Uh-oh. I've known Sam for many years. This means two things. One, she'll be right. She has decades of evidence to back up her findings. Two, we know each other so well that she won't feel she needs to be polite. I brace myself.

"Indecision. You can't decide about anything. Even whether you wanted a pastry with your coffee. Or which kind of coffee you wanted. How have you got this old without being able to make decisions?"

My Indecision Is Final

It's a good question. I can make very basic decisions. Enough to keep me alive. I decide not to step into traffic when the light's against me, or mend the toaster while it's switched on.

But when I'm forced to weigh up more complex decisions, pull up a chair: it'll take a while. And my indecision annoys the heck out of everyone around me.

So a book about making decisions is right up my street. And Daniel Kahneman's classic "Thinking, Fast and Slow" is certainly the one to read.

One Thinker, Two Ways of Thinking

OK, so it's not just about decision making. Its scope is a lot broader than that. But Kahneman's work on the psychology of decisions is what won him the Nobel Prize for Economics in 2002.

The book is packed with fascinating insights. For a start, we don't think the same way all the time. In fact, we have two distinct systems of thinking.

System One covers all those near-instantaneous decisions that we don't even seem to think about at all. The decision to obey the red light, for example. System Two is much more complex. It's the kind of rational, non-intuitive thinking that we use for analysis and problem solving. And it takes a surprising amount of effort.

Priming: The Subtlety of Influence

The interplay between the two systems lies at the heart of human thought, even consciousness. And it can cause some interesting effects.

Take "priming" for example. Priming is what happens when we see or hear something that influences our behavior in a certain way. It could be something explicit, like an advert for a product. But it could also be much more subtle.

And the key thing about priming is that it's a System One phenomenon. It works on us without us thinking about it rationally. Often, we don't even realize that we've been primed.

Let's say I'd walked into the cafe and seen a large picture of a foaming cappuccino and a cinnamon pastry. I might have found myself ordering that, without even thinking about it, even though I usually take just a black filter coffee.

There's no great harm in that, of course, except to my bank balance and waistline. But what if priming can be used to influence much more important decisions?

The Art of the Nudge

Behavioral science has become a huge area for research in the 20 years since Kahneman won his Nobel Prize. Influencers are keen to put social media to work to "nudge" us beyond our indecision and into making particular decisions.

These decisions are usually on which product to buy, but they can also be about which version of a news story to believe, or even which way to vote.

So maybe my indecision isn't such a bad thing, as long as I actually use the time to think through the implications of what I'm doing.

Simple or Complex? You Decide

"Thinking, Fast and Slow" is a pretty comprehensive book. Priming is only a small part of what it's about, and much of the other research it covers is equally fascinating. Thankfully, it's written in a highly approachable style, despite the complexity of the subject matter.

But you come away from it with a strong feeling that the way we make sense of the world around us is much more complex than we can ever be aware of.

In Kahneman's own words, "Our comforting conviction that the world makes sense rests on a secure foundation: our almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance."

It's something to think about the next time you need to make a serious decision, about anything. But don't worry too much about the cappuccino.

Download Our "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Book Insight

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So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Book Insight in text or audio format.

Do you make decisions without really thinking about them? How do you make big decisions? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts below!

The post Why Indecision Is Worth Thinking About appeared first on Mind Tools.

I'm talking about Eric Carle's timeless classic, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."

Your Career Story

Storytelling in general is a powerful theme in the podcast. Experts like Robert Kaplan and Pippa Grange talk about "seizing the pen" and starting to write your own career narrative.

Other guests, including April Rinne and Dorie Clark, talk about finding your own sense of purpose as you plan your next steps. You stop being a character in someone else's story.

And there's a recurring point about regularly rewriting your career plan – because your job, your sector, and you, are in a constant state of flux. As educationalist Barbara Mistick puts it, "It's the end of the career 'track' as you know it."

Always Hungry for More

But what reminded me about "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" in particular was a comment from futurist April Rinne. "We've been taught," she tells my colleague Rachel Salaman, "that we will only really matter to the world if we have more, more, more, more, more."

And I instantly thought about the caterpillar at the start of Eric Carle's book. He eats one apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, and so on, until he's so full he feels sick. He's obsessed with getting more. But he also seems to be stuck on that old idea of a job "track," steadily plowing on with his work, day after day.

In the podcast, author Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones calls this "survival mentality." And that rang a bell with me, because there was a point in my career when every day felt like a battle to survive.

Thriving or Surviving?

I was working in education, and quickly moving forward in terms of job title, responsibilities and pay. But I'd reached a point where my well-being was in reverse.

The organization I worked for was under pressure, and everyone was stressed. We all had more to do than we could handle. There seemed to be new emergencies every week.

I knew I had the ability to make a difference. But too many things were getting in the way for me to have the impact I wanted.

As hard as I tried, I got very little satisfaction from my work, and I was struggling to see beyond the day-to-day grind.

I desperately needed a plan.

Lessons From Expert Voices

Mind Tools Expert Voices is the podcast where we explore key workplace topics with handpicked expert guests. The latest episode is about career planning, and how rewriting your story can help you to stay successful and satisfied at work.

Butterfly Thinking for a Better Career

In Eric Carle's book, the hungry caterpillar eventually becomes a beautiful butterfly, and can then enjoy a rather different role – one that's more varied, less stressed, and presumably much more enjoyable than before.

For humans, however, it's not always easy to make that type of transition. It can feel scary to leave the familiar behind. There are risks involved in moving to new settings and taking on different challenges.

When I felt stuck, having people to talk to was vital. Friends helped me to think through my options, and several people suggested positive next steps. I didn't make a detailed map for the rest of my career, but I did decide on my first move – and then made it.

Leaving education meant that my pay dropped significantly, and I had to learn to navigate the world of self-employment. I financed some of my own training, and invested time in networking. It was scary – but exciting, too, because I was reshaping my career, and using a much wider range of experiences and skills.

Like a butterfly, I started to dip in and out of different, tempting-looking things. I had a much wider and more attractive viewpoint. I didn't feel trapped at ground level anymore.

How to Change Your Career Story

In the years since, I've developed what April Rinne calls a "portfolio career." In the podcast, she tells Rachel that this is "… a shift in how you think about what you're capable of doing, and what you want to do. So everything, every job, every skill, every role… the skills that you learn parenting… all of these things go into your portfolio."

You end up with a résumé that makes you "… uniquely positioned in your sector or in your organization. It's really empowering."

Work won't always go smoothly, of course. Many of our experts recognize that even small career shifts can be scary. I certainly had my fair share of knocks as I navigated my new path.

But not making changes is also a choice – and it can allow others to make choices for you, often not to your advantage. As Bill Wooditch puts it, "If you think about fear, maybe by procrastinating... you're creating a much, much tougher fear for yourself than going after something."

My Life as a Butterfly

As the next phase of my career began, I was energized to run projects of my own, and to explore opportunities that I'd have been too busy, or too scared, to consider before. After a couple of years working alone, I saw a chance to take on a team role in an unfamiliar sector – and seized it.

Suddenly I was working in an exciting new industry, and my daily life was very different from when I'd been at my "dead end." I was interested in work again, and felt like I was having an impact. My new environment suited me. I could use my full portfolio of experiences and strengths.

I only wish I'd taken control of my career story – and spread my wings – a bit sooner. As Barbara Mistick says, "If you can tap into your passion for work, then your level of engagement changes and your ability to be successful changes." It's a virtuous circle. As in Eric Carle's book, the sun shines!

Building a Better Career From Here

The Expert Voices podcast has a wealth of ideas for finding good places to work, and great jobs to do – ones that match where you are in your life now, and where you want to go next.

In my experience, the first step is the hardest. But if you're pursuing your interests, and finding new ways to bring value and find satisfaction, you'll be moving toward something better. You'll be on what Richard Shell from the Wharton School calls the "windy path" to career success.

In short, you'll be turning into a butterfly! You'll spot more opportunities from up there, and enjoy a richer life now.

And I'm not the only one who sees butterflies as a good symbol for happiness. When Richard gives Rachel his take on career planning, he says something that took me straight back to my favorite children's book:

"It's very hard to catch a butterfly. But if you go someplace where there are butterflies and you just sit down and be still, a butterfly will very likely come and sit on your shoulder. And I think happiness is like that.

"If you spend your life chasing it, it's pretty hard to catch. But if you go to places where there's a good chance that your talents, your emotions, your relationships will be in resonance with that situation and just sit there, the chances are pretty good the happiness will find you."

Listen to the Latest Episode of Mind Tools Expert Voices

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What Are Your Career-Planning Tips?

How are you shaping your career from here? What's worked for you in the past, and when have you learned from your mistakes? Please share your experiences, insights and ideas, below.

The post Are You a Caterpillar or a Butterfly? – Planning Your Career From Here appeared first on Mind Tools.

If you don't set resolutions, congratulations! If you do set them, you'll most likely ditch them at some point in the next 12 months.

According to some studies, nearly half of all Americans regularly make New Year resolutions (incidentally, just over a third never do), but fewer than 10 percent of people are successful and achieve a positive end result.

So, how are we supposed to reach our dreams, and set achievable goals?

Hope Instead of Resolution

Well, here's the alternative I can offer you: a Hope Letter. I've been testing it with my coaching clients for the past 15 years and it works. And here's why.

Drawing upon extensive research, just over two decades ago, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Kansas, C. R. Snyder, wanted to figure out what role hope played in reaching one's goals. He found that having a goal, though very important, was not enough on its own. We need two other ingredients: pathways for achieving our goals and a belief in our ability to reach them.

A Resolution for Any Time of Year

So, the process of constructing a Hope Letter is relatively easy. First, date the letter one year from the day you sit down to write it.

Second, write it as if everything in your life (career, health, relationships, finances) has gone the way you hoped it would. Write about all aspects of your life and what specifically you did to have such a fabulous year.

You can write a letter anytime. You don't have to wait for the start of the New Year or your birthday. You can write your Hope Letter whenever and wherever you want. Just set yourself a reminder to look at it again in exactly one year. Better yet, share it with someone close to you and ask them to mail it back to you.

Surprise Yourself Next Year

We always feel better when we're planning a positive change in our lives. It's a proactive act, something we can control and guide. And, as our lives move on and we get older (and hopefully a little wiser), the desire to take steps to "make things happen" can strengthen.

Always remember that some of what you write in your Hope Letter will not come true. But I think you'll be surprised by just how many things do. So, who has the courage to write a Hope Letter?

... ... ...

Margaret H. Greenberg is an executive coach and international speaker. She is co-author with Gina Greenlee of the 2021 book, "The Business of Race: How to Create and Sustain an Antiracist Workplace" and, with Senia Maymin, of “Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity and Transform Your Business.”

You can hear Margaret and Gina in a future edition of the Mind Tools Podcast. And Mind Tools Club members can hear our review of Margaret and Senia's book, here.

This blog has been adapted from one originally published elsewhere on February 26, 2015, under the title, "Be a Positive Deviant – Write a Hope Letter."

Another way to look to the future with hope – and to achieve success – is to join the Mind Tools Club and access our thousands of career-boosting resources!

The post Replace Your New Year Resolutions With a Hope Letter appeared first on Mind Tools.

Then there's the big home-improvement superstore a few miles down the road. They'll have what I'm looking for, but their prices are high. And a trip there would mean taking the car.

Or I could just get what I need online. If I type in the serial number printed on the old bulb, I'll immediately see several companies eager to sell me what I want. I'll be able to compare prices and read customer reviews. Then I'll just have to click "Buy now" and the new bulb will be on my doorstep tomorrow.

Why wouldn't I do it that way?

Online Shopping: Reservations and Regrets

Well, if I do choose the online option, my bulbs will need lots of packaging, and I'll be putting another delivery truck on our street.

What's more, that truck will likely drive right past the local stores I've turned my back on – stores struggling to survive because they just can't compete with the price, speed, and convenience of Amazon.

Because I'll almost certainly go for Amazon. They've been my go-to for most of my adult life, and they're a hard habit to break.

They've got my address book and my bank details. They always have what I need, and they never keep me waiting long. And they know me so well. In fact, from the buying suggestions they make, they often seem to know what I'm thinking even before I do.

So it's a no-brainer. But when I sign off the order and close my phone, I know that I'll have the same mix of feelings I always do. With me and Amazon, it's a love-hate thing.

Behind the Scenes at Amazon

Amazon's founder, Jeff Bezos published his "collected writings" recently, and I delved into them with interest. "Invent and Wander" is made up of shareholder letters, lectures, interviews, and speeches, by the man who started Amazon and shaped it into the trillion-dollar enterprise it is today. In the process, he became one of the richest people in history.

I was eager to learn how Bezos had built Amazon into a company that serves me and countless millions around the world so well.

I also hoped to read things that might answer some of my concerns – and, maybe, even make shopping with Amazon a little easier on my conscience.

Being Jeff Bezos

I certainly got a very clear idea of the Bezos approach to business. His strongest guiding principles are long-term thinking, and a relentless concern for customers. Both of those ring true with me.

For one thing, I'm old enough to remember when Amazon just sold books! But even then, Bezos knew that his company would eventually become an "everything store." His annual letters show remarkable patience and certainty.

I'm also very familiar with Amazon's customer experience, and how much that's improved. These days I can ask Alexa for suggestions about my Dad's birthday present, then get her to buy it, gift wrap it, and deliver it to his door.

"Invent and Wander" highlights many appealing sides of Jeff Bezos' character. He's got endless curiosity, a pioneering spirit, and the ability to predict what the world is going to need next. The book's title highlights his creativity, along with his commitment to take risks and learn from mistakes.

He's also got lots of positive-sounding plans. Amazon is committed to reducing packaging, and invests heavily in electric vehicles. It supports its workers to access life-changing training, and funds projects for underprivileged kids.

Gaps in the Amazon Story

But the book also left me with some unanswered questions. It doesn't address the widespread concerns about Amazon's approach to tax, for example.

Likewise there's no challenge to Bezos's positive picture of supporting other businesses and communities. (And we know that many companies have simply been unable to survive the competition from Amazon, to the detriment of main streets and malls.)

There's hand-picked feedback from Amazon workers, but no way to know how representative this is of sentiment around the world. Recent headlines about a campaign for union rights – against the company's wishes – suggest that the workforce is far from settled.

And although data is clearly the biggest driver of Amazon's success, there's no real debate about how that happens. And that leaves a big and rather worrying hole.

Amazon: Dominance Through Data

"Invent and Wander" explains some of the ways in which data helps Amazon personalize our experience across a range of products. And how the company uses it to make strong business decisions. But do we make better decisions as a result of this? Or are our choices actually being curtailed?

Data helps Amazon to improve customer experience and lower prices. Do we, though, pay a premium in other ways – when poor-quality e-books get published, say, or local shops close?

This book definitely made me think about the data Amazon has on me. And not just every detail of every transaction, but everything I've searched for – or even asked Alexa to do. Yes, it's information that empowers Amazon to help me. But it also gives them huge potential to control my choices. And as data drives Amazon forward, many of the knock-on effects of its success are not ones that I would have chosen.

And yet I keep giving Amazon full consent to use my data – to create the unrivalled service it offers, extend its reach, and continue asserting its dominance.

After reading "Invent and Wander," my feelings about the company and its founder are more conflicted than ever, truth be told. But it's certainly given me plenty to think about.

Just as soon as I've logged on and bought that bulb.

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My Mum was a working single parent, so every school day, I dropped into my grandparents' for lunch. And every day I'd see Grandad hunched over the racing pages, poring over form guides. He believed fervently that he could unlock the secrets buried in those mountains of stats. The big win was just around the corner.

I took an interest. It looked like my idea of fun. (I was an odd kid.) And it was educational. Working out the winnings on a five-horse accumulator (or parlay) was an excellent way to sharpen my mental arithmetic.

So how did he do? Well, he won enough to buy the occasional treat for his grandkids. But mostly, he kept the results to himself. Because mostly, he lost. Not badly. He enjoyed gambling, but money was always tight, and he was responsible. Even so, I doubt that he broke even most years.

Problem is, horse races are complex events. Unreliable trainers, jockeys who could not be relied upon, unexpectedly heavy ground: there was always a reason why his number never quite came up. (A former cavalryman, he never actually blamed the horse.)

And yet his lack of success never shook his faith in the power of prediction. One day, he knew, his painstaking research would pay off, and put him on easy street.

Prediction and Complexity

I thought of Grandad a lot while reading "Uncharted: How to Map the Future Together," by Margaret Heffernan. It's a book that casts a cold eye on our ability to predict the future, and our obsession with wanting to do so.

Increasingly, we face hugely complex circumstances and events in our lives. So in response, we crave certainty and security. And as the world becomes more complex, prediction seems to offer us that certainty.

Just think of those investment "gurus" who offer sure-fire stock market tips. They have legions of followers. Never mind that they rarely beat the market over time.

Big Data, Big Success?

We also face the constant presence of Big Data. Big Data is seductive. Because it promises that if we know enough, or let others know enough about us, our lives will be more efficient, eliminating waste and error. With enough data, you can predict all your future needs.

Consider the algorithm that uses your previous online searches to suggest products you might want to buy in future. Or the digital assistant that tells you when you're likely running low on coffee, and might want to order more. Handy, right?

And stock management algorithms allow businesses to predict their customers' behavior, and order exactly the right amount of stock to meet predicted demand. Prediction rules.

Well, maybe. What if a global pandemic causes a sudden spike in buying as people stockpile? How does your predictive algorithm look then? Empty shelves and angry shoppers suggest a system that doesn't work when situations become complex and disrupted. It's not robust.

Planning Without Prediction

"Uncharted" takes a different view. It examines other ways to plan and take control of our futures, both professionally and personally. These ways don't involve prediction. Because in complex situations, prediction doesn't work well enough.

Instead, these methods ask a succession of "What if" questions to sketch out a series of possible futures.

These futures vary enormously. Whole communities come together to work on huge projects. They adopt an approach called "scenario planning" – essentially, asking a series of focused but open questions about a situation. These questions help to build a series of possible narratives about the future.

Such projects acknowledge the limits of prediction. Instead, they plan based on experiment, and by using the insights of people from a wide range of backgrounds. They are truly collaborative.

But Heffernan doesn't just focus on the big picture. She homes in on personal, even intimate, territory.

Shaping Our Own Futures

One particular chapter gave me a jolt. It's called "Who Wants to Live Forever?" In it, Heffernan discusses the final lifestyle change for all of us: death.

In particular, she talks of planning a "good death." Of resisting the urge to preserve life no matter what. And shaping as much as you can of that ultimate change. It's an engrossing read. And for me, it was a very personal one.

My Grandad passed away after years of illness. After suffering several heart attacks, and cancer, he took the decision to refuse further treatment.

After he died, Mum went round to help sort out his personal effects. And she found them in perfect order, from his army paybook to his will. He had sorted out everything, with military precision.

He had decided how he wanted to go. And he took charge of what he could control, letting go of what he couldn't.

This is the most powerful idea in the book. That any of us can take control of our lives, our careers, or the projects we work on. At any time. And we don't need a prediction to tell us when to do it.

Downloading our "Uncharted: How to Map the Future Together" Book Insight

We review the best new business books and the tested classics in our monthly Book Insights, available as text or as 15-minute audio downloads.

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"Panic causes tunnel vision. Calm acceptance of danger allows us to more easily assess the situation and see the options."

How Do You Cope in an Emergency?

I wish every blog I write could be about a happy story. But life doesn't work that way. And what would a happy emergency look like anyway?

Maybe winning the lottery? I'm not sure. I have it on good authority that winning the lottery doesn't necessarily make a person happy.

Whether we like it or not, much of our growth takes place in the less-than-happy times. We can also often develop understanding and empathy for other people's circumstances when we're going through testing times ourselves...

Paradise Lost

Even though I grew up in the city, I had always dreamed of living on a farm. My then-husband and I moved to one shortly after the fall of apartheid in South Africa. I was ecstatic!

As well as keeping all kinds of animals, starting a huge vegetable garden, and restoring the old farmhouse, I also threw myself into working in a previously disadvantaged community close to us. It seemed like I was living in paradise, but it turned out not to be a paradise after all.

One morning while I was going about my chores in one of the outbuildings (I also ran a farm stall), a man living on a neighboring farm came in. He asked for a lift to town. I knew the person fairly well; it was someone we had helped previously, and I had no reason to doubt his intentions.

But because I wasn't going to town until much later in the day, he asked me to call a cab. About five minutes after I had made the phone call, the man came back into the shop. Suddenly he jumped onto the counter, and my first thought was that there must be a snake on the floor. (Don't laugh at my naïveté – there were some nasty snakes in the area!)

Money or Your Life

Then, as if in slow motion, I saw his hand go behind his back and reappear holding a knife. He started shouting at me to give him money or he'd stab me. He was about to jump off the counter toward me when I heard someone else shouting. Only after a second or two did I realize that I was hearing myself shouting!

The man was now just a few feet away from me, and trying to open the cash register. Movement at the back door caught his attention – my rottweiler, who had heard my shouts and come charging in. In a flash, the man had jumped over the counter again and run out the front door.

After making a few phone calls, the police arrived, my husband arrived, and our neighboring farmers all came to see how they could help. Although I'd suffered no physical harm, except for a superficial cut, I was shaken to my core.

Breaking Point

We, the police, and our neighbors patrolled the area for hours looking for the perpetrator. He wasn't caught, but the police were satisfied that he wasn't around anymore.

I struggled to fall asleep that evening. After I woke up the next morning, my first words were "What a nightmare." My husband didn't understand and asked why I said that. In his mind, the criminal wasn't in the area any longer, so everything was OK.

Yet for me, it was just the beginning – and I tried to deal with everything on my own. But, eventually, I had to seek medical help. I had almost reached breaking point. Dealing with an emergency on your own is a special kind of lonely, and it's not healthy.

Reach Out, Look In

I have since learned to deal with emergencies differently. Reaching out to others is high on my list of priorities, and I take all the help I can get. I make sure that I recognize my emotions. I feel them and I deal with them – as and when they happen.

It's no good denying them; that only makes them want to surface more forcefully. I get medical help if it's necessary, and I communicate with the people around me, to help them to understand what I'm going through.

I've also learned to ask others how they want me to support them – and I'll keep on reaching out to them until I'm sure that they're OK.

How Do You Cope in an Emergency?

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last Friday, we talked about how people cope in an emergency.

Here are some of your most insightful responses:

Q1. What do you think of first when you hear the word "emergency"?

@carriemaslen When I hear the word emergency, I immediately want to take stock of the situation. Who's where, what's at stake, how severe, what do we need to do.

@Jikster2009 Urgency vs panic. What is the actual emergency, who does it affect, and how?

Q2. What emergencies have you faced at work?

@J_Stephens_CPA We have had to deal with tornados in our office. Fortunately, they missed our office, but we spent an hour in the inside room. Our IL office had an armed intruder situation the week before I went there one year.

@carriemaslen We had a major product fail at work. Required all hands on deck to resolve.

Q3. What's your usual reaction to an emergency?

@BrainBlenderTec I analyze it in my mind's eye and look for the best possible scenario, and then do that.

@realDocHecht Depending on the situation, make sure everyone is safe and get to a safe area. Call for help if need be. It's difficult to stay calm in an emergency.

Q4. And what would you *like* your response to be?

@MicheleDD_MT Take deep breaths. This calms the mind & breaks the fight/flight response.

@PG_pmp How can I resolve situation to normal without any harm of any kind to any one?

Q5. What are some strategies to remain clearheaded in an emergency?

@Yolande_MT Shift your focus from how you feel to what you need to do, from emotional to practical. Acknowledge how you feel and then ask, "What do I need to do RIGHT NOW to cope/make this better?"

@Kringle Don't panic. Calm is improved by avoidance and pre-risk preparation. Thus all the old sayings, "measure twice cut once", "a stitch in time saves 9", "ounce of prevention = pound of cure" etc. Absent that, you have to really put things into perspective.

Q6. Who do you connect with when dealing with an emergency?

@DanielMaithyaKE People with expertise in the area of emergency.

@realDocHecht If need be the police, but operations or safety committee.

Q7. How would you like others to respond to you when you're dealing with an emergency?

@ZalkaB Please don't tell somebody who is in distress or emergency to calm down and not overreact. But try to listen, offer solutions and just try to empathize and be there for somebody.

@Midgie_MT I would prefer only comments from people who know what is needed, rather than 'helpful' suggestions that are not in fact helpful.

Q8. How might you support someone else as they are dealing with an emergency?

@lg217 Comfort them. Let them know they are not alone. Be by their side.

@harrisonia To support someone else who is dealing with an emergency, I am VERY conscious of my behavior and don't want to do anything that will bring them additional stress. I asked him if I can be of assistance and wait for them to respond.

Q9. How can you prepare your team for emergency situations?

@PmTwee Mock or drill all possible risk solutions to handle emergencies on a regular basis. Review with team to find best practices.

@Jikster2009 Practice. Everyone rolled their eyes at the words role play but by completing drills and discussing outcomes you can help people prepare. Have an agreement in place, assign roles and responsibilities in case of emergency.

Q10. What are your recommendations for what to do after an emergency has passed?

@YEPBusiness It's a good idea to gather the people and debrief. Let them tell their stories so PTSD is reduced. Validate whatever they're feeling and ensure that people can be guided out of emergency mode gently. Human touch is crucial at that time.

@SizweMoyo Be honest with yourself about where you are mentally after that stressful situation and learn to laugh at yourself compassionately. There's always something you could've done better or differently, of course, but yet you survived that storm with a hole in your jacket.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat over here.

Coming Up

In an emergency, we tend to reach out to the people in our "tribe" at work. The topic of our next #MTtalk chat is "Who's Your Tribe?"

In our Twitter poll this week we want to know why you think people want to be part of a tribe. Please cast your vote here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to the topic we discussed (some of which may only be available to members of the Mind Tools Club):

Empathy at Work

How to Keep Calm in a Crisis

Planning for a Crisis

Managing Post-Traumatic Growth

Dealing With Anxiety

Physical Relaxation Techniques

Communicating in a Crisis

Coping With Change

How to Manage People With PTSD

Managing Conflicting Priorities

Cognitive Restructuring

Managing Your Boundaries

How to Join

Follow us on Twitter to make sure that you don't miss out on any of the action for our next #MTtalk chat Friday 13 March! We'll be tweeting out 10 questions during our hour-long chat.

To participate in the chat, type #MTtalk in the Twitter search function. Then, click on "All Tweets" and you'll be able to follow the live chat feed. You can join the chat by using the hashtag #MTtalk in your responses.

The post How Do You Cope in an Emergency? – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

"Discard every self-seeking motive as soon as it is seen, and you need not search for truth; truth will find you."

About This Week's Chat

Think about your values for a moment – the core reasons why you do what you do. Do those values guide your behavior at work? Or do other motives and needs sometimes take control?

And, whatever the real reasons are for your behavior, how are your motives viewed by others?

Last week's #MTtalk Twitter chat was about understanding why you do and say certain things, and what your behavior tells others about the values that you hold.

What's Your Motive?

It's important to question your motivation from time to time – because you can be sure that the people around you are analyzing it, too! The factors influencing your decisions and actions may not be written on your face. But the people you live and work with will get a good idea of them – or think they do, at least – from the way you behave.

Asking "Why?"

I found myself questioning someone's motives a few years ago, when I was facilitating training at a large organization.

The training was intense, and it was crucial that everybody kept up. During one of the sessions, we had to work through a difficult case study. There was deep concentration in the room.

Halfway through my explanation, the door suddenly burst open. A man thrust his head into the room and said, cheerily, "Hi everybody! I was walking past and I thought I'd wish you a fantastic day! Bye!" And with that he was gone again.

I was nonplussed. I had no idea who he was, or why he did what he did. When I asked the delegates if they knew him, some replied that he worked in their department, a few blocks away. "Greeting Guy" must have been in the main building for some other reason, and decided it would be a good idea to say "Hi" to his colleagues. Which, of course, it wasn't – it was a terrible one.

As friendly and enthusiastic as the man was, he'd intruded at a critical moment. It took a while to get everybody's attention again and refocus.

When I'd overcome my initial annoyance, I told myself that the man's intent was likely good.

But then one of his colleagues suggested that he may have had an ulterior motive – based on a need for attention. And the more I thought about it, the more I found myself questioning his values.

If he'd really wanted to do something nice for his colleagues, and had respect for their training time, surely he'd have waited until the break to say hello – or just given them space to do what they had to do.

Yes, he could have accidentally given us the wrong impression about his motives. But it felt much more probable that his behavior had made his true values all too clear.

What's Your "Why?"

It pays to think carefully about your motives, and how they'll be perceived.

If you're offering help, for example, are you doing so out of generosity and care. Or are you trying to manipulate the situation in some way? And, whatever your true motive is, how will your "helping" look to others?

This kind of self-analysis can be tough, and the findings hard to take.

Maybe you realize that you're burning to tell your story not to add to the conversation, but to one-up your peers.

Perhaps you discover that your habit of sharing gossip is less about building relationships, and more about making yourself look important.

And if you play "the blame game," or criticize colleagues behind their back, it is really because you "care about the company"? Or, has envy crept into your attitude, and self-promotion become your motive?

Think Before You Do

In my experience, it's always a good idea to be mindful of your motives. Whenever I can, I try to pause, and ask myself questions such as:

• Why am I doing this?
• Is it really for the good of others, or just to fulfill a selfish need?
• Will it solve a problem?
• Will it improve relationships?
• Is there a better way to go about it?
• Might it be best not to do it at all?

Defining Your Motives

During our #MTtalk Twitter chat last week, we discussed why we do what we do. Here are the questions we asked and some of the responses:

Q1. What drives you to do what you do?

@Midgie_MT My motives vary yet all are underpinned by the desire to make a positive difference to those I come into contact with.

@Mphete_Kwetli Adding value to me and to be helpful to my surrounding community.

Q2. How varied are your motives for different tasks/projects/actions? Why?

@BrainBlenderTec They are as varied as the tasks because you have a different feeling towards each.

@yehiadief The main point is to find a solution.

Q3. How do you know what your motives are?

@J_Stephens_CPA I have to wonder what my motives are sometimes too – are they really selfish instead of for the better purpose? So examining after the day helps, but I need to get back to journaling that.

@Ganesh_Sabari Realisation achieved through introspection throws light on one's motives.

Q4. In what situations do you find you have selfless motives?

@Limha75 When someone else is in difficulty or feeling upset.

@kkopacz1 One can never escape that feeling of satisfaction one gets when helping others, but when that feeling is acknowledged we can consider it a selfless act. Assuming that ultimately the person who commits that act gains nothing material in the end.

Q5. In what situations do you find you have selfish motives?

@JKatzaman Selfish motives dominate when it's all about the holy trinity: me, myself and I.

@MapDorcas This is the part where you lose respect for me. My selfish motives are: in rush hour situations, I'll inhale deeply, squeeze into any little space and get onto that train or tube. Gotta get to work!

(We love the honesty, Dorcas, and we're often in the same boat!)

Q6. What type of behavior/situation will make you question a colleague's motives?

@PmTwee When we have a common goal, and someone's motive is against or diverting from the goal, I will always question his intention.

@Mphete_Kwetli When it's all about proving a point and not about providing value to the community.

Q7. What motives would you like to have for acting/not acting in certain ways?

@BrainBlenderTec I think purity of action. If you are doing something for the benefit of another even if they never know. That is [the] motive I strive for, but I found someone is always watching.

@MicheleDD_MT Recognition for achievement. It can lead you to act impulsively.

Q8. What motives do you suspect you might actually have?

@Yolande_MT I've realized that "zeal without wisdom" can sometimes do more harm than good. Am I going about my primary motives with wisdom?

@CaptRajeshwar To keep my team safe. To grow more to eat for humanity. To share knowledge in whatever way you can.

Q9. Is it possible to change your motives – or can you only change your behavior?

@harrisonia You can change both your motives (WHY you're doing it) and behavior (WHAT you're doing) after an honest personal assessment.

@GThakore Behaviours get altered according to motives.

Q10. What will you do to act more consciously and honestly in the future?

@SayItForwardNow Be AWARE of why I am doing what I am doing, and keep LOVE and COMPASSION at the center of all of my choices.

@Limha75 Think about what it's like to be on the receiving end of me. Learned this idea from @Illingworth_S's MSc learning and it lodged in my noggin.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

Coming Up

When you realize that someone's motives aren't pure, do you try to fix the situation? Or when you notice that something in the office needs attention, are you the first one to make sure that it gets done?

The topic of our next #MTtalk chat is, “Do You Have Fixer Syndrome?” In our Twitter poll this week, we'd like to know what you're most likely to fix when you encounter it. Please cast your vote here.

Resources

In the meantime, here are some resources relating to the topic we discussed this time:

McClelland's Human Motivation Theory

Random Acts of Kindness

Lencioni's Five Dysfunctions of a Team

Working in a Highly Political Organization

Avoiding Unconscious Bias at Work

Developing Self-Awareness

Beware the "Cheater's High"!

Professionalism

How to Preserve Your Integrity

Coaching to Explore Beliefs and Motives

The post What's Your Motive? - #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's a future."

― Daphne Rose Kingma, American author

The Fear That Paralyzed Me 

There have been many times in my life when I've struggled to leave things behind. Some of my toughest decisions have been about changing jobs, and about ending a significant relationship – my marriage.

I was brought up with the value of doing everything possible to make things work. What wasn't factored into the equation, however, was the cost it would have on me. So, even when I was in an unhealthy marriage, I tried one thing after another to make it OK.

I was also afraid. I was scared about what life would be like without the other person. How could I possibly cope alone? I was even fearful of what other people would think of me because my marriage had "failed."

After quite some time, and a lot of help and support from friends and therapists, I finally found the courage and left.

The sense of relief surprised me. I also felt guilty. I knew I should be sad that the relationship was over – but what I actually felt was happiness and relief! I'd found the courage to stand up for something I knew I wanted, and this relationship was not it.

I also experienced a surge of confidence, which I hadn't realized had fallen so low. It was only with hindsight that I could see how much damage my relationship problems had done to my confidence at work.

Staying Because Others Say So

Speaking of work, I was once in a situation where I knew that a particular job wasn't right for me – pretty much from day one! Even though I'd finally found my "dream job," I realized very quickly that it wasn't the right "fit" for me.

But rather than listen to myself and what I wanted, I listened to others. People told me I'd be ruining my résumé if I left a job so quickly, so I persuaded myself to stay until it was "acceptable" to move on.

What I didn't bank on was the cost it would have on my health. I progressively became more sick, suffering from a variety of illnesses that made it extremely tough for me to work. I tried all sorts of things to stay healthy, but nothing helped.

However, it was only when someone asked if I was waiting to get seriously ill before I gave up on the job that I finally realized enough was enough. And, once again, the sense of relief was immense.

I'm Learning…

Looking back at other times when I've stayed in situations longer than was good for me, I realize that part of me wanted to try every strategy I could think of. I didn't want people to think I was a quitter.

I can also see that the fears holding me back were simply projections of negative outcomes and consequences. In reality, almost all of them turned out to be untrue.

So now I'm learning. I'm learning that, when I have to make a big decision, I should "take the leap." And when I do, I'm learning that things have a way of working themselves out.

When I trust, I stay open to possibilities and opportunities. When I'm in fear, those positives are very difficult to see.

Knowing When to Let Go 

During last Friday's #MTtalk we discussed the importance of knowing when to let go. Here are some highlights from our chat.

Q1. What do you tend to hold on to most, against your better judgment?

@JusChas My mistakes. I replay them over and over and over again. Also, I hold on to negative actions that folks intentionally did to me. Or that I feel like folks intentionally did to me.

@harrisonia Sometimes I hold on to hope that someone will change – despite knowing that after years of many examples… they will not.

Q2. What are some of the reasons that you hold on to things and don't let them go?

@nymelonballer Fear of change or the unknown. The "devil you know" can give you a false sense of stability and peace.

Thanks to @temekoruns for this nugget: "Many of us take on people as construction projects. We must channel our inner Maya Angelou. When people show you who they are, believe them."

Q3. Why is it so difficult to let go?

We have different reasons for finding it difficult, but fear seems to be a common theme.

@itstamaragt Fear of loss. Letting go of something means losing it and that feeling alone drives people away from letting go. Also, the attachment/memories can make it even more difficult.

@MapDorcas Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Difficulty in dealing with grief – if what's being let go of involves people and relationships.

Q4. What does it feel like to keep holding on?

@Midgie_MT When I keep holding on, I feel hope… yet at a certain point that fades and I start to feel drained.

@MurrayAshley It feels awful. Like continually knocking your head against the wall in exactly the same place. Add being an overthinker to the mix and there's hell right there.

Q5. What are the consequences of persevering when a situation no longer serves you?

@LindahMbaisi You waste a lot of your time when you hold on to things that are not destined to be part of your existence – time you could have used to create a new path.

@MicheleDD_MT It can be soul crushing and this leads to personal crisis and health issues. High blood pressure, GI issues, anxiety, depression.

Q6. Is there a danger in letting go too soon?

@BRAVOMedia1 This is where it becomes a balancing act – letting go too soon maybe is our ego response and not an authentic response. It's knowing "when" to let go.

@DreaVilleneuve I think the danger is far greater in holding on too long.

Q7. What's the difference between "giving up" and "letting go"?

@TheCraigKaye One decision is made from a position of struggle, whilst the other is made from a position of strength.

@GThakore Giving up is the result of losing hope whereas letting go is the result of strong willpower.

Q8. What helps you to let go and move on?

@PIPability Recognizing that what may seem like a boulder one day is really a pebble in the bigger picture. What I let go of today allows me to gain something extra tomorrow. Just have a positive perspective that everything works out.

@BrainBlenderTec Time, as with age things dissolve into the past.

Q9. What does it feel like to let go?

@TwisterKW Exhilarating. There are so many emotions that come with letting go, but try to hold on to the exhilaration to fuel the next part of your path.

@Yolande_MT Letting go feels "light," and right. I'm more "agile" mentally and emotionally because I don't have a ton of stuff that weighs me down.

Q10. How can you help someone else to let go of an issue?

@MarkC_Avgi Listening to their mental struggle to let something/someone go… showing empathy. Be there, when needed, as support.

@YEPBusiness You can't until they ask for your help. The light bulb has to want to change. Anything else in presumptuous.

To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection from this chat.

Coming Up

People often ask questions with good intent, but they don't know when to stop. If you're the only gay person in your organization, for example, or the only Asian person in a white team, you've probably had your fair share of it. And can you imagine being the only single father in a day care support group?

Most of us have probably experienced a feeling of "onlyness." Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to discuss the difference between "onlyness" and "loneliness," and we're looking forward to hearing your experiences and ideas. For now, please vote in our Twitter poll to let us know what it felt like to experience "onlyness."

Resources

Finally, here are some resources relating to our #MTtalk about knowing when to let go:

Managing a Person With a Victim Mentality
The PERMA Model
How to Apologize
Perfectionism
Dealing With Anxiety
Snyder's Hope Theory
Transactional Analysis
Self-Mastery
Breaking Bad Habits
The Johari Window
The GIVE Model
How to Manage Rivalry in the Workplace
Cognitive Restructuring

The post Knowing When to Let Go – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

When I spoke to him for our Expert Interview podcast, I asked him to expand on that idea. He said it's all about the "flexible 50 percent."

Flexible and Fixed 50 Percent

"Half of what influences our performance at work we cannot do a darned thing about," he explained. "We call those things the 'fixed 50' – 'fixed' meaning you're not going to do a darned thing about them, so stop worrying about them. But that leaves 50 percent that you can control, and that's the 'flexible 50.’"

The fixed 50 percent is things like our level of intelligence, our core personality, our socioeconomic background and, to some extent, our appearance.

The flexible 50 percent is what we have "complete power over," Effron says – such as our goals, our level of fitness, the strength of our networks, and, perhaps most importantly, our behavior. These are the focus of his eight steps to high performance, and he backs them up with science-based research.

Change What You Can

Step Two, Behave to Perform, digs into the difference between the natural behavior that reflects our personalities, and the behavior that we choose to display. Effron uses a vivid example to show how we can change one, but not the other.

"I compare this to our natural hair, when we wake up in the morning," he says. "It looks different right now than it did first thing in the morning, right? And we do [our hair] because, over the years, we've realized people don't want to see that natural hair. They want to see it slicked back or blown out or whatever we do."

"Use that same comparison of personality to behaviors: personality is your natural hair. It's always going to be there, it's always going to look that way. It's a gift, or a penalty, from your parents. You can't do a darned thing about. But you might also recognize, 'Hey, not every element of my core personality might be wonderful, and I'm going to slick some of that back or blow some of that out, so that it appears to other people to be more attractive.’"

We Decide How We Come Across

"All of us have complete 100 percent control over our behaviors," Effron insists. "People saying things like, 'Oh, that's just who I am. I can't change' – completely untrue. You can change if you want to."

But even if you agree that you can change undesirable behavior, some of us need a bit of support in seeing that through. A coach can really help with this, Effron says. He or she doesn't need to be a professional performance coach. Anyone can give you coaching insight. You just need to ask.

"Most of us are going to have at least one, hopefully more, trusted friends at work. So go to that trusted friend with your goal for the year," he suggests. "You might say, 'Hey, Bobby, I tend to be someone who doesn't speak up a lot in team meetings. I don't really like calling attention to myself – it's kind of embarrassing – but I know I need to show up a little more boldly. I'm going to try doing that over the next month. Would you mind just listening and letting me know at the end of meetings if I’m actually showing up a bit more present in those meetings?’"

Valuable Feedback

The feedback you get from such an appeal can be invaluable. For Effron, our goals are the starting point and the driver for high performance, so it’s not surprising that there’s a lot about setting and achieving goals in his book.

"The science around goal setting and its ability to motivate us is unbelievably powerful and conclusive," he says, adding, "the bigger goals we have, the more we will stretch to achieve those goals."

Who Said We Can't Change?

He offers a four-part process that helps us sift through our potential goals so that we focus our effort on the ones that will deliver the best results. The four parts are align, promise, increase, and frame, and in this clip from our Expert Interview podcast, he explains how that process works.

Listen to the full 30-minute interview in the Mind Tools Club.

What are your tips for achieving high performance? Join the discussion, below!

The post Who Said We Can't Change? appeared first on Mind Tools.

It's like carving jello. Priorities shift and the decision wobbles, just when a direction and structure should be taking shape.

Yet making ethical business decisions is increasingly important in today's world. News of a leader's questionable behavior can spread around the globe in seconds, and bring down an entire organization.

A Continuum of Different Perspectives

Linda Fisher Thornton, leadership and performance author, and current CEO of Leading in Contex, has made it her life's work to help leaders to navigate these issues. She's recently brought her advice together in a new book, "7 Lenses: Learning the Principles and Practices of Ethical Leadership." So, what does "ethical leadership" mean to her?

"It's much bigger than any one simple definition could describe," she tells me, in our recent Expert Interview podcast. "In our global society, what we call 'ethical leadership' is actually a continuum of different perspectives. Understanding the whole continuum helps us see our choices in a broader context."

Ethical Leadership and Doing the Right Thing

The continuum goes from small and close to large and far-reaching, represented by the seven lenses of her book's title. These are profit, law, character, people, communities, planet, and the greater good. If we view all of our decisions through these seven lenses, we can be pretty confident that we're making an ethical decision. And that's good for business, according to Fisher Thornton.

But wait, is she saying we should do the right thing in order to make more money? That doesn't sound very ethical. When I voice this concern, she points out that business success is a happy by-product of ethical decision making. There's nothing "dodgy" about it. In fact, being guided by ethics is all good.

"It's only negative when you get it wrong, when you violate those ethical principles," she says. "There are many amazing positive benefits of applying ethical values that I think people need to know about. It helps them move ethical learning up in their priorities. Also, it lets them know there will be a return on the investment if they take the time to invest in that learning."

Grounded in Data

And this isn't just wishful thinking. It's grounded in data. "Every year, there's more research that tells us ethical leadership drives organizational success in some really powerful ways. This includes attracting top talent, keeping people engaged, increasing job satisfaction, improving productivity, and improving profitability," Fisher Thornton says.

"So, I'm not suggesting they do it just to boost business. However, I am letting them know that intentional and consistent ethical leadership provides companies a competitive advantage. I think that helps them take the journey."

Everyone Should be Doing the Right Thing

Although her focus is on leaders, Fisher Thornton is clear that everyone in the hierarchy should be "concerned about ethics and carefully protecting the organization's reputation."

After all, she continues, "many major problems that we're seeing in the news are happening at the customer service level, where people are working directly with customers. Even when companies have said they're committed to the highest ethics and they want to treat everyone with respect, where that really counts is in the day-to-day interactions with customers. So these values have to be lived out every day."

Spreading an Ethical Mindset

So what's the best way to spread an ethical mindset throughout an organization? Well, there are two different paths you can take, she says: prevention or cure.

"The cure approach doesn't work, because it's basically 'ignore the problem' and when you have a major ethical scandal, then get your ethical culture system in place. But it's really too late, because the damage has been done and your brand value is tarnished," Fisher Thornton explains.

Prevention Rather Than Cure

"So prevention is the way to go, making this a priority before there's a problem, and using it to prevent those kinds of things that make the headlines that all companies want to avoid."

To help translate that aspiration into practical application, Fisher Thornton told me how to apply her seven lenses to an everyday management decision: dealing with a complaint of unequal pay.

Here’s what she said:

Listen to the full 30-minute interview in the Mind Tools Club.

What do you do to make sure you keep learning? Join the discussion below!

The post Ethical Leadership and Doing the Right Thing appeared first on Mind Tools.