allyship Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tag/allyship/ Mind Tools Wed, 28 Jun 2023 14:08:25 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 5 Ways to Support Your LGBTQ+ Colleagues https://www.mindtools.com/blog/5-ways-to-support-your-lgbtq-colleagues/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/5-ways-to-support-your-lgbtq-colleagues/#respond Thu, 08 Jun 2023 08:13:30 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=26936 One of the few spaces that can have real impact in improving LGBTQ+ equality is the workplace. But it takes effort; and it's not only up to our LGBTQ+ colleagues. It's up to the rest of us, too.

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Note: a version of this blog first appeared in 2019. We have since updated it to bring you the best tips!

June marks Pride Month for the U.K., U.S. and Australia. And yet, despite progress and increased public support for LGBTQ+ equality in recent times, many people who belong to the community are still discriminated against, in the workplace and outside of it.

In fact, according to data collected by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, 46 percent of people are still closeted at work. Some of the main reasons for this are fear of being stereotyped (38 percent), worries over making others feel uncomfortable (36 percent), and concerns about losing friends (31 percent).

In many territories across the world, being or behaving in a way that implies you're LGBTQ+ can still have severe consequences. In fact, 71 countries still criminalize same-sex relationships, with eight countries even using the death penalty as a punishment. And in more than half of the world, LGBTQ+ people are not protected from discrimination by workplace law.

LGBTQ+ Equality and the Workplace

One of the few spaces that can have real impact in improving LGBTQ+ equality is the workplace. And unsurprisingly, being an LGBTQ+ inclusive employer is great for business too. It "positively impacts recruitment, retention, engagement and, overall, total revenue" according to the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. But it takes effort – and it's not only up to LGBTQ+ colleagues to change the workplace culture. It's up to the rest of us, too.

Often – far too often – we tend to tell ourselves, "What can I do?" or, "It's none of my business." We might think we're too ignorant or out of the loop to really understand the things that impact our LGBTQ+ colleagues. We might be worried that we'll make a mistake and cause offense, without intending to. We might even think that the war for equality has been won, now that same-sex marriage is legal (in some territories), and other rights activists are openly doing more to achieve equality in legislation.

But allies to the community are key to long-term transformation. This is particularly the case in workplaces, where co-workers and supervisors can use their influence to change mindsets, call out negative stereotyping and discrimination, and celebrate the uniqueness and diversity of colleagues.

Being an Ally to LGBTQ+ Colleagues

You don't have to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community to support it. It's not even difficult to do. It takes respect, and the ability to listen (properly listen without interrupting) and learn.

So, if you want to show your support but aren't sure how to do it, here are a few things you can do to become a true ally to your LGBTQ+ colleagues:

1. Learn About LGBTQ+ Life

Pride Month is a great opportunity to learn! So why not take some time to discover the story behind how Pride started? Or learn more about some of the key figures who changed the course of LGBTQ+ history?

Brush up on terms, too. We use the term LGBTQ+ frequently, but do you actually know what it stands for? LGBTQ+ is an initialism for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer, while the "plus" includes other sexualities and identities, such as pansexual, intersex and asexual. While the term is relatively new, remember that LGBTQ+ people have always existed – from way before this term became popular!

Over the years, Pride has become much more diverse to encompass many different sexualities and identities, some of which are still not fully understood. This can at times feel confusing (there's a lot to learn!). To help out, we've produced a handy infographic that includes some of the different Pride flags and what they represent:

An infographic showing various Pride flags and what groups they represent.

It's also important to remember that the LGBTQ+ community itself differs in opinions and beliefs, sometimes widely and strongly. Be open and respectful to these varied opinions. As long as they're not hurtful or abusive, they can tell you a lot about the unique perspectives of the LGBTQ+ community and the issues facing it.

2. Avoid Assumptions

Unless a colleague specifically mentions their sexual orientation, it's unprofessional and inconsiderate to make assumptions. After all, you may be wrong. There's no way of knowing whether someone is LGBTQ+ without asking them. Assuming that you have "gaydar" can actually perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

Even if you know that one of your colleagues is LGBTQ+, it's important to let them decide if and when they want to let others know. They may be very private. Keep in mind that they need to make this decision repeatedly – whenever they start a new job or meet new people.

Avoid putting your LGBTQ+ colleagues in the uncomfortable position of speaking for the whole group. Just because your colleague is transgender doesn't mean that they want to talk about transgender issues all the time, or that they're some kind of spokesperson for the transgender community.

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3. Use Inclusive Language

Use language that recognizes that people have diverse lifestyles, relationships and families. For example, instead of asking about someone's "husband" or "wife," you could ask about their "partner." Or instead of "mom" and "dad," say "parent."

If you still aren't sure what terms you should be using, ask! This is a sign of respect and an easy way to demonstrate your support for LGBTQ+ colleagues.

No matter how well-intentioned you are, chances are you've used gendered words in the workplace. But using non-inclusive words regularly can have a negative impact on people who already feel that they don't fit in to what's perceived to be the "norm."

Just think about the following phrases:

  • guys and gals.
  • ladies and gentlemen.
  • brothers and sisters.
  • sir/madam.
  • he/she.

The above are gender assumptive. They only recognize two main genders, but the truth is that some people don't belong to either. They might be gender fluid or non-binary. So try using more inclusive language instead, such as:

  • friends and colleagues.
  • esteemed guests.
  • they/them.
  • everyone.

4. Be Respectful of Pronouns

Ask my pronouns written on board on top of pride flag.
© GettyImages/Anastasiia Yanishevska

The pronouns that we use (he or she or they) are tied intrinsically to our identity. So it's important that we get these right – particularly when it comes to our colleagues.

Some people may be trans; others may be gender neutral. And yet, far too often people assume pronouns for other people. Often this is reflexive, but getting it wrong can cause people upset (even if it's unintentional). So, if you're unsure, ask someone, "What's your personal pronoun?" This is an open, low-pressure question that allows someone who's in the process of transitioning or has already transitioned to affirm their identity.

You can also do your bit by updating your own pronouns in visible spaces – for example, on social media profiles, or on internal communication platforms, via your IM profile and email signature. Doing this supports trans and non-binary people by normalizing gender identity and expression.

5. Tackle Discrimination and Harassment

Intolerance in the workplace can take the form of overt abuse or microaggressions. Obviously, overt abuse and harassment have no place in the workplace, and a zero-tolerance approach should be taken.

Pinpointing and dealing with microaggressions can be more tricky. According to professor of psychology Dr Kevin L. Nadal, microaggressions are "commonplace verbal, behavioral, or environmental actions that communicate hostility toward oppressed or targeted groups."

They might seem like small things; but, over time, they can have a serious impact on a person's physical and mental wellbeing. Furthermore, ignoring them can serve to perpetuate inequality and undermine inclusion.

Common examples of microaggressions are things like, "You don't look gay," or, "How did you turn gay?" They can also include misgendering, tokenization, failure to acknowledge LGBTQ+ relationships, or exclusion from social groups.

When perpetrators are called out on their behavior, they might qualify it with things like, "You're being oversensitive," or, "I was just joking." This can make it tricky to tackle this kind of behavior. Dr Nadal suggests victims or witnesses ask themselves five questions to help them decide how to respond:

  • If I respond, could my physical safety be in danger?
  • If I respond, will the person become defensive, and will this lead to an argument?
  • If I respond, how will this affect my relationship with this person?
  • If I don't respond, will I regret not saying something?
  • If I don't respond, does that convey that I accept the behavior or statement?

If you do decide to take action, respond assertively rather than aggressively. Calmly talk to the person about how their words and behavior have affected you. Use "I" statements such as, "I think what you just said was very hurtful," instead of attacking statements like, "You're homophobic," which will likely cause the person to become defensive.

Finally, seek support! If you feel that microaggressions are constant and persistent, even when you've done your best to address them, you may need to make a formal complaint to HR. Also, talk to your allies – people who you know to be trustworthy and who will listen to you without judgment. Share with them the emotional impact of the situation and how it's affected you. This can be crucial in allowing you to work through negative feelings that the microaggression has caused, such as low self-confidence or self-worth, anger, and even depression.

Do you know of more ways we can support our LGBTQ+ co-workers? What do you expect from a good ally? You might be interested in the following resources:

Diversity at Work Video
Mutual Respect
Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace
The Diversity Bonus: How Great Teams Pay Off in the Knowledge Economy
Understanding the Bystander Effect


Lucy Bishop

About the Author:

Lucy has over 10 years’ experience writing, editing and commissioning content. She has a keen interest in supporting inclusion and diversity, and chairs Mind Tools' neurodiversity panel. Lucy also heads up Mind Tools’ video learning series, and particularly enjoys exploring and experimenting with new video formats. When she’s not producing fantastic new learning content, she can be found enjoying nature with her two kids and delving into the latest book on her very long reading list!

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"I'm Not More or Less: I Just Am" – Emily Ladau on Disability https://www.mindtools.com/blog/not-more-or-less-just-am-emily-ladau-disability/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/not-more-or-less-just-am-emily-ladau-disability/#respond Thu, 02 Mar 2023 11:50:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/?p=37021 "Systemic ableism is shutting people out because we're not actively thinking." Allies can change that, person by person, moment by moment.

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I recently spoke with the disability rights advocate Emily Ladau for a Mind Tools Expert Interview, and she opened my eyes to the ableism that is all around us.

Only the other day I was on a busy train, with very few spare seats. One couple had a surprising amount of space, occupying a table for four, with their bags spread around them. I watched as passenger after passenger walked past that table, their eyes flicking away, rather than asking the pair to move their things.

And, this time, I wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that the man had dwarfism. Could this really be why no one sat with them?

Disability in an Ableist World

Some ableism is systemic, like a lack of accessible infrastructure in schools, offices and transportation hubs. It can also be internalized.

We may talk over a neurodivergent colleague, mistaking a pause for the end of her point. Or avoid someone who looks different on a train, as I witnessed.

According to Ladau, this is about our perception of disability and disabled people – sometimes as superhuman, more commonly as subhuman. But we can change that.

Here’s what she told me, in our interview. (You can stream the audio clip below or download a transcript here.)

To explore these ideas, I’d recommend reading Emily Ladau’s book, "Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to be an Ally." It’s a clear, nonjudgmental guide to helping make the world a more accessible and inclusive place.

The idea of "allyship" is central to this goal, but what does that really mean?

Emily Ladau's book cover design, comprising a central square panel with the title and subtitle surrounded by about 50 small brightly colored quirky cartoon illustrations of people of all races, genders, ages, and disabilities greeting and chatting, and using a variety of assistance animals and equipment - including Emily herself in her powered chair.
"Demystifying Disability" book cover design

How (Not) to Be a Disability Ally

"We can very easily fall into the trap of looking at it as a title that we give ourselves," Ladau notes. "But… it’s really about taking meaningful action."

In fact, she suggests that we think of the word "ally" as a verb, not a noun, because it’s about doing things, not just talking about it. We should actively educate ourselves, with an open mind, and learn about experiences beyond our own.

Part of that is recognizing that every disabled person is an individual, with a host of different characteristics and support needs. Or, in Ladau’s words, "If you’ve met one disabled person, you’ve met one disabled person."

It's Not About You

If we don’t focus on the individual, we can make all sorts of wrong assumptions that can end up causing problems. We might think we’re being an ally by steering a blind person across a road, or pushing someone’s wheelchair up a slope. But if we’d just asked that person, we might have discovered they didn’t want that. And they may have needed something else. 

So the action allies take must be collaborative, not well-meaning gestures they impose on a person or group. As Ladau points out, doing something for disabled people and working with them are two very different things.  

"In one, you are essentially erasing the very person who you’re claiming to advocate for, whereas when you’re doing things side by side, what you’re doing is you’re amplifying the perspective of the person who you’re trying to be an ally to. And I think it’s essential to recognize that difference."

It’s a mindset shift that can only happen through open conversation. 

Disability Inclusion or Exclusion?

As someone who "navigates the world on wheels," as she puts it, Ladau has had a lifetime of dealing with ableism. I’m still thinking about a particular example from her book – it encapsulates a lot of the issues she’s working to change...

When Ladau was at college, a resident assistant in her dorm was running a disability awareness event. Did this person invite Ladau along to talk with participants about her life on wheels? No. Instead, they asked to borrow Ladau’s wheelchair, so that participants could use it to go around an obstacle course they’d set up in the lounge. 

What was Ladau supposed to do while her expensive mobility equipment – her only means of getting about – was being used like a toy? She declined the request, saddened by this missed opportunity to engage with and educate nondisabled people about her experiences, herself. 

“I remember feeling like less of a person in that moment,” Ladau writes.

"I remember feeling like less of a person in that moment."

Ableism makes people feel like that, as well as causing numerous practical and logistical problems for disabled people as they go about their day-to-day lives. Allies can help change that, person by person, moment by moment. 

Beyond the Infrastructure 

In the workplace, managers can be allies by “creating an environment where people feel safe and welcome to show up as their whole selves at work and to be open about their disability experiences... giving people the space to speak up for what they need to thrive.”

But Ladau concludes, "I want people to understand that allyship is very much a journey and not a destination. 

"You can listen to a podcast episode, you can read an article, you can watch a documentary, you can attend a webinar or have a conversation with a disabled person. But that doesn’t mean that you stop there.  

"My best advice is to keep learning, to keep going, to seek out new resources and new ways to learn and new ways to engage."

The Full Story

You can listen to my full 30-minute interview with Emily Ladau if you're a Mind Tools Club member, or a Mind Tools for Business licensee. You'll hear about her time on iconic children's TV show "Sesame Street" and how being disabled cuts across all other identities. As ever, the audio comes with a full transcript.

If you're not already signed up, join the Mind Tools Club now to gain unlimited access to 2,400+ resources, including our back catalog of 200+ Expert Interviews. Or find out more about Mind Tools for whole organizations, big or small, by contacting our enterprise team.

Meanwhile, catch more excerpts and insights from my guests by searching the Expert Interview blog topic and by signing up to the new Mind Tools Expert Voices podcast.

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How to Be a (Real) Anti-Racist Ally https://www.mindtools.com/blog/real-anti-racist-ally/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/real-anti-racist-ally/#respond Thu, 20 Oct 2022 11:56:34 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=33631 Anti-racism is not about being non-racist. It's about actively combating racism. We explore some strategies to help you actively fight racism

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In a recent blog, we recommended four books to help you to learn about Black history and experiences. But positive change depends on action, and this year's theme for Black History Month U.K. is "change not words." So we need to do more than read to become anti-racist.

Anti-racism is about more than just being non-racist. It's about actively combating racism. This can seem daunting, but there are lots of things you can do. Here, we explore some strategies to help you actively fight racism.

Avoid Performative Allyship

Have you ever seen a viral video of someone doing something superficially generous for a homeless person? Or maybe you've seen a sad LinkedIn post from a manager, upset because they've had to let some of their workforce go? You've almost certainly seen people change their social media profile pictures or post supportive messages to causes they believe in, like posting a black square in 2020.

These could all be considered examples of performative allyship, where support for someone or something is "performed," rather than being something actually helpful. And while these actions sometimes do help the marginalized person or community, the main purpose is to make the ally look or feel good.

Author Nova Reid highlights why not all acts of allyship are authentic. She says, "There's an impulsive desire to fix, to be the hero of the story, to swoop in and rescue and, for some, it also comes from a place of superiority and/or a desire to be forgiven."

So if you're thinking of all the ways you can demonstrate good allyship for social media likes, think again. Being anti-racist is not a TikTok trend. Instead, in Nova's words, "A good ally is a person who advocates and works alongside the Black community, who uplifts communities for a shared common goal."

RESIST Racism

The "RESIST method" highlights steps that you can take to play your part. Its creator, Claudia Crawley, a Black career coach and anti-racist consultant, explains how to apply it:

"Recognize. Racism exists. Recognizing and acknowledging this is the first step in the anti-racist fight.
Educate. Educate yourself. There are lots of books, videos and articles out there to get you going and keep you busy learning. Then, educate others – family, friends, and co-workers.  
Support. Amplify Black and Brown voices where you can, and support other allies, too. Remember that you too need support. So get support for yourself from fellow allies. It’s a tough struggle and it’s impossible to take it on alone without support. 
Interrupt. If you see racist behavior, interrupt it! Interrupt your own behavior too if you're called out for expressing unconscious bias, prejudice or microaggressions. This means accepting when you screw up, apologizing and seeking to learn from the experience. 
Spot. Look around and notice who is in your workplace. At what levels are they based? Is the entirety of your leadership team White? Speak out if it's not right! 
Talk. Have discussions with your friends, family and co-workers about racism. Normalize talks about racism and anti-racism in the workplace Talk to organizations that are doing things well and learn from them. Talk to your children too and take the taboo out of racism as a topic. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!"

How to Interrupt Racism

Racism doesn't always look like a violent attack. Often, it comes in the form of everyday microaggressions.

Failing to bother to learn how to pronounce someone's name, comparing two Black people that look nothing alike, or touching a Black person's hair are all common examples. Individually, they may not seem like a big deal, but over time they wear a person down – like drip torture. So it's important that we do all we can to stop and correct this behavior whenever we see it.

It can be nerve-wracking to interrupt microaggressions, but there are ways you can help to safely defuse the situation.

In many cases, the person committing a microaggression may not be aware that they're causing harm. It's important to approach gently and with an open mind. Attempting to reproach them could only make things worse if they become defensive.

To keep everyone safe, respond to the situation calmly – don't try to scold or fight off the aggressor. Instead, engage the victim. Talk to them and ignore the attacker. Continue the conversation until the attacker gives up and leaves. Then, check that the victim is OK and offer to escort them to a safe space. 

Get Your Workplace Involved!

Dismantling racism needs to be treated like any other strategic imperative or transformational change.

“Businesses are run on this fundamental formula: define your strategy, set specific goals with clear accountabilities, and then tie rewards to successful outcomes. Creating a racially equitable culture is no different,” say Margaret H. Greenberg and Gina Greenlee, coauthors of "The Business of Race: How to Create and Sustain an Anti-racist Workplace AND Why It’s Actually Good for Business."

Margaret H. Greenberg, who identifies as White, and Gina Greenlee, who identifies as Black, interviewed more than two-dozen leaders from a wide range of industries, roles, races, and ethnicities for The Business of Race. The need for a strategy that is core to the business was stressed again and again. “This is not an HR initiative or a check-off-the-box exercise,” say Greenberg and Greenlee. “No matter your company size, no matter if you have dedicated DEI professionals, no matter your industry – you need a strategy.”

Managers and leaders play a key role in tackling institutional racism. Here are a few suggestions for how to make a positive change in your organization and start building your strategy:

  • Don’t just be a mentor, be a sponsor. (“Sponsorship is different from mentorship,” say Greenberg and Greenlee. “The sponsor actively advocates for the employee of color and seeks out growth and advancement opportunities for them. Rather than pair by age or gender as mentorships are often structured, sponsorships pair senior executives, who are still most often White, with BIPOC employees whom they want to develop into more senior leadership roles.”)
  • Ensure that all images and language used in job ads and collateral material are inclusive. And rather than hiring for "cultural fit," create diverse recruitment panels and consider "blind" interviews.
  • Review your suppliers. How are they diverse?
  • Be involved at diversity and inclusion events.
  • Provide transparency around any racial and ethnicity pay gaps, and how you will address these.
  • Set up sponsorship and/or mentoring, or employee resource groups for underrepresented people.
  • Respond to allegations of racism promptly and seriously.
  • Ask an inclusion expert for advice if you don't have enough internal expertise.

By combining learning and action, we can come together to make positive change. Learn more in our Racism in the Workplace blogs: Our First Conversation and No Laughing Matter

Have an Open Mind, But Pick Your Battles

I spoke to Katrina Bath, Junior User Researcher at Emerald Group, and she was willing to share her feelings on the subject. Katrina said, "From personal experience, I've found that denying someone their opinion usually escalates the disagreement, so I think we need to be able to hear those people out.

"Be mindful that everyone still has a right to an opinion. Change and eradicating century-old mindsets take time. And make sure that you're respectful even if the other person isn't. We don't need to sink to anyone's lower level."

However, sometimes you have to know when to walk away. Try as you might, there will always be some people who refuse to accept that their behavior is offensive or damaging.

Katrina has experienced this too, adding, "I often find that people on the receiving end of racism are the ones who have to be more tolerant of unreasonable views, but why should we have to just stand there and listen? I recently experienced a similar situation and I found it very upsetting and tiring as not everyone is open to being educated.

"Sometimes, facing heated situations with determination to correct the other person might have the opposite effect, which could result in a dangerous situation," Katrina warns. "In these instances, it's more important to put your own safety first."

"Not everyone is going to change their mindset. That's a loss for us, but it's inevitable. Instead, we should focus on getting through to the people who do want to listen. If the majority of people understand that racism is wrong then the minority of people who are racist won't have a platform or opportunities to harass people."

What strategies has your workplace implemented to combat institutional racism? What are you doing to be an anti-racist ally? Tell us in the comments below!


With thanks to Claudia Crawley for permission to use the RESIST method, and for kindly reviewing this blog. And thanks to Margaret H. Greenberg and Gina Greenlee, for sharing their insights and also reviewing this blog.

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