June marks Pride Month for the U.K., U.S. and Australia. And yet, despite progress and increased public support for LGBTQ+ equality in recent times, many people who belong to the community are still discriminated against, in the workplace and outside of it.

In fact, according to data collected by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, 46 percent of people are still closeted at work. Some of the main reasons for this are fear of being stereotyped (38 percent), worries over making others feel uncomfortable (36 percent), and concerns about losing friends (31 percent).

In many territories across the world, being or behaving in a way that implies you're LGBTQ+ can still have severe consequences. In fact, 71 countries still criminalize same-sex relationships, with eight countries even using the death penalty as a punishment. And in more than half of the world, LGBTQ+ people are not protected from discrimination by workplace law.

LGBTQ+ Equality and the Workplace

One of the few spaces that can have real impact in improving LGBTQ+ equality is the workplace. And unsurprisingly, being an LGBTQ+ inclusive employer is great for business too. It "positively impacts recruitment, retention, engagement and, overall, total revenue" according to the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. But it takes effort – and it's not only up to LGBTQ+ colleagues to change the workplace culture. It's up to the rest of us, too.

Often – far too often – we tend to tell ourselves, "What can I do?" or, "It's none of my business." We might think we're too ignorant or out of the loop to really understand the things that impact our LGBTQ+ colleagues. We might be worried that we'll make a mistake and cause offense, without intending to. We might even think that the war for equality has been won, now that same-sex marriage is legal (in some territories), and other rights activists are openly doing more to achieve equality in legislation.

But allies to the community are key to long-term transformation. This is particularly the case in workplaces, where co-workers and supervisors can use their influence to change mindsets, call out negative stereotyping and discrimination, and celebrate the uniqueness and diversity of colleagues.

Being an Ally to LGBTQ+ Colleagues

You don't have to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community to support it. It's not even difficult to do. It takes respect, and the ability to listen (properly listen without interrupting) and learn.

So, if you want to show your support but aren't sure how to do it, here are a few things you can do to become a true ally to your LGBTQ+ colleagues:

1. Learn About LGBTQ+ Life

Pride Month is a great opportunity to learn! So why not take some time to discover the story behind how Pride started? Or learn more about some of the key figures who changed the course of LGBTQ+ history?

Brush up on terms, too. We use the term LGBTQ+ frequently, but do you actually know what it stands for? LGBTQ+ is an initialism for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer, while the "plus" includes other sexualities and identities, such as pansexual, intersex and asexual. While the term is relatively new, remember that LGBTQ+ people have always existed – from way before this term became popular!

Over the years, Pride has become much more diverse to encompass many different sexualities and identities, some of which are still not fully understood. This can at times feel confusing (there's a lot to learn!). To help out, we've produced a handy infographic that includes some of the different Pride flags and what they represent:

It's also important to remember that the LGBTQ+ community itself differs in opinions and beliefs, sometimes widely and strongly. Be open and respectful to these varied opinions. As long as they're not hurtful or abusive, they can tell you a lot about the unique perspectives of the LGBTQ+ community and the issues facing it.

2. Avoid Assumptions

Unless a colleague specifically mentions their sexual orientation, it's unprofessional and inconsiderate to make assumptions. After all, you may be wrong. There's no way of knowing whether someone is LGBTQ+ without asking them. Assuming that you have "gaydar" can actually perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

Even if you know that one of your colleagues is LGBTQ+, it's important to let them decide if and when they want to let others know. They may be very private. Keep in mind that they need to make this decision repeatedly – whenever they start a new job or meet new people.

Avoid putting your LGBTQ+ colleagues in the uncomfortable position of speaking for the whole group. Just because your colleague is transgender doesn't mean that they want to talk about transgender issues all the time, or that they're some kind of spokesperson for the transgender community.

3. Use Inclusive Language

Use language that recognizes that people have diverse lifestyles, relationships and families. For example, instead of asking about someone's "husband" or "wife," you could ask about their "partner." Or instead of "mom" and "dad," say "parent."

If you still aren't sure what terms you should be using, ask! This is a sign of respect and an easy way to demonstrate your support for LGBTQ+ colleagues.

No matter how well-intentioned you are, chances are you've used gendered words in the workplace. But using non-inclusive words regularly can have a negative impact on people who already feel that they don't fit in to what's perceived to be the "norm."

Just think about the following phrases:

• guys and gals.
• ladies and gentlemen.
• brothers and sisters.
• sir/madam.
• he/she.

The above are gender assumptive. They only recognize two main genders, but the truth is that some people don't belong to either. They might be gender fluid or non-binary. So try using more inclusive language instead, such as:

• friends and colleagues.
• esteemed guests.
• they/them.
• everyone.

4. Be Respectful of Pronouns

The pronouns that we use (he or she or they) are tied intrinsically to our identity. So it's important that we get these right – particularly when it comes to our colleagues.

Some people may be trans; others may be gender neutral. And yet, far too often people assume pronouns for other people. Often this is reflexive, but getting it wrong can cause people upset (even if it's unintentional). So, if you're unsure, ask someone, "What's your personal pronoun?" This is an open, low-pressure question that allows someone who's in the process of transitioning or has already transitioned to affirm their identity.

You can also do your bit by updating your own pronouns in visible spaces – for example, on social media profiles, or on internal communication platforms, via your IM profile and email signature. Doing this supports trans and non-binary people by normalizing gender identity and expression.

5. Tackle Discrimination and Harassment

Intolerance in the workplace can take the form of overt abuse or microaggressions. Obviously, overt abuse and harassment have no place in the workplace, and a zero-tolerance approach should be taken.

Pinpointing and dealing with microaggressions can be more tricky. According to professor of psychology Dr Kevin L. Nadal, microaggressions are "commonplace verbal, behavioral, or environmental actions that communicate hostility toward oppressed or targeted groups."

They might seem like small things; but, over time, they can have a serious impact on a person's physical and mental wellbeing. Furthermore, ignoring them can serve to perpetuate inequality and undermine inclusion.

Common examples of microaggressions are things like, "You don't look gay," or, "How did you turn gay?" They can also include misgendering, tokenization, failure to acknowledge LGBTQ+ relationships, or exclusion from social groups.

When perpetrators are called out on their behavior, they might qualify it with things like, "You're being oversensitive," or, "I was just joking." This can make it tricky to tackle this kind of behavior. Dr Nadal suggests victims or witnesses ask themselves five questions to help them decide how to respond:

• If I respond, could my physical safety be in danger?
• If I respond, will the person become defensive, and will this lead to an argument?
• If I respond, how will this affect my relationship with this person?
• If I don't respond, will I regret not saying something?
• If I don't respond, does that convey that I accept the behavior or statement?

If you do decide to take action, respond assertively rather than aggressively. Calmly talk to the person about how their words and behavior have affected you. Use "I" statements such as, "I think what you just said was very hurtful," instead of attacking statements like, "You're homophobic," which will likely cause the person to become defensive.

Finally, seek support! If you feel that microaggressions are constant and persistent, even when you've done your best to address them, you may need to make a formal complaint to HR. Also, talk to your allies – people who you know to be trustworthy and who will listen to you without judgment. Share with them the emotional impact of the situation and how it's affected you. This can be crucial in allowing you to work through negative feelings that the microaggression has caused, such as low self-confidence or self-worth, anger, and even depression.

Do you know of more ways we can support our LGBTQ+ co-workers? What do you expect from a good ally? You might be interested in the following resources:

Diversity at Work Video
Mutual Respect
Toxic: A Guide to Rebuilding Respect and Tolerance in a Hostile Workplace
The Diversity Bonus: How Great Teams Pay Off in the Knowledge Economy
Understanding the Bystander Effect

About the Author:

Lucy has over 10 years’ experience writing, editing and commissioning content. She has a keen interest in supporting inclusion and diversity, and chairs Mind Tools' neurodiversity panel. Lucy also heads up Mind Tools’ video learning series, and particularly enjoys exploring and experimenting with new video formats. When she’s not producing fantastic new learning content, she can be found enjoying nature with her two kids and delving into the latest book on her very long reading list!

The post 5 Ways to Support Your LGBTQ+ Colleagues appeared first on Mind Tools.

One such time, when I was young (16 or 17), I saw a local shopkeeper getting harassed by a group of three young girls. I knew the shopkeeper... had often bought sweets from her shop on my way home from school. I didn't know what to do. The shopkeeper was trying to push these bullies out of the shop, and they were pushing and shoving the door right back. They were shouting and screaming at her. I was driving past in my car at the time. One voice in my head said "Get out and help her." The other (the winning voice as it turned out) said "What if you get hurt? Go find more help first."

So I raced home, got my mum and we went back to check on her together. Luckily, she was OK. But I distinctly remember the shopkeeper saying to me, "Why didn't you get out and help me?"

Truth be told, I should have. But I was scared and I panicked. I wish I'd been more brave, but my courage failed me. And I honestly still regret my decision to this day.

From Passive Bystander to Active Bystander

It can be hard to find the courage to intervene in situations like this. And, of course, if you do feel it's a situation that might be dangerous, the right decision is to go find extra help. But, I think the biggest learning I found from being a helpless (and as it turned out passive) bystander, was how I wished I could go back and be an active one... even if it did mean inserting myself into the fight. Why? Because it was the right thing to do.

What also would have been helpful to me back then was knowing how to intervene... what was the right way to approach a situation like this? What should I have done?

In our video, The 4Ds of Bystander Intervention, we talk about how to tackle tricky situations like these at work. Situations where you feel like you need to intervene to protect someone. It could be a colleague who keeps getting ignored in meetings, for example, being talked over, or even being bullied.

In the video, we describe four key ways you can intervene in situations like this and go from being a passive bystander to an active one.

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Speaking out at work about the things you find systemically wrong can be really hard, and something that needs to be navigated carefully. Lack of progression for women, people who are disabled, or people who belong to a specific ethnic group, for example, is still a significant problem. Often, we might find ourselves feeling helpless to overcome these kinds of problems. But there are some things we can do to challenge things in a progressive and positive way.

We talk a lot about equality and equity in the workplace, and yet there are still glass ceilings imposed at work, for seemingly no other reason than "that's just the way things are." These barriers prevent marginalized people from getting the opportunities they deserve.

In our short video, Breaking the Glass Ceiling, we provide some great advice for employees and employers that can help them to tackle bias like this at work, and develop a culture that improves equity for all.

Avoiding Cognitive Bias

Finally, underpinning much of what we've talked about today is bias. Much has said been said in recent years about "unconscious bias," and whether it really is something we have or not. And, more importantly, whether there's anything we can really do about it. The truth is we do all have biases, whether they are unconscious or not – and they're often rooted in our values, our personal experiences, and our relationships.

They can cause us to miss or ignore certain things to get our own way, or to make snap decisions without really considering all points of view. Inevitably, this can cause us to make some pretty poor decisions. But there are some things we can do to test our biases and overcome them.

In our video on Cognitive Bias, we explore five different types of bias that we may experience, and discover what we can do to challenge and overcome them.

About the Author:

Lucy has over 10 years’ experience writing, editing and commissioning content. She has a keen interest in supporting inclusion and diversity, and facilitates Mind Tools' neurodiversity panel. Lucy also heads up Mind Tools’ video learning series, and particularly enjoys exploring and experimenting with new video formats. When she’s not producing fantastic new learning content, she can be found enjoying nature with her two kids and delving into the latest book on her very long reading list!

The post 3 Tools for Speaking Out at Work – All NEW Empowerment Videos appeared first on Mind Tools.

The question took me by surprise. I'd never really discussed my salary before, and certainly not at work, surrounded by all my colleagues. But to be honest, I find it difficult to talk about money – period. So much so that I was once turned down for a sales position for "not talking about money enough" in the interview.

But the group was eagerly awaiting my answer. So I gave a vague, "Oh just a bit more than I was on before," and quickly changed the subject.

Are You Ready to Discuss Your Salary?

Money can be a touchy subject for anyone to discuss, let alone around colleagues. But why are we so scared to talk about it? We decided to poll our social media followers and ask, "Do you feel comfortable to talk about your salary with your co-workers?"

The answer was a resounding "No," with 76 percent of respondents on LinkedIn and Twitter saying that they don't feel comfortable discussing their wage.

These results weren't exactly surprising. Even though discussing your pay with co-workers is often protected (by the National Labor Relations Act in the U.S., for example, and the Equality Act in the U.K.), it's often considered a taboo subject to discuss around the watercooler.

Keeping Quiet

In fact, one of our followers didn't even see the need for discussion. Educator and Researcher Anna Coutsomitelli MEd said she saw no reason "... why you should talk about your salary with anyone at all!" Solutions Consulting Director David Lush agreed, adding: "Why would anyone ever do this? It's just a recipe for causing friction in the business."

Manager Justina Ikpe was also in favor of keeping your salary under wraps. "It has more setbacks than benefits especially if the colleagues commenced work on the same day and at the same level." She added that it "... could motivate a right-thinking team member to be results-oriented in order to earn more. Conversely, it can lead to unproductive/low-quality output as a result of resentment, unnecessary envy/jealousy which in turn can hamper the growth of the company."

But Founder, Coach and Community Creator Erikka Baker disagreed. "I would argue the same about not having transparency. Assumptions or lack of insight can also cause friction," Erikka said.

Mind the Pay Gap

Discussing salary is certainly a complicated and layered subject. For example, if you found out that another person in the same role was earning more than you, you might feel upset or undervalued. You're doing the same job, so why shouldn't you get the same wage? It just doesn't seem fair, right?

However, there may be several reasons why their salary is higher than yours. For example, they might have spent longer at the company, have more training, or even have had a cost-of-living adjustment based on their location.

On the other hand, not knowing or assuming the reasons for these differences can also create an uncomfortable working environment, and could land organizations in hot water, especially if employees suspect discriminatory factors are at play.

Leadership Coach and Learning Facilitator Holly Wright argued that being transparent with pay "... helps with overcoming pay inequality and can reduce the gender pay gap."

In order to create a fair and harmonious working environment, organizations need to make sure that any inconsistencies in pay are based on non-discriminatory reasons.

How to Overcome Salary Secrecy

The Director and Co-Founder of Elev-8 Performance, Rob Clarke, believes that transparency and culture is key. Rob said: "In our business we know exactly what each other earns. We built it that way."

Marketing Manager Alisa Hamzic suggested that this isn't a problem everywhere, just in certain countries: "This is a cultural thing. In Scandinavia it is totally transparent and normal to talk about [salary]."

So, could there be a time when more of us are open to sharing our salaries? Maybe. So, if you decide to open up about your wage, just consider the situation you're in, and approach the subject with sensitivity.

Talking About Pay and Promotion – Our Brand-New Podcast!

We've just launched The Mind Tools Expert Voices Podcast, and the first episode explores conversations about pay.

In "Can I Ask for More Pay?" hosts Rachel Salaman and Jonathan Hancock delve into the Mind Tools interview archive to get expert advice on when to hold pay conversations, and how to handle them – whether you're the team member or the manager.

Hear from world-leading researchers, writers and thought leaders, including Emma Seppala, Corey Kupfer and Dorie Clark. And find out how you can share your own experiences and ideas in future episodes.

Make sure you know how to get fairly rewarded for the work you do – and feel more confident to talk about pay, whatever your role.

Our podcast is available free from all main providers, or direct from the Mind Tools Expert Voices Podcast page.

Do you feel comfortable talking about your salary? Let us know in the comments, below.

The post Talking About Your Salary – Your Top Tips! appeared first on Mind Tools.

While the answers given may highlight some uncomfortable truths, it's important to know if people are supported to be themselves, and whether opportunities to contribute and develop are truly open to all.

What Is "Inclusive Inclusivity?"

Being inclusive allows everyone to feel valued and accepted without having to conform to a particular organizational norm. Inclusive organizations support their staff to do their best work, regardless of background, circumstance or culture.

And importantly, inclusion is about valuing difference, rather than merely tolerating it. It's about creating a positive environment where everyone can contribute.

In preparing for the upcoming #MTtalk Twitter chat, Community Manager Yolande Conradie coined the phrase "inclusive inclusivity" to capture the idea that, to be truly inclusive, we must make sure that we're inclusive of absolutely everyone, regardless of culture, circumstance or background.

The term comes from the observation that, sometimes, well-intentioned efforts to include particular groups or individuals can inadvertently exclude others.

Adopting an Inclusive Mindset

In order to achieve true inclusivity, we first have to adopt an inclusive mindset. When we detect an imbalance in the workforce, it may be tempting to adopt strategies that will tip the scales back.

However, not only could this approach unintentionally alienate other team members, but even the very groups we're aiming to support may feel patronized.

Instead of surface-level fixes, we need to get to the root of the issue and embed inclusivity into organizational values and behaviors.

Inclusivity In Action

How Inclusive Are Your Events?

U.S.-based Mind Tools Coach, Sonia Harris, is an event manager, and has been reflecting on what inclusive inclusivity looks like for those with disabilities. Following an event, Sonia suggests getting feedback from attendees who use wheelchairs or who are visually or hearing impaired. This will ensure that efforts to be inclusive translate into reality.

Sonia believes that planning is essential for achieving genuine inclusion at events. For example, when conducting a site inspection for a future meeting and event space, Sonia offers the following planning considerations:

• Can wheelchair users and those who have audio or visual impairments easily get to and from the venue?
• Once they've arrived, can they smoothly transition between the indoor and outdoor event spaces?
• How far is the main event space from elevators and wheelchair-accessible restrooms?
• Are entranceways and restroom stalls wide enough to accommodate a wheelchair?
• Will sign language interpretation and closed captioning be available during sessions of your in-person or online event?
• Do the main session and breakout rooms have enough unobstructed, comfortable space at the front for wheelchair users or those who are visually or hearing impaired?

Celebrating Diversity

U.K.-based Mind Tools Coach, Sarah Harvey, shares an example of inclusive inclusivity in action. As a previous non-executive board member for a mental health and wellbeing charity based in London, Sarah reflects on her experience of working in a diverse and inclusive organization.

Their clients have a broad spectrum of complex mental and physical health needs, combined with different personal circumstances, educational backgrounds, and cultural diversity. And this broad range of diversity was reflected in the staff and volunteers.

Such contrasts could have been a recipe for clashes, conflict and chaos. Yet the inclusive inclusivity was clear to see in every conversation, every decision-making process, and every meeting, Sarah says.

Despite their differences, everyone was expected to show up and share all that made them their unique selves, while recognizing the importance of celebrating how other people showed up, too.

Inclusion in the Workplace

Inclusion is more than a set of policies or procedures. It's about our individual and collective experience of our work. It's about creating positive workplaces or environments where we can all influence, share our ideas and expertise, and have our unique perspectives valued.

Yolande sums up how we can all achieve inclusive inclusivity by asking the following question:

"It's important to me to respect your culture as well as my own. How can we accomplish that?"

To achieve inclusive inclusivity, it needs to sit at the heart of what we do, drive our thinking, and guide our behavior at all times.

In our Twitter poll, we asked our followers how they define inclusivity. The overwhelming majority voted that inclusivity is "When everybody belongs."

Exploring Inclusive Inclusivity

During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed the importance of active mindfulness to ensure no one is excluded.  Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses: 

Q1. What does "inclusivity" mean to you? 

@DreaVilleneuve It's more than creating a seat at the table, it's raising the voices of those who have joined. 

@Yolande_MT Inclusivity: to treat people in such a way that they don't feel they have to "earn" it to belong. Inclusivity isn't a tick-box exercise. It comes from the heart and it's all about how we treat people and how we include them from day to day. 

Q2. When have you felt most included at work, and what made the difference? 

@_GT_Coaching In the past, when values felt like they were aligned with others.  Now, I can personally choose to feel included based on how I create it. 

@PmTwee It makes [me] feel satisfied and thus more productive. 

@Dwyka_Consult I felt most accepted when my workplace supported me through a very tough time – even though I was only 50 percent there (mentally). Everybody understood and offered to help. 

Q3. What do organizations risk by not becoming more inclusive? 

@_GT_Coaching Lots, but one thing that really shows up for me is a lack of creativity.  

@DreaVilleneuve Inclusive environments bring diversity, diversity brings new ideas, different problem solving, alternate viewpoints. Without being inclusive, you risk growth potential and stagnation. 

Q4. What are possible barriers to creating a more inclusive workplace? 

@NWarind Nepotism; favouritism; bullying; perks and privileges to higher tiers but no trickledown effects. 

@_GT_Coaching People's personal filters and understanding of how a situation occurs for them. 

Q5. How can we distinguish between real inclusivity and token inclusivity? 

@DreaVilleneuve It's the "B" in DEIB [Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Belonging]. Belonging. Real inclusion makes way for all people to feel as they are welcomed, valued, and important to the team/ organization. 

@PmTwee When you fail to see consistency, truth will out. 

Q6. What small things can anyone do to include others? 

@NWarind Be open-minded and consult. As all have intelligence, let them share and feel the burden of responsibility. 

@_GT_Coaching I can be mindful of how I am being plus recognize my own inauthenticity and biases. 

Q7. How can we include one person's values/ culture without ignoring or excluding someone else's/ our own? 

@MikeB_MT Including someone's culture shouldn't mean I have to exclude someone else's. It's that richness of seeking to include and understand all different perspectives and cultures that truly starts to build a culture of inclusiveness and belonging. 

@DreaVilleneuve By celebrating it all, by giving space to differences, by making changes they show that all are welcome. 

Q8. Does being inclusive mean accepting everything around you? Please explain. 

@Eve_odhis Yes and being able to say no politely and with a lot of love and respect for whatever you are disagreeing with. We are all different thus the beauty of diversity and power of inclusivity. We have to acknowledge our differences, accept them, and communicate them with love. 

@Dwyka_Consult No – and I've learned not to just "accept" my own thoughts. Sometimes, in certain situations, I must treat them with suspicion because they want to "steer" me to what's comfortable, not what's necessary. 

Q9. What does it mean to have an "inclusive mindset"? 

@ZalaB_MT "Inclusive mindset" means less judging and more listening, learning, searching; having a bend-able mindset (a term coined by @MikeB_MT) allows me curiosity and openness towards the unknown; empathy; and understanding that together we can be stronger. 

@Eve_odhis For me it means being true first to yourself then to the world by deliberately learning about others, their way of life and appreciating it. One thing I continue to learn is that, not knowing actually is a driver to exclusion. When you do not understand how and why, you'll tend to be blinded by your own biases. 

Q10. What action will you take to nurture an inclusive environment? 

@PmTwee Give a thought and practice mindfulness. 

@_GT_Coaching Engage in conversations about the subject to develop my understanding. For now, continue to be detached from my beliefs, which means I can accept the beliefs of others as being important to them. Continue to seek feedback on how I show up to others. 

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet Collection of this chat. 

Coming Up on #MTtalk

Responsible leaders work to ensure each team member has a place and feels included. Good parents guide their children in a similar way.

During our next chat we're going to talk about the changing perspectives of parenting and work. In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know which parenting skills you utilize at work. 

Resource Links to Help You Prepare

(Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.)

Putting Your Parenting Skills to Work

Parents Who Lead

Can You Be a Good Leader and a Good Parent?

Combining Parenthood and Work

How to Juggle Caregiving Responsibilities and Work

The Life Career Rainbow

The post Inclusive Inclusivity – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

The bad news is that while there has been so much positive progress to combat discrimination in all its forms, bias and discrimination still exist within workplaces and societies across the world.

The good news is that anyone can become an active ally, regardless of ethnic background, sexual orientation, disability, sex, or age. It requires no special skills, just the right attitude and a willingness to listen, learn and act.

Stepping Up as an Active Ally

In my experience, allyship needs to operate on both an individual and collective level for it to have deep impact. Organizationally, it's about creating a workplace culture where people bring their whole selves to work. This has to be a good thing, not only for businesses but for society.

Workshops can be used to develop understanding, advocate more-inclusive behaviors, and highlight the benefits of a more-inclusive culture. And they give colleagues greater confidence to challenge negative behavior when they see it.

But creating an active allyship culture isn't really about workshops, policies and initiatives. Sometimes it's the simple things that make the biggest difference and allow people to feel comfortable and accepted as part of a diverse and inclusive workplace.

Using appropriate language and understanding terminologies both go a long way toward making people feel welcomed, and help to promote a sense of genuine belonging.

Active Ally Influencers

While it's important for allies to exist throughout an organization, allyship can be particularly influential when it's adopted by people at senior levels. This is about putting people at the heart of the business.

Without the right workplace culture, if people feel they can't be themselves they'll lack confidence and become less motivated. They may feel unable to do their best work, and be uneasy about using personal experiences to develop creative solutions.

Mind Tools coach Mike Barzacchini believes allyship is an undervalued leadership skill. He said, "Being an ally as a leader creates confidence, builds trust, and helps your colleagues and your team create a more human culture."

How to Be an Active Ally

On an individual level, being an active ally means demonstrating support when it's needed in both formal and informal ways.

Listening to individuals' day-to-day experiences of discrimination allows for better appreciation of the challenges and bias experienced.

That can help you to relate with empathy, and allow those who've been discriminated against to feel seen and heard.

Microaggression, Massive Impact

Somewhat counterintuitively, perhaps, blatant discrimination can be relatively straightforward to deal with. We see it, others see it, and we can challenge it for what it is. On the other hand, so-called "microaggressions" can be much trickier to call out.

These are the intentional or unintentional commonplace behaviors and language that communicate hostile, derogatory or negative attitudes toward particular groups.

We may worry that if we call out such "microaggressions" we'll be accused of being overly sensitive, or the comments will be passed off as a joke or banter.

We may be concerned that we'll get into an argument, or that it will affect our relationships with colleagues, and this stops us speaking up. These are all natural concerns, so how do we overcome them?

Wrong Steps, Right Direction

Three important questions inform my allyship and help overcome any fears that may prevent me from actively speaking out:

It's helpful to remember that, as an active ally, we may not always get it right. We may not always say the right thing, in the right way, at the right time. But what we can do is be committed to continuously listening and learning.

We can be committed to remaining respectful, diplomatic, empathic, and assertive. And know that people are forgiving of our mistakes when they know we're being genuinely supportive and authentic, and that we've "got their backs."

So, if you want to be an active ally what should you do?

• Be an active and visible ally.
• Use your voice to actively promote equity for all.
• Never be a bystander to harassment or bullying, bias, or negative language.
• Challenge inappropriate behavior.
• Celebrate the uniqueness and diversity of your colleagues.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

Maya Angelou, American poet, author, actor

Being an active ally could be the most important role you ever have.

About This Week's "Active Ally" Chat

It's easy to say, "I don't want to get involved" and walk away, but that's not helping anybody. During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed what it means to be an active ally and why it's important. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

Q1. What's the difference between being an ally and being an active ally?

@TheTomGReid An ally might share your belief, but only an active ally will take positive action in support of the cause.

@MikeB_MT An active ally implies action. Am I taking action to support my ally? If so, I'm an active ally. There are also elements of courage, risk, voice that go into being an active ally.

Q2. When is it important to be an active ally?

@lg217 It is important to be an active ally when you can help take the burden off of someone. It is a necessity to work as a team. Don't make the person think and do everything. Doing nothing makes a terrible ally.

@Dwyka_Consult Whenever and wherever you see an injustice, or where someone's voice isn't just not heard, but actively "drowned out" by those in power for whatever reason.

Q3. Why get involved if you're not a victim? What difference can an active ally make that a victim can't?

@MarkC_Avgi Being a victim of anything is not by choice. Many times victims have no choice in what is happening to them. Thus they need someone who has the ability, or is in a position, to provide a choice or support.

Q4. When shouldn't you be an active ally?

@MindTools You shouldn't be an active ally if you're doing it just to be seen and not because you're truly devoted to the cause.

@SarahH_MT Perhaps if doing so would step on the toes of a victim, humiliate them or disempower them to act for themselves? But that's not really about not being an active ally, it's more about being an emotionally intelligent active ally.

Q5. How has an active ally helped you during your career?

@SoniaH_MT Someone whom I never considered an ally actually was. In late 1998 when I was between jobs, a former local org president connected me with a resource that enabled me to take continuing education classes (in my field) at no charge. I've been wanting to thank her a second time.

@Yolande_MT An active ally helped raise my awareness about racism to such an extent that it influenced my career path.

Q6. What fears may hold you back from speaking up?

@MikeB_MT That my actions may be misread either by the person I'm trying to be an ally to, or by others. That my actions may be too much or not enough.

@SoniaH_MT Some fears that may hold me back from speaking up as an active ally are: if there's a quirky area about the cause where I'm lacking enough education to adequately defend the victim; if intervening would jeopardize my life AND I'm not equipped to protect us both.

Q7. What skills or attributes do you need to be an active ally?

@lg217 Logical thinking, organizing as well being honest and someone dedicated in the task are key skills as well as traits to have to be a successful ally!!

Q8. What should an active ally avoid doing?

@MindTools An active ally should always avoid taking a victim's voice away. Don't speak for them unless they've asked you to do so.

@MarkC_Avgi They should avoid becoming confrontational and losing control emotionally. Being passionate and compassionate is one thing but one must always remain under control when becoming active.

Q9. How can you be an active ally in the face of potential harm to your career or person?

@Dwyka_Consult With wisdom. Pick your battles. Use your influence rather than direct confrontation (if that's at all possible and will be helpful).

@SarahH_MT All you can do is tune in to your core values and let them guide what you say and do. That way you will stay true to yourself and, if there are consequences to your career, you will be willing to accept them because you did the right thing. Easier said than done?

Q10. How can you encourage others to be an active ally?

@SoniaH_MT You can encourage others to be an #ActiveAlly THROUGH your consistent actions. Introduce them to the idea, show them, and let them decide to participate. No need to force-feed anyone.

@Yolande_MT Role-model using your voice and privilege for the greater good. Use it to be the best for the world, not the best in the world.

To read all the tweets, have a look at this chat over here.

Coming Up

There are times when, in hindsight, you realize you could have done better. However, the next time the same situation rolls around you don't do anything differently.

Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to discuss lessons identified vs lessons learned. In our Twitter poll this week, we asked in which area of your life have you most often identified a lesson, but not learned it? See the results here.

"Active Ally" Resources

Note that you will need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the resources in full.

What is Psychological Capital?

How to Keep Your Allies at Work Video

The Influence Model

Avoiding Unconscious Bias at Work

Minority Influence Strategy

Standing Up for Your People

Finding Your Allies

5 Ways to Support Your LGBTQ+ Colleagues

The post Are You an Active Ally? – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

Celebrating Pride Post-Pandemic

We've not been able to celebrate Pride as we would pre-COVID. So, this year, we asked our colleagues and subscribers to share their favorite memories of Pride, as well as what the month means to them.

Rejoicing in Yourself and Celebrating Others

Erika Valenti, Regional Manager NA at Emerald Group put it perfectly, "Pride is celebrating the beauty of different but the same."

Jenny Chester, Journal Production Coordinator at Emerald also reflected on the happiness of Pride and the feeling of camaraderie and togetherness that it often sparked, "My favorite memory from Leeds Pride [in West Yorkshire, U.K.] is the members breaking out into a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody as we marched down the bottom of The Headrow.

"To stand side by side with both friends and strangers, sharing a moment of joy and celebration was incredible. Singing together with one voice, as a community, was a powerful feeling. For me, Pride is that feeling of joyful celebration of yourself and others."

Remembering the Fight Against Social Stigma

Learning and Organizational Manager, Mike Shaw, shared a particularly poignant memory of Manchester Pride, in the north west of England. He also highlighted the part it's played in fighting the social stigma attached to being LGBTQ+.

He recalled, "I love Pride and particularly Manchester Pride, as it's great to see my city so energized celebrating LGBTQI+ with a city-wide parade, music, performance, etc.

"The part of the weekend I am most proud of though, is right at the end of the Bank Holiday Monday. After three days of partying, dancing and drinking, is the AIDS vigil. Set in Sackville Park, at the heart of the 'Gay Village,' which has the AIDS memorial, thousands of people come together to remember those who are no longer with us, the journeys that people have been on, and the impact of HIV and AIDS over the past 40 or so years.

"As emotional and hard as it is, it is also one of my highlights of the year – celebrating people's lives and fighting social stigma. I am proud and so moved that amid the celebrations, we can find time to stop, reflect, remember, and comfort. The sight of a candlelit sea raised high, is so beautiful... as you can see in the photo."

Being an Ally

For Donna Marie-Johnson, who joined the conversation on our Facebook Career Community group, Pride has been about allyship. And, most importantly, it's encouraged her to listen more to those that often feel unheard and unacknowledged.

She explained, "I had a co-worker who went through a name change after she transitioned [gender]. No one told me this before I did a company-wide search for her. I was shocked because I had never heard of that before. But, when I finally found her, I just listened. That's all she wanted, someone to listen to her. Because of this, I got an employee of the month award. It changed my whole perspective. I cannot judge what other people choose for themselves, that's not my place, but I can just listen. It's an honor to do so."

If you'd like to learn more about how to support your LGBTQ+ colleagues in the workplace like Donna, check out our blog post on the topic here.

Pride Is More Than an Event, It's a State of Mind

In a very moving and personal post, another of our colleagues, who wished to remain anonymous, reflected on their own personal journey. They talked about how far Pride has come in enabling people to live authentic lives, but also how far we still have to go to achieve true equality.

They commented, "Pride is more than a party – it's a state of mind, a way of walking. It's looking someone in the eye. It's not having to fight your demons every waking hour and some of your sleeping ones, too. Yes, it's the absence of shame, but something so much more. And it's the work of a lifetime for someone like me, who grew up in the 70s and 80s when U.K. newspaper headlines spiraled from 'lesbo affair' tittle-tattle to 'gay plague' hate.

"Alternately ostracized and terrorized by schoolmates, I knew of literally no one like me, in real life or fiction. Without the language to explain to myself what I was feeling let alone to anyone else, I quickly learned that to give even a hint of the turmoil inside would be disastrous, for my physical safety, for friendships, for family peace, and for any career prospects. So I shut up and shut down.

"My shell of denial and self-loathing began to crack toward the end of college when I met 'out and proud' gay and lesbian people for the first time (there was almost no recognition of B for bisexual then, let alone TQAI+). They didn't have two heads. They were just a lot more honest and non-judgmental than most of the determinedly straight set I hung out with!

"My first serious job was for an employer whose equality and diversity policy was streets ahead of most. First, they had one. Second, they lived it every day, in who they recruited, in how they treated clients. No empty words on a poster (of which there were many around the building), but somewhere to learn what respect really meant – a safe space for me to explore my own identity and a beacon to other organizations.

"Meanwhile, my lesbian and gay friends in the teaching profession hadn't been able to mention anything at work outside the heteronormative experience, for fear of legal action and public humiliation. Thanks to Section 28 of the Local Government Act, they lived strictly closeted lives, keeping secrets from colleagues and kids alike, and had to stand by while their students struggled with the very same issues.

"This oppression, combined with efforts to eradicate queer people from the police, military and civil service, blighted and distorted lives for decades – to this day, in fact – despite the eventual change of direction by government. Cruel and exclusionary legislation was gradually repealed, and replaced with overtly inclusive approaches, largely thanks to the campaigns of grassroots activists. But it had set a wider tone in workplaces that only shifted for some of my contacts in time for their retirement.

"And now? Well, I'm watching my younger co-workers' apparently casual approach to LGBTQIA+ lives and issues with fascination, envy and humility. One thing I'm learning is that they're not at all as offhand as I thought – rather, they're absolute in their expectation of choice, respect and pride.

"So, yes, party joyfully, if distantly, with your colleagues this Pride month! But history and current affairs tell us it's all too easy to return to grimmer, more dangerous times. So we all – gay, straight, cis, trans, and beyond – need to play our part in building safety, dignity and equity at work. Lives depend on it."

Pride is a Vacation From Feeling Closeted and Ashamed

For one of our younger colleagues – Content Assistant Alice Gledhill – Pride is about giving a voice to people who are often silenced, as well as a chance for others to listen to them and learn. As she explained, "For me, Pride Month is a number of things. It's an opportunity for everyone to listen to a group of people who seldom have a platform in mainstream media where they're not mocked or villainized. It's a chance for straight and cisgender people, in particular, to learn about queer history and modern-day struggles that LGBTQ+ people face. And, Pride Month is a time when LGBTQ+ folk can feel accepted and empowered. For one month of the year, we're embraced and celebrated.

"For many LGBTQ+ people, Pride Month is a vacation from feeling closeted or ashamed, free to be and to express who they are. It can even encourage people to embrace their true selves, like Raiders' Carl Nassib proudly did earlier this month.

"But Pride is still for those who are not publicly 'out' about their sexuality or gender. In fact, if you're not 'out' yet, Pride Month is especially for you.

"I have never officially 'come out' as queer, or really felt a need to. I've never sat my parents down and had 'the talk' with them, or pulled a friend or trusted colleague aside to get it off my chest. I've never felt isolated or discriminated against because of my sexuality. And my life, even my way of life, would be at no risk if I were to come out to my family or colleagues. (Though I guess I just have!)

"My experience comes from a place of privilege. For one thing, it's often easier for women to go undetected as queer than it is for men, as we have more freedom to express both feminine and masculine behaviors. For example, as a child, I would always prefer to play with toy trucks and diggers over dolls. And still, to this day, I would rather climb a tree than put on makeup. My parents labeled me a 'tomboy.' On the other hand, if a young boy plays with dolls and wears makeup, people will instinctively question his sexuality and/or gender identity. Note how there is no (inoffensive) male equivalent term for 'tomboy.'

"I also had the luxury of laid-back parents and of growing up in the U.K. As a result, although I am part of the LGBTQ+ community, I feel more of an ally. I already have it pretty good, so I stand up for those who don't.

"Pride Month is for the many people who lack the kind of privilege I have. We need Pride Month so that all LGBTQ+ lives are respected. Currently, LGBTQ+ people are criminalized in 71 countries. Trans people are twice as likely to be victims of crime in England and Wales than their cis counterparts, and more than 1.8 million LGBTQ+ youths in the U.S. seriously consider suicide each year. For me, Pride Month is an annual catalyst for progress and change.

"Pride Month's very existence acknowledges that there is still work to be done to make LGBTQ+ people feel welcome and safe in society and, indeed, to be proud."

What does Pride mean to you? And how have you celebrated it this year? Share your story in the Comments section, below.

The post What Pride Means to Us appeared first on Mind Tools.

"You cannot say something about something without revealing something about yourself."

Language has always fascinated me. It's something unseen that we use to shape the world. It has the power to overthrow regimes. Words can build or break relationships, and people.

The Power of Language to Divide

I grew up in apartheid-era South Africa. In the white Afrikaans-speaking culture of the time, it was considered respectful for children to address their elders as "uncle" or "auntie," even if they weren't relatives.

A gardener used to come to our house every Saturday. I was very fond of him, and spent hours tagging along in the garden with a set of mini gardening tools to "help" him.

He had endless patience, even though I'm sure I must have been quite a nuisance at times.

One day, I realized that I was allowed to use his first name, even though he was as old as my father. I asked my mother, "Why am I allowed to call him Izak, and not Uncle Izak?"

Of course, it was apartheid South Africa. We were white and Uncle Izak was black. How white people referred to and addressed black people became a primary tool of division. Even a preschool child like I was at the time had the power to (unwittingly) use it against an adult man.

Keeping People Down

Language can divide genders as well as races. For example, referring to women as "the weaker sex" is a phrase designed to keep them "where they belong." In other words, women should not be in positions of power, leadership and influence, but in positions of submission, subservience and dependence.

A man stays "Mister" throughout his adult life. In some cultures, a woman's title changes from "Miss" to "Mrs" when she gets married. Why do we feel the need to address a woman according to her marital status, yet we don't do the same with men?

What does that tell us about the view that society held (and sometimes still holds) of women? Why is there a different word and title for a married woman? It's a distinction of status, implying that a married woman has a different standing in society from that of a single woman.

How Language Can Dehumanize Us

Women also suffer from verbal objectification and degrading language. Assertive or successful women are likened to cattle and dogs. That's active dehumanization, and that's very dangerous territory.

The American author and academic, Brené Brown, said it best: "Violence starts with dehumanization. Dehumanization starts with language."

If we look at how men talk about women, is it any wonder that there's a worldwide pandemic of violence, and specifically domestic violence against women?

In the 1970s and 80s, serial killer Peter Sutcliffe targeted sex workers in northern England. A manhunt ensued, but the case wasn't investigated with the zeal it deserved until, in the words of police, Sutcliffe killed "innocent young girls." In other words, sex workers weren't considered innocent victims. How utterly awful.

Body Language Can Be Divisive

Sadly, mental illness is often stigmatized, not just in words, but in gestures. For example, when someone taps the side of their head to say a person isn't "all there."

There's a subtle difference between saying someone "is bipolar" and someone "has bipolar disorder." The first equates a person with their illness. The second recognizes that the illness is only one aspect of the person.

Language Is No Joking Matter

Some people will justify an offensive or hurtful comment by adding, "I'm just joking," or, "It was just a joke." Such language is designed to make the person on the receiving end feel like they're the one in the wrong, and shouldn't take things "too seriously."

Will it not be to our benefit across the whole world to use language as a tool to unite people, to build peaceful nations, and to foster co-operation? Language, after all, is how we express ideas, do creative problem solving, and build bridges between people.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a feeling that it's going to serve us much better that way.

How Language Divides

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last Friday, we talked about language that divides. Here are the questions we asked and some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. Why does the language we use matter?

@ColfaxInsurance Language is how we connect and communicate - words, tone, and forms of speech all connect to individuals differently and can be crucial in understanding and building relationships with them.

@LDresslerPlus Language is culture, heritage, status, knowledge, power...

@JKatzaman Language conveys not only basic messages but also nuance. That's really important on social media that doesn't do great with inflections.

Q2. In what ways can our use of language create divisions among us?

@TheToniaKallon Language that is used unkindly, to abuse, or spread hatred creates division. I would also venture that language used without intention or consideration of impact can have a similar effect.

@Midgie_MT It can create divisions between those that understand and those who do not. For example, using lots of acronyms when speaking. For those who do not know what they mean, they could feel excluded.

Q3. Words have the power to exclude. How?

@MicheleDD_MT Language is often a social tool used to determine who "fits in." Can have consequences for who gets hired or promoted.

@SizweMoyo Words can change a person's position in social spaces - what we think a person can do and how well we think they can do it. For a long time, the use of certain words meant that those branded with certain words [had] a smaller chance of enjoying life to the fullest.

Q4. What examples have you seen of language resulting in stigmatization?

@Yolande_MT I heard someone speaking of a person from the Muslim faith, as "that one who looks like she's wearing a ninja suit." I felt sick.

@ZalkaB So many shades of this. Abusing words and expressions that are painful for certain people and putting it into a different context. Attributing tags to people to shame them (like gold digger... ). Making fun of ppl's dialect, poor grammar.

Q5. Why do we judge people based on how they speak?

@Mphete_Kwetli English comes to mind here and South African schools and townships. Mostly people think English is a medium of intelligence not [a] medium of communication.

@ZalkaB Words matter. And are usually connected with actions, beliefs and inherent bias. I'm flabbergasted when... some people have no sense of shame throwing around words like "holocaust-style tactics", w/out any thought about the context & damage it does.

Q6. Does it matter if the divisive impact of language is intentional or not? Why?

@Tanjiskas I think it is important. Because maybe someone isn't aware of that and needs to be educated on this matter. And explaining is always better than judging. I think we all did it at some point.

@llake An evolving issue. When my grandparents immigrated here, groups of people from same countries identified themselves by collective names. Eventually, these devolved into derogatory names. Now we're trying to figure this out. What's okay and what isn't, and why or why not?

Q7. How does language affect the opportunities available to us in the workplace?

@Yolande_MT In South Africa where I live, second language English speakers are often treated as if they're a bit "slow." Someone once told me that she thought of Afrikaans people who can't speak English well as "stupid." She can only speak English.

@ColfaxInsurance Language use at work could be as important as landing you a sale/promotion or not, it comes down to understanding each individual's language use and how to effectively communicate w/ them.

Q8. A colleague uses language that is offensive to others. What do you do?

@MarkC_Avgi If someone else has not already called them out for what is offensive language to others, I will usually take them aside afterwards &, in private, bring the issue to their attention. Unfortunately, some have said: "Well, no one said anything at the time."

@Mind_Tools Give the offended person the first opportunity to say something. If it appears they won't, ask them if it would be okay if you stepped in.

Q9. Language is woven into cultures and societies. How do we change the use of divisive language?

@JKatzaman Language that is culturally embedded is tough because it's what children learn from parents and playmates. Bess Truman was asked why Harry said "manure." She replied, "You don't know how many years it took us to get him to say that."

@MicheleDD_MT Raise awareness. Educate people on unconscious biases & how we make assumptions about another group by the way they speak.

Q10. What could you do to become more aware of the language you use?

@SizweMoyo Talking to different groups of people will certainly give me a different view on the language that I may have thought is alright to use, but was wrong.

@Midgie_MT Be more conscious and aware of the words you use and the impact it might have. Ask for feedback to learn.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Coming Up

Having looked at division, in our next #MTtalk chat, we're going to discuss what helps us to feel connected to other people, and how connected we feel (or not) and why.

In our poll this week, we want to know how technology has helped you to feel connected to people over the past year. To see the poll and cast your vote, please click here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources that explore ways to connect better with others. (Some of these may only be available in full to members of the Mind Tools Club.)

Religious Observance in the Workplace

When to Speak Up

Mutual Respect

Avoiding Discrimination

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Dealing With Discrimination

Dealing With Bossy Co-Workers

Building Trust

How to Be Assertive

Managing Your Boundaries

Avoiding Unconscious Bias at Work

The post Language That Divides – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

This was not a long time ago. This was 2018.

Challenging Racist Workplace "Banter"

In this video, three of our U.K.-based colleagues – Esh Jugal, Jeffrey Oshinyemi and Sai Cook – come together to chat about racism in the workplace, the impact of George Floyd's death, the Black Lives Matter movement, and their own personal experiences of racism.

Watch the full video here:

Esh, Jeffrey and Sai discuss:

Not the Season of Goodwill

In this transcript extract, Esh Jugal, Client Experience Partner at Emerald Works, describes turning up at his new job only to find that it's a hostile environment:

Jeffrey: I'm lucky, I don't think I've ever had a racist interaction in the workplace specifically – maybe on the way home!

Esh: I have had the worst. I worked in a company two years ago and it was a media company. Their headquarters were based in Canada but they operated here in the U.K. as well. I applied for the role, I got interviewed, two-stage process, I got the role. And during the interview I just thought, "Ah, this manager, the line manager, wicked, he's so, so good. I can definitely see myself working under him."

So my first day, 12th of December I remember, I walked into the office. And bearing in mind I never met my colleagues before, and it was a really small office, only about seven to eight people. Anyway, walked into the office, introduced myself, they were like, "Hi, hi, hi."

They were quite a loud bunch, so I thought all right, cool. I sat down and they had an advent calendar on the wall. They said who wants to pick today's advent calendar. It was like a makeshift advent calendar, one they had made themselves. They had put stuff in the bag and you grab it out on the day, and there's a joke each day, a chocolate or a gift or whatever as well.

"The Guy Reads the Joke – It's to Do With Black People"

So someone's like, "OK, I'll do it today." So they did it and it was like, right, read the joke out. And the guy who was about to read the joke out was a bit hesitant, and he goes, "Oh, er, er." He kept pausing, and the other guy's like, "Come on, read the joke out."

These guys are really loud and they just don't care. They didn't care who had just started, what the color of that person's skin was. The guy reads the joke out and it's a joke to do with black people, like a stereotype joke. They were cracking up, and in my head I was just thinking, "What the hell, this is insane!"

Sai: Oh god!

Esh: And I didn't laugh, I didn't even chuckle, trying to get involved or whatever.

Sai: Were there other people there?

Esh: There were other people there, they were all pretty much the same and there were a couple of people, two marketing girls, they were really lovely and they wouldn't really crack up.

"And the Jokes Just Continued"

They would, like, chuckle and then get on with their work. I think it was more, you know, how you get people that just don't want no drama, don't want any confrontation, and they just get on with it, they don't get involved.

Sai: That's most people.

Esh: They were like that and I was the only colored person in the company. They were all white and I just thought, "What the hell's going on here?" And it continued. So I was working there for about 10-11 months, and the jokes just continued. Even about Asians, South Asians, stuff to do with religion.

I remember at one point they were talking about food, about steak or something, and my manager, who was like the VP of sales and marketing, said, "What's that religion that flippin' worships cows?"

"Insults Being Disguised as Humor"

Sai: Oh my god.

Esh: And I was there, I'm Hindu, and I was like, "Hindus, Hinduism." And he goes, "Yeah, you guys worship cows." And said it as if it was OK!

Sai: Like it was trivial.

Esh: And I just didn't know how to handle that at all. And me being the only colored person. It was just one of those things, and there were so many racial slurs, even when I'm sitting there.

And there would be comments, and sometimes I'd respond in sarcastic ways. And I remember once my manager got offended with something I said, just because I responded to something he said!

He said something racial and then I was sarcastic. And he got annoyed with that. He said something to me and then just made it out like it's just banter.

Jeffrey: I think you have to be really careful with insults being disguised as humor or good humor.

Esh: Exactly!

Jeffrey: Ignorance is not funny. There's no way to spin it, it's just not funny.

You can watch Part 1 of our BLM roundtable, "Racism in the Workplace and BLM: Our First Conversation" here.

Have you had a conversation about race at work? What would you like to tell or ask your colleagues about racism and inequality? Have you experienced racist workplace "banter"? How do you think we can stamp out racism in the workplace – and outside of it – for good? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts in the Comments section, below.

The post Racism in the Workplace: No Laughing Matter appeared first on Mind Tools.

Racism in the Workplace

In this video, three of our U.K.-based colleagues – Esh Jugal, Jeffrey Oshinyemi and Sai Cook – come together to chat about racism in the workplace, the Black Lives Matter movement, and their own personal experiences of racial inequality and discrimination.

They discuss:

• How George Floyd's death and the events that followed have affected their lives and the world around them.
• Their own experiences of racism inside and outside the workplace.
• How they approach conversations about racism and microaggressions.

Watch the full video here:

"I Don't Want to Ruin the Vibe"

In this transcript extract, Esh Jugal, Client Experience Partner at Emerald Works, describes one particular experience outside of work that has stayed with him:

Esh: Me and Aarti, my wife, we went to Cyprus a month after we got married. So pretty much like our honeymoon. We went for like six or seven nights. And we went on this excursion with the hotel group. There was a group of us. We spent a day with all these people.

But there was a couple there that were probably I think 50 years old or something. And I'll never forget them. Their names were Phil and Debs... Debbie. And we were talking to them throughout the day, you know, having a good time. And we had lunch with them, had some wine with them.

And as they were getting to know us, getting to know each other, they said, "Oh, you know, what are you into?" There was music playing and stuff. We went to someone's place to have lunch. Music playing. And I was like, "I can't really get myself into this in regards to, like, dancing. I don't know how to move to this." And they were like, "Oh, what are you into?"

And I was like, "I like more R&B and hip hop." And then, all of a sudden, Phil was like, "Oh really!" [Mimics dancing with hands.] All that kind of stuff. And then I was like, oh my god. And then, you know, it's just one of those stereotype things.

So every single time he spoke to me after that moment he would keep making the stereotype comments. Just because I'm into R&B and hip hop. And, as if everyone that listens to R&B and hip hop is like that. Or should be like that. And so he would start making references. Like, you know, trying to be hip and stuff like that.

And he kept making comments. And they were kind of like microaggressions. I mean the thing is, he was really funny. And I, at that point, sort of took it as light "banter." And I thought, "Oh, he's this guy, he's just one of those guys, and he's obviously not educated enough or whatever. But he's just having a laugh. It's cool."

And he kept doing it throughout the whole holiday. And then, even on the way back, on the coach. You know, we're sitting next to them. And then I said to Aarti, "I swear he's being racist." And I said it to her about five times. And she goes, "Yeah, he's a bit odd in that sense." And I was like, "He's definitely being racist, right?" Always stereotyping just because I'm into a certain type of music or because I'm Asian... a person of color. And she goes, "Yeah."

And then we spoke about it after, and we saw him round the hotel for the next two or three days after that. And he would continue to do these things.

And I, at that moment, did not know how to respond. So I kind of, you know, just... I wasn't in a position, myself, at that time, to just call him out on anything because I thought... it's a holiday. I don't really know this guy. I've just met him. We're in the same resort. I don't want to ruin the "vibe." And then make him feel awkward.

Sai: Like it's always you who have to carry this emotional burden. Because you're the only person who's thinking, "Oh, if I do this, this can happen. If I do this... ." It's all on you and they're just walking around, like it's all cool.

Next Time...

In Part Two of their discussion on racism, Sai, Esh and Jeffrey discuss:

• Racism in the workplace and the difficulties involved in confronting it.
• Difficult conversations with friends and family about stereotypes and unconscious biases.
• How to tackle racism in the workplace in future, through swift action and education.

Have you had a conversation about race at work? What would you like to tell or ask your colleagues about racism and inequality? How do you think we can stamp out racism in the workplace – and outside of it – for good? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts in the Comments section, below.

The post Racism in the Workplace and BLM: Our First Conversation appeared first on Mind Tools.

Everyone's talking about racism. But from my experience, when people talk about racism, they are talking about extremists. About the neo-Nazis, the far-right political parties, or your local xenophobic drunk.

Basically the people we don't want to be friends with, and the people who aren't on our newsfeed. They exist in a faraway land that has nothing to do with us.

Where Is the Racism?

However, since George Floyd's death and the rise of Black Lives Matter protests, more people are starting to realize that racism doesn't just exist among extremists. They are starting to realize that it also exists in a much more "subtle" way. (Subtle to those who are not affected by it.)

It exists in our institutions, policing, housing system, juristic systems, and even our healthcare. People are also starting to realize that, in some ways, they may have unknowingly gained certain advantages in life from this systemic racism.

As for myself, I've been having a lot more uncomfortable, yet important, conversations with my friends. And especially with my husband, who is white. We've always talked about racial issues and my experiences with racial discrimination. But never this intensely. It's an ongoing process for sure and it's been amazing. And emotional.

Racism and Microaggressions

I'm also looking to myself and my role as part of an Asian minority. Looking at the possible negative impact that I may have had on the fight against racism, by "ignoring" or minimizing the experiences I've had.

To me, my discovery of the word microaggression was quite important. It helped me to articulate a lot of my own experiences that I couldn't quite categorize before, as overtly racist or sexist, or often both. Now, I'm starting to realize that they are more harmful than they seem.

They come in so many forms, often as "compliments." "Oh, your English is so good!" Or "You must make really good Kimchi." Kimchi is a Korean delicacy. I am not Korean.

Or "How can you be bad at maths?!" Or the most common one for me is men shouting across the street, or even whispering in my ear as they walk past, "Nihao." Nihao is "Hello" in Chinese. I am not Chinese.

Time to Stop Brushing off the Comments

None of these comments seemed exactly harmful but they always made me feel "icky." I often ignore such behavior, especially when it's from men that I don't know, which then makes me very disappointed and angry with myself.

And I've come to realize that, by ignoring these comments, I am trivializing them and could actually be doing more harm than good for my community. So now, at least when it comes from people that I know, I will always respond to it – while still fearing being accused of "overreacting."

I don't want to bring down the mood of the conversation, so most of the time, I will try to keep things light-hearted. But it's hard to win in a situation like this, hard to manage your boundaries. You're the only one carrying this emotional burden. I think that's why most of the time people just brush it off, not acknowledging its impact on them.

Hide - or Have Pride in My Race?

I do think that, as an Asian minority member, I "get off" more lightly, as we are usually seen as less threatening and more submissive.

The generalized view of a stereotypical Asian is usually more positive than that of other ethnic groups. We are, as some say, "the model minority." This, though, brings about its own issues.

One being that this is a completely flawed comparison and ignores the centuries of Black enslavement. It also greatly minimizes the role that racism plays in the persistent struggles of other minority groups.

However, saying all that, for a long time I still tried to make myself as "white" as possible. From my school, to university, to my workplace, I would do my best to assimilate and not act "too Thai."

I've actually had a lot more experiences with sexism than racism. A lot more. It took a lot of growing for me to realize that I should embrace my difference rather than try to hide it.

Tackling Racism at Its Roots

The Black Lives Matter movement makes me feel both inspired and disheartened at the same time.

The widespread show of support helps reaffirm my faith in people. However, the fact that there even needs to be a BLM movement today makes me so angry and sad.

However, I do feel optimistic about it. BLM is not only trying to tackle overtly racist acts, but is also challenging the more subtle acts of racism, and the system that allows them.

More and more people are willing to look at themselves and question whether "not being racist" is enough. I really think it's opening up a lot of people's eyes, people who have always thought that racism doesn't exist anymore.

The best way to fight racism for me would be an uncensored education in schools about race, racism and the history of racism. Or even history lessons that don't see through rose-tinted glass.

Teaching kids the right way to not be a racist. And to celebrate and embrace different cultures and religions, instead of trying to be color-blind. I think for racism to be eradicated, it needs to start from early education.

White Lives Matter Too

You are really missing the point here. The BLM movement came into existence not to say that other lives don't matter, but to say that Black lives matter too.

The BLM movement has to make these statements because of a history of discrimination, violence and subjugation. A history that they've had to endure due to the color of their skin.

A history that should have been, as it says, history. But sadly it's still very much prevalent in the present day, even if it comes in a more "subtle" form.

Black Lives Matter was born because White Lives have always Mattered and Black lives have not.

Sai Cook was lead designer for the new Emerald Works brand.

What’s your experience of Black Lives Matter? What impact has BLM had in your workplace? Add your comments below.

The post The Subtle Art of Racism: What I Realized Because of BLM appeared first on Mind Tools.