage with it.

@NeViNShCe1 I find it helpful to work in a Team. Technology is great when I can automate a task. Reminders are great. Anything that writes the words for me. But most of the time pen and paper will do the hard work at the beginning 

Q9. How can our peers help or hinder us to keep on track?

@Midgie_MT Peers can help us by reminding us of what we said we would do. If and when we stray off track, they could provide gentle reminders!

@llake Well-meaning advice can sound like gospel. We're trained to hear outside voices when the voice that matters is the one when our soul speaks. I find the best help is when someone repeats back to me what I said or what they thought I said so I can hear it more clearly. 

Q10. When someone hasn't done the thing they need to – how can you best help them?

@emapirciu Make sure people want help before deciding you want to be a hero. Unsolicited assistance is not cool.

@SizweMoyo Try cheering them on or working on the task with them. My friends usually respond to these two gestures.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

If you don't do what you know you need to do, it erodes your self-esteem. That might be one of the reasons why you start your sentences with "I'm sorry, but/to ..."

In our next #MTtalk chat, we're going to talk about how to stop apologizing for everything and anything. In our poll this week, we'd like to know your perspective on saying sorry all the time. To see the poll and cast your vote, please click here.

Resources

Want to dig a little deeper? Here are relevant resources for you to explore. Some may only be available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club.

Are You a Procrastinator?

How to Stop Procrastinating?

Personal Goal Setting

10 Common Time Management Mistakes

Self-Discipline

Self-Sabotage

What Is Time Management?

Improve Your Concentration

The post How to Do What You Know You Need to Do – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

One competitor’s mind is full of doubts and uncertainty. They are preoccupied with their fears of what lies ahead. All these distracting thoughts will almost certainly damage their performance.

In contrast, the other athlete is calm, focused and ready to go. Rather than dwelling on the "what if," they have chosen to focus on the task at hand. They know that they are ready and they are prepared to give it their best shot. They will likely perform better because they have a clear mind, free of distractions.

The difference between the two individuals is where they choose to direct their attention. Thankfully, attention is a habit that anyone can adopt. The key is to select which thoughts you listen to and which ones you disregard. You can also regularly stop and ask yourself, "what am I paying attention to right now and is it helping or hindering me?"

"Starve your distractions. Feed your focus."

Unknown

Focus on the Sunny Side

During the past few months, with all the stress, fear and worry caused by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, I have often struggled to concentrate. No matter how many strategies I put in place to avoid distractions, I couldn’t seem to get work done. No amount of asking myself "does it help or hinder?" was effective when I couldn’t drown out the worries in my mind.

So, rather than beat myself up for lacking focus, I acknowledged that we are living in exceptional circumstances. When times have been tough, I have chosen to pay attention to what is good in my life and be grateful for the simple things. I have chosen to focus on what I can control. This shift in attention helps me to move forward in a more positive and productive manner. It is progress, even if it isn’t perfection!

Attention and Focus

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last Friday, we talked about attention and focus in a world of distractions. Here are the questions we asked and some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. What do you need to pay attention to – and how easy is that?

@_TomGReid Sustained leaders remain situationally aware. You notice everything and can immediately assess whether it is critical or noise-level. You pay attention to everything, but prioritize those that can move the needle.

@PG_pmp One needs to have focus and a "to do" attitude... it is easy if you love your work.

Q2. Do you think technology causes us to overuse our attention span? Why?

@WonderPix Tech can certainly help us tax our attention span... but even without it, our brains can quickly bounce back and forth between things.

@lg217 It can, depending on how the technology is used. Most people use technology to do certain tasks. Others use it as a distractor. It depends on the use.

Q3. How do you know if others are paying attention? What do you feel?

@TheCraigKaye Eye contact, paraverbals, body language, professional curiosity, inquisitive questions, smiles and nods, exploration.

@MaryEllenGrom When others pay attention you feel relevant, respected and valued.

Q4. What or who distracts you the most?

@Midgie_MT The accessibility of social media distracts me. Rather than simply pause, look out the window and then get back to what I was doing, it's easy to hop onto social media for that break and then find I've spent way too long there!

@VardhanPande It is my inner chatter which distracts me the most.

Q5. How do attention management and time management differ?

@MicheleDD_MT Attention is a combination of behaviors: mindfulness, presence, focus, flow. Time management is a set of tools.

@lsmurthy99 While similar to time management, attention management changes the focus of your time to how you are engaging.

Q6. How can you shift your attention between tasks without losing focus?

@aamir9769 Quite difficult until you're smart enough having skills to handle it. Keep a notepad, write down where you left off and what you were doing, and then move onto another task to carry out. Don't do 10 tasks at the same time, we are not robots. Accept only what you are able to digest.

@ColfaxInsurance Have relating tasks back-to-back so when you do switch it doesn't derail your productivity and you can continue working smoothly.

Q7. What role does self-discipline play in your ability to focus?

@JKatzaman Citing lack of discipline is just an excuse to give yourself a pass from responsibility.

@PmTwee Don’t know it is self-discipline or not, firm expectation should enable one’s ability to focus.  

Q8. What's your strategy for dealing with distractions?

@jasonbrewster My approaches to dealing with distractions: 1) Self compassion - we're human. It happens; 2) headphones in when I need focus time on a task; 3) contract about your response times to different messaging types - email I’ll reply in a few days, messages same day.

@letusthink2 Do not multi-task...that becomes your biggest distraction. Focus on one task at a time.

Q9. What/who should you pay less attention to/focus on less?

@saikatsaha I should pay less attention to anything that is not part of my present moment. Everything apart from this tweet chat is less worthy of my attention presently.

@Yolande_MT  Don't focus on what you don't want - you'll get more of it.

Q10. What could you achieve if you could focus on the right things?

@DhongdeSupriya Could identify first what are those right things, and then enjoy the focus.

@carriemaslen What a great question to print out and put on my monitor as a constant reminder!

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

Many people find it difficult to pay attention to what's important NOW. However, circumstances sometimes force us to do it. For our next #MTtalk, we're going to discuss salvaging your career after COVID-19.

In our poll this week, we'd like to know what worries you most when you think about salvaging or re-building your career? To see the poll and cast your vote, please click here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to attention and focus that we discussed on Friday. Note: some of the resources below may only be available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club.

Minimizing Distractions

In Flow

Managing a Person With ADHD

Effective Scheduling

How to Get More Done in Less Time

Is This a Morning Task?

Perfectionism

The post Attention and Focus – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

All of my close friends had both parents living at home, and many of them were wealthy. They came to school in cars that started without a push, and they went on expensive holidays. Despite good grades and sporting accolades, I felt like I didn't deserve to be there.

My sense of imposter syndrome got worse when I won a place at Oxford University. There, I met people whose fathers were diplomats in Africa, or whose mothers had studied at Oxford themselves. I was from a single-parent family in Liverpool. My dad was a retired shipping clerk while my mum had worked at an array of jobs, but never had a career.

The next rung on the ladder of my social climb was also the final straw. I got a job as a political journalist, working in Britain's Houses of Parliament. So I traveled with prime ministers and reported on wars and terrorist attacks. I'd got the job on merit, but I never felt good enough. I was always waiting to be found out.

Identify the Imposter

No surprise, then, that I did what any "imposter" would do in those circumstances – I overcompensated. I worked long hours, took on too much, abandoned my personal life, and wreaked havoc on my health. I drank to excess, overate, and exercised compulsively. By my mid-thirties, I'd burned out.

Which is why Dr Jessamy Hibberd's book "The Imposter Cure" spoke to me so much. I recognized myself in the case studies of her clients, and in her descriptions of people who go through life feeling like a fraud on the inside, while performing well on the outside.

Her exploration of the causes of low self-esteem, insecurity, and self-doubt especially struck a chord and took me way back – to the day I came home from school with a report card that boasted a string of A grades and one solitary B.

Dad asked, "What happened here, love?"

I see now that he was probably poking fun at me. He wasn't a stern man. But in that moment, I understood that my results hadn't been good enough. Must do better. Have to work harder. Must achieve 100 percent.

Break the Perfectionist Cycle

The seed of perfectionism was planted. It later grew into a compulsion to overwork as well as to procrastinate, for fear my performance would never match up. Workaholism, perfectionism and procrastination are the killers of joy, creativity and productivity.

For years, these behaviors robbed me of the opportunity to fulfill my potential and to have a balanced and healthy life. My journey also supports Hibberd's conclusion that we can break free from this pernicious cycle and challenge our inner imposter.

My burnout led me to re-evaluate my work and my life. I understood that no amount of external praise was going to fix how I felt or heal the wounds from my childhood (the school report card wasn't the only experience that scarred me). It was an inside job.

And I had to learn to recognize and celebrate my own achievements – to pause before moving on to the next thing. I had to learn to esteem myself and build up my confidence. More than that, I had to become more comfortable with failure and with making mistakes. And, most importantly, I had to slow down and create a more balanced life.

Self-Care, Not Sabotage

There are two big milestones on my journey. The first is my wedding day a year ago. I'd finally managed to stop overworking, to allow space for more fun, self-care, dating – and, ultimately, a committed relationship. I got married at 48 after decades of neglecting my personal life.

The second is the publication of my first book in 2017. In the past, my inner perfectionist would have sabotaged my efforts and I'd still be quibbling over the words. But it's done. It's out there. And readers are loving it.

I'm now writing my second and my third books. And these days, when people ask, I can even call myself a writer without feeling like an imposter. That's huge progress.

Downloading Our "The Imposter Cure" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available in text form or as 15-minute audio downloads.

So, if you're a Mind Tools Premium Club member or corporate user, download or stream our "The Imposter Cure" Book Insight now.

If you haven't already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including 390+ Book Insights. For corporate membership, ask for a demo with one of our team.

Have you experienced Imposter Syndrome? What are your strategies for overcoming it? Join the discussion below!

The post I No Longer Feel Like a Fraud – I'm Not an Imposter! appeared first on Mind Tools.

I'm a recovered serial late-arriver. What was a running joke at university became a serious issue at work. It felt awful: I'd set a dozen alarms with the most horrible ringtone I could find on my phone, but I would always end up late out of bed, skipping breakfast, panicking and snowballing through every task. It felt like the whole universe was working against me. I'd finally fluster out the door however-many minutes late, ashamed and embarrassed, despite what I’d tell myself were my best efforts. Then I'd beat myself up during the car journey, dreading my arrival and the excuse I'd have to give to a room full of rolling eyes.

This might sound familiar. Punctually challenged people are often painfully aware of how their actions harm their relationships, careers and reputations. For me, cutting remarks evolved into a stern talking-to from a manager. But I'm glad. It made me step back and see my toxic habits for what they were.

So, what counts as "late"? In Morocco, you could be "on time" if you show up within two hours of an appointment, or even on the same day. In Switzerland, "on time" is actually considered late. You're expected to be 30 minutes late in Greece. But in the U.S. and U.K. – certainly in business – arriving five to 10 minutes before an appointment is generally considered polite. It shows those around you that you're prepared and efficient.

Consider the Consequences

Some people are always early or "on the dot," while others are late for everything: starting and leaving work, appointments, meetings, parties, trains, pre-booked taxis, flights, lunches, even taking medication. Usually, it's by an infuriating five, 10 or 15 minutes – not so late that they miss the appointment entirely, but late enough to irritate anyone who's been left waiting.

The fact is, people who consistently arrive late appear not only disorganized and unreliable but also rude, unintelligent and inconsiderate. That wasn't the "real me," but my behavior told people otherwise. We all know what it's like to be on the receiving end of such behavior – whether it's coming from a friend, partner, colleague, or the dentist. It tells you that the person thinks their time is more valuable than yours.

Someone like this can be a frustrating presence at work, always causing unnecessary stress and pressure. We've likely all worked with someone who was late to everything – rushing, or worse, breezing in with a coffee cup and sandwich that they clearly stopped for while you were drumming your fingers. Perhaps not showing up at all, or forever missing things and never giving the impression that they actually care.

CareerBuilder's January 2017 survey of more than 2,600 HR managers and 3,400 workers in the U.S. found that 29 percent of employees were late at least once a month. If you're one of them, it could mean saying goodbye to that promotion – the survey revealed that 53 percent of managers expect employees to be on time every day, and that 41 percent have fired someone for being late. In many industries, punctuality is important for the sake of operational efficiency. All of those "five minutes" add up and cost a company money.

Ask Yourself: "Why Am I Late?"

According to the CareerBuilder survey, most lateness is down to traffic (49 percent), oversleeping (32 percent), bad weather (26 percent), being too tired to get out of bed (25 percent), and procrastination (17 percent). But there could be more to it. Are you a dreamer who thinks having a shower, making breakfast, riding the elevator, and checking out of a hotel takes five minutes? Or did you just forget, and it's a case of self-discipline?

There's always the temptation to do "just one more thing" before you leave. But Jeff Conte, a researcher at San Diego State University, found that multitaskers were late to work more often – at least in the small sample that he studied. This is because trying to do everything at once makes it harder to keep track of what you're doing. He also proposed that different personality types actually feel time pass differently. He found that laid-back "type B" personalities perceived a minute to pass in 77 seconds, compared to highly strung "type A" personalities who felt it pass in 58 seconds.

Or perhaps you're a perfectionist. Does a lack of self-esteem and perspective prevent you from finishing a task? Or are you a crisis-maker who loves the thrill of being rushed and needs to learn to act, not react? Could it be a passive-aggressive form of protest? Or your subconscious telling you that you don't really want to be there? Maybe it's down to a more serious underlying problem that needs addressing, such as anxiety or depression. Those suffering from poor mental health have a tendency to avoid triggering situations and to experience low levels of energy and motivation.

Break Your Bad Habits

It's important to identify and tackle the cause of any negative behavior. Ensure you approach the issue in a positive way. Criticizing yourself won't fix the problem, and just wishing to change isn't enough.

But for years that's as far as I got. After countless "wrist slaps," my manager finally pulled me aside and explained in a firm but empathic manner that I was letting myself down. It really hit home. If only I had been able to change my unhelpful thought processes sooner, I could have saved myself the embarrassment.

Some people are just plain thoughtless. But, a lot of the time, it's nothing to do with personality, motivation or intent; it's simply a bad habit that can be fixed with a little effort and attention to your routine. And that's exactly what I did.

7 Top Tips to Avoid Lateness

1. Invest in a watch. Time your daily and weekly routines – you will be surprised at how long it all takes.

2. For every task, think carefully and visualize who you'll help or what you'll gain by being on time. This can counter any drive to rebel against constraints or expectations, or the fear of losing out in some other way.

3. Set alarms and reminders, and limit distractions. Try to schedule appointments to avoid peak times. Booking important meetings for 9 a.m. might seem like a good idea, but it could be a recipe for disaster if you get stuck in traffic. Plan to arrive 10-15 minutes early, and bring a book or podcast to make the most of that bonus time.

4. Don't squeeze in "one more thing" before that appointment. And don't leave little tasks like getting gas or cash until the last minute.

5. Don't arrive too early, either. If others show up on time to find you at the end of a cup of coffee, you risk making them feel anxious.

6. Plan for tomorrow the night before. Prepare breakfast and lunch, lay out your clothes, and pack your bags. Work out how long each task will take by breaking it down into steps, so you don't underestimate it. Add contingencies and buffers.

7. Prioritize sleep. Oversleeping is one of the most common causes of being late. But getting enough sleep is essential to working productively and efficiently.

Positive Steps

Saying sorry is no good if everybody – including you – knows you're just going to do it again next week. You don't need to be the person who arrives five hours early for a flight (like my beloved mom on every childhood holiday, leaving time for all but an extraterrestrial invasion). Overcompensating like this can actually cause you to waste your time. But do aim to be reliable and punctual.

Identify the cause of constant lateness, address it, and take positive steps – or show positive encouragement – to adjust that behavior. Arriving slightly early, or on time, demonstrates that you value your own time and other people's. It also reduces unnecessary stress. When I previously saw my colleagues' respect for me begin to slip, I also noticed their appreciation when I changed my ways. I now have time to collect my thoughts and prepare. And I feel more confident and relaxed about any task I am facing.

Are you always running late? Or, how do you deal with a co-worker who is chronically late? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

The post What Makes You Late? appeared first on Mind Tools.

"Time doesn’t change things. It’s how we use our time that makes the difference."
– Richie Norton, American author

About This Week's Chat

A few years ago, my husband and I visited Victoria Falls, one of the seven natural wonders of the world.

We were there at the end of an excellent rainy season, and the flow rate of the falls was extreme. The mist from the falls could be seen from many miles away, and the waterfall itself was breathtaking.

The river below was a black, swirling, turbulent mass of water, but from the First Gorge (where the falls are), you couldn't see much of the river because of the mist.

The best view was from the Second Gorge, just downstream. But, of course, it's never enough to look at something from far away. We decided to do a tandem gorge swing, so that we could get an unhindered view of the Zambezi River.

To do the gorge swing you're strapped into a harness that fits around your legs and waist, and you jump feet-first from a platform on the side of a cliff, 120 meters above the water. After a 70-meter free fall, the cord bounces a few times, after which you swing from side to side.

Taking the Plunge

As we approached the platform, all kinds of thoughts raced through my head. Should I have phoned my mom first? Is it really necessary to jump from a cliff? Are we stupid, or what?

But all too quickly we were standing in position, and the marshal explained what was going to happen. After he'd checked the cords, he was going to count backwards from five to one and then shout, "Jump!"

Our toes were on the edge of the platform. When I looked down, the river seemed very far below. Again, I wondered if we shouldn't back out. What if the cord snapped?

The marshal triple-checked all the cords and clips, and gave the thumbs-up. It was almost time.

In my mind, he was going to count slowly – a count per second or so. But the full count only lasted for about one and a half seconds, and before we had time to register what was happening, we jumped.

In free fall, everything in your body and mind is confused. Your stomach wants to push through your heart. Your brain doesn't know how to stop what's happening. Your ears hear nothing but rushing wind. And then you stop.

The rope swings from side to side, and you're rewarded with a magical experience. Swinging above the river and its steep rock walls in total silence, you can admire the scene from a place that most people will never see.

Too soon, the rope stopped swinging, and we were winched back up to the platform.

The Psychology of the Countdown

For a long time after this fantastic experience, I thought about the psychology of the countdown.

From the instant you enter the area where they strap you into the harness, they treat you as if jumping is a done deal. You're told how it works, what the safety features are, how you should approach the platform, where not to look (which I, of course, ignored), and how the countdown is going to happen.

If they were to stop at any point and ask you whether you still wanted to jump, or if the marshal were to count too slowly, I'm quite sure that many people would back out.

Every moment of the experience is designed to help you get to the starting line and go, because if you don't go, you won't jump. If you don't jump, you won't swing. And if you don't swing, you won't reap the reward of the experience, and you'll never know how much you've missed.

What Will You Start Today?

During last Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we talked about the things that we've wanted to start for a long time, yet haven't. Here are the questions we asked and some of the responses:

Q1. What are some of the things that you keep meaning to start, yet haven't?

It was interesting to see how many people wanted to start (or restart) doing something creative. It seems we're so busy with the things we must do that we don't get to the things we want to do.

And some of us have more than one list, it seems:

@MarkC_Avgi Umm… besides some of those things on the "honey-do list"? 😉 Considering this is #NaNoWriMo18, there is some writing and my blog that really needs some time and attention!

@DrRossEspinoza It has been about restarting: swimming, writing blogs. And about starting: setting up a business, do a serious Lego play business.

Q2. What tends to stop you from moving ahead and getting going?

@Limha75 Overplanning overplanning overplanning… listing and general knicker-twisting.

@LernChance That really important thing that I need to do first. Or also quite popular: "It‘s not the right time."

@Mphete_Kwetli Freeing my schedule, and lack of motivation to do it. Not knowing exactly my standpoint on when it's the right choice to say no to myself.

Q3. How do your mood/emotions affect whether you start or put off an activity?

Many people shared my view that guilt plays a role: we feel guilty if we're not working, but spending time on a "want to do" activity instead.

@GenePetrovLMC Emotions and mood can definitely be a factor. But I like to remind myself that I have control over those. So I tell myself to get in the mood 🙂 Doesn't always work. In those cases, listening to music or an inspiring podcast can help to clear a negative mood.

@JKatzaman made us smile, but what he said is true: "You can readily talk yourself out of doing anything by not being in the mood."

@JusChas I suffer from anxiety. But I’ve always been a creative person. I visualize much, but lack the energy to act.

Q4. What is your biggest motivator to help get you going?

@BrainBlenderTec An idea, and often it snowballs from there.

@SayItForwardNow I am very motivated by deadlines, especially those that involve a commitment to others!

Q5. What one thing are you willing to start doing TODAY and not a day later?

@s_narmadhaa said, "Getting more sleep." It sounds simple, but many people are sleep-deprived and can't operate according to their potential.

@TwisterKW Downloaded a trial version of software I've been meaning to try and teach myself.

@B2the7 To start taking exercise more seriously and to get into better routines each day. For myself, that morning routine is important for starting the day off right.

Q6. What's your "why"? Why will you start today?

@sittingpretty61 I find this chat helps me to keep and sustain my reasons for taking action. I am grateful for that. Such a gifted and sweet community. [Thanks, Dorrie!]

@ZalkaB There's no better day than today. And then every day. And when you make time and effort to create new micro habits, it all falls into place.

Q7. What can you do to remain focused on your end goal?

@_TomGReid It is mostly a matter of will to meet goals I've set. Once I set them with deadlines, I focus and discipline myself to meet it, if it is in any way within my power. Thus I'm careful with the goals I set. A commitment, even to yourself, reflects your character.

@Irish_IreneB Remember why you started and have that end goal in sight.

Q8. Who will you be accountable to, and how?

@goiuby My community and clients. My wife is OK with any job I have, so I don’t hold my self accountable to her, but my clients depend on me. As does my community that I’m a part of!

@Midgie_MT I will find an accountability friend to send a daily message to, confirming that I have taken those 10 minutes a day.

Q9. How can you reward your "small wins"?

@shruti12d Do things that make you happy. Buy a book. Take time to go for a walk and reflect. Treat yourself to a nice coffee. Reward small steps or wins so you stay encouraged to carry on.

@harrisonia After "swiss-cheesing" my project tasks, I reward myself with a break, sweet treat, or sometimes keep working because I see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Q10. How can you support others who have things on their "want to do" list?

@Yolande_MT Be their biggest cheerleader. You might be the only one they have.

@MicheleDD_MT Lead them through a visioning exercise to paint a picture of what success will look like for them if they start and complete the task.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat.

Coming Up

Some people are great at starting, but they're not so great at finishing. They struggle to persist and persevere until they reach their goals. In our next #MTtalk, we're going to talk about persistence and perseverance. In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know what you find it difficult to persevere with. Please vote in our Twitter poll, here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to what you want to start today, and how to keep going (please note that some of the resources listed below are only available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club):

How Can I Stop Procrastinating?
Are You A Procrastinator?
How to Learn From Your Mistakes
Overcoming Fear of Failure
Overcoming Procrastination Video
Self-Discipline
Helping People Take Responsibility
Motivating Yourself
Amabile and Kramer's Progress Theory
Breaking Bad Habits
Beating Self-Sabotage
Developing Personal Accountability
How to Develop Long-Term Focus

The post What Will You Start Today? – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

There's an age-old Native American story about the battle between the bad wolf and the good wolf inside each of us.

A grandfather tells his grandson that the bad wolf feels sorry for itself. It is also angry, proud, greedy, dishonest, and feels guilty and inferior.

The good wolf, on the other hand, is loving, peaceful, hopeful, joyful, kind, shows empathy, speaks the truth, and has compassion for others.

When the boy wants to know which one wins the battle, the old man wisely answers, "The one you feed."

In his book, "As A Man Thinketh," James Allen wrote, "A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth."

The story of the wolves and the analogy of a person's mind being like a garden have one thing in common: the thinking patterns we choose to cultivate are the ones that will manifest in our lives, whether we want it that way or not.

We all know people who want to lose weight, but who don't adopt healthy eating habits. Or, maybe you'd love to get fit, but always tell yourself that you'll "start on Monday. Or next month."

Maybe you realize that you're damaging your career or your relationships because you don't manage your time well. You know you have to plan better, and then stick to your plan. But some people aren't prepared to put in the "hard yards" to become successful. They know they have to push through the pain of doing what must be done, but, instead, they choose to do what's comfortable.

Preventing Self-Sabotaging Behavior

If there's something in your life that you want to change, why do you do the opposite?

What makes this self-sabotaging behavior even more confusing is that you experience "bad wolf" emotions as a result: you can feel resentful, inferior, self-pitying, sorrowful, regretful, guilty, and maybe even envious of others.

There are many reasons for self-sabotaging, but erroneous belief systems play a significant role. What you believe about yourself and your abilities is like a GPS in your mind that will steer you toward the outcome of your beliefs.

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you need to give your internal GPS new coordinates.

But changing your beliefs about yourself, and about what you think you can attain, is a one-person sport. You, and only you, can change your beliefs. By all means, research and get all the advice that you can, but you are responsible for doing the work.

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last week, we talked about busting self-sabotaging behavior. Here are the questions we asked during the chat, and a selection of the responses.

Q1. In what ways do you self-sabotage?

@Mphete_Kwetli: Never give yourself chance to flourish & challenge your efforts.

@NWarind: By letting fear get into your mind.

Q2. How might you self-sabotage when it comes to controlling your time?

Chances are, we could all improve our time management skills a little. For example, we could be better at minimizing distractions or at beating procrastination.

@WonderPix: Sometimes, "shiny object syndrome" takes over and keeps us from doing things we need to do.

@70mq: Spending too much time on one thing. A good break helps so much.

@smrtang: Doing a bunch of little non-priority tasks before attacking the big one.

@GenePetrovLMC: Scheduling way too many things. Even when I know I can’t possibly fit them all in.

Q3. What are some of the tasks or decisions you typically procrastinate over?

@Ryan5977: Tasks that lack clarity, perhaps when the value in them is not clear.

@MicheleDD_MT: I put off having a difficult conversation with someone when I know that the person will get defensive or angry.

@JoynicoleM: That which is uncomfortable, unexpected, unknown. Sadly, you spend more energy in the self-talk than you do just getting it done.

Q4. What excuses do you make that prevent you from doing tasks?

We saw the two best labor-saving devices ever invented – "later" and "tomorrow" – rear their ugly heads. There were some other interesting excuses, too.

@PG_pmp: Brick wall within self that stops me from going ahead & starts giving me excuses.

@BrainBlenderTec: I'm out of time or they aren't due yet.

@TwisterKW: There will be a better time. I don't want to disturb Person X. I'll give them one more day to get back to me. Let me look this over one more time before submitting this draft.

Q5. What causes your self-sabotaging behavior? How do you know?

@JKatzaman: Getting comfortable helps you self-sabotage, especially if there are no immediate repercussions for inaction.

@SaifuRizvi: We don't love what we do, and lack of commitment becomes a reason behind our self-sabotaging behavior.

Q6. What emotions do you experience when you procrastinate, or when you insist on doing everything yourself?

@harrisonia: After procrastinating, I initially feel relief for the brief reprieve, but later I feel the downward spiral of regret.

@bre_mtb: When I procrastinate and don't ask for help when it's clearly needed, I experience feeling trapped and stagnant since I can't get past that project. I need to remind myself, "You grow, girl!"

Q7. What would motivate you to stop self-sabotaging?

@KobusNeethInst: If you realize how much self-sabotaging hurts your creativity and creative thinking ability, you'd stop doing it NOW.

@JusChas: I think accepting the fact that it is normal to be imperfect. That obsession with perfection will be the death of you if you allow it.

Q8. Which beliefs do you need to change to help you to stop self-sabotaging?

@sittingpretty61: Fear of failure and knowing that I can do it, if I stress finding the solution rather than just a preliminary answer. I can't find handicap parking when I go to aquatics, now what? Use disabled transportation!

@jeremypmurphy: The false negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Q9. What practical steps could you take to reduce those behaviors?

@Yolande_MT: To stop self-sabotaging, you need to practice your willpower and your "won't power." Say yes to what serves you, say no to what doesn't serve you.

@SailorsBen: Simply make the choice to do things that scare me and see them through. Rarely is anything as difficult as we thought once we start and and ask for the insights, wisdom, and knowledge of those who have also walked that path.

Q10. In what ways might your changed behavior improve your relationships at work, at home, and with yourself?

@JKatzaman: When you stop self-sabotaging, you'll look on family, friends and coworkers more kindly, with a whole lot of tension removed.

@PG_pmp: People start sharing moments, empower each other, appreciate each other's strength.

To read all the tweets, see the Storify summary, here.

Coming Up...

Choosing not to see things that we know are there is a very dangerous form of self-sabotage. Margaret Heffernan, the author of "Wilful Blindness," says that the biggest threats are the ones that we don't see: not because they're hidden, but because we choose not to see them.

The topic for our next #MTtalk chat, on March 30, is "The Dangers of Willful Blindness." What kind of willful blindness have you experienced in the workplace? What do people most often choose not to see? Click here to cast your vote.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources that will help you to learn more about busting self-sabotaging behavior:

• Beating Self-Sabotage
• How Self-Motivated Are You?
• Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
• How Productive Are You?
• How to Be Conscientious
• How to Stop Procrastinating
• Successful Delegation

Mind Tools Club members can also access the full versions of the following articles:

• Self-Discipline
• Self-Mastery
• Developing Self-Awareness
• Self-Determination Theory
• Coach Yourself to Success
• Perfectionism
• The Power of Good Habits
• Motivating Yourself
• Breaking Bad Habits
• Valuing Your Time

The post Busting Self-Sabotaging Behavior – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.